Who Is Trowa Barton?
by 4Shame
Summary: In the depths of his soul is a tale untold, and around him lies eyes that pry to try and see who it is he might be.
1. Chapter 1

It's hard to believe that for so long he has gone without a single clue to who he is. Sure, the others have a similar issue but not nearly to the extent that he does. The perfect soldier and the American often clothed in a priest outfit, they know they were abandoned. They grew up on the streets, in orphanages, until their paths crossed with someone that would ultimately lead them to the life they live now and yet…my close friend, so silent and reserved, can bare no recollection. He neither knows whether he came from an orphanage nor does he even have the slightest hint of how he came to be the way he is. When I ask, he merely shrugs and though it appears he does not care, I can see clearly how much it torments him. His mind is fragile, much in contrast with his physical strength. Its fickle confines forget everything with even the smallest quake.

Once he asked me what he should call himself and being the optimist that I am, I told him that he should remain Trowa Barton for an explanation that I cannot even recall. It seemed the best answer at the time but as the days go by, I can see him disappearing. He's losing again. That internal struggle he constantly deals with, it's crippling him once more. He is no longer convinced that he can continue as Trowa even if he doesn't show it or tell us. He wants to know who he is and why he's here but none of us can give the answers.

I feel for him, as a friend, one of the few that he has in this world. I try to encourage him that the truth is out there but I can never escape the doubt that resides in my chest. I've been looking for his history ten years now, utilizing as much money as is necessary and contacting each expert I can find but they've all failed miserably. My friend has lost hope. _I_ am losing hope. Pained, I watch as pieces of his soul treacherously flee from him. And I can do nothing to save him…no matter how hard I try.

"Quatre."

The blond aforementioned man turned to face the lean physique of the Chinese man in the doorway.

"Briefing, ten minutes."

Quatre exhaled in disdain.

"I'll be there."

The handsome black-haired male nodded before briskly walking off. With strained thoughts and taxing meditation Quatre reluctantly lifted himself from the desk of his laptop. Another dead end. He shut the flap of his desktop and slung the strap of his duffle over his shoulder. The search for Trowa Barton would have to rest.


	2. Chapter 2

Forgive me for my abrupt arrival, but I've had a terribly grueling headache that has urged me to come forward. I hold the keys to every dimension in existence, the keys that so many would die to try and find which is ironic since I too am known to be the Goddess of Death. It is a trying task, the one that has been given to me since birth. I must protect the Queen's daughter, as is customary to all descendants of the great eight, and I must keep watch over all other doors that may periodically open unexpectedly and wreak havoc. In these times, the doors that separate each dimension have become immensely cramped. Before, they use to repel far from each other, stretching endlessly in a space that I cannot honestly describe but now, they huddle together as if taunting each other to open.

Setsuna, a dear friend and guardian of mine, once relayed to me her thoughts on the matter. She seems to believe that the doors have pulled together because the men of each dimension have become more ambitious. They want to find secrets, discover paths that were never before seen, and draw out places that no one could have ever imagined existed…I cringe to think of it, but I know she is right. A woman so ripe with wisdom is never wrong.

For many years, Neo-Queen Serenity has ruled our own, my own, dimension with great diplomacy, preaching peace and good will while being able to successfully convince the people that it is for the best. Her daughter, my closest friend and as you already know my charge, follows closely in her footsteps. As she grows, she is more and more like her mother, kind, caring and beautiful. She has even managed to rub off on me, which isn't much of a surprise since I spend so much of my time with her.

We are the eldest of the second generation, the leaders of the new frontier once the first generation decides to step down. I am not anxious to assume their roles, nor do I hope for them to retire soon. Already I am burdened with so much duty, I can only imagine how much more weight will be piled upon me when Chibi-Usa takes the throne. But, even now, I do not spend much thought on that topic. We senshi are busy, Chibi-Usa and I (along with the rest of the second generation) are training for the fateful day that would call on us for leadership. Meanwhile, the first generation deals with the tremors amongst the dimensions that I detect.

Very rarely, Serenity leaves to help her senshi since most jobs only require one of us and at most three. We operate in secret, of course, never dwelling too long in one place for safety purposes. You see, though I hold the keys to these dimensions, I actually know very little of how they operate. Setsuna often reassures me that this will change, as she felt the same way the first time she stood posted in front of the time gates. I suppose I believe her, but it strays away from the real reason I've even imposed myself upon you…

When Crystal Tokyo first arose, Serenity presented a choice to her senshi. If they desired to live in the tower with her, they could, but the option to live the lives they desired was also available. I had heard that the senshi had much difficulty deciding. However, when all was said and done, a majority had surprisingly decided to branch out. Danger was no longer lurking around the corner and trouble hadn't been visible for almost thirty years. That day, Serenity bid farewell to Mercury, Jupiter, Mars, Venus and even me. The choice for me to live out a normal life was made by Neptune and Uranus, as they believed that if I was deprived of my childhood, I would be miserable for the rest of my years. I appreciate their wise decision as normal life for me proved terrible and now gives me gratitude to be in the fate that was designed purposefully to accommodate me.

I came back to Crystal Tokyo once I graduated high school and have been here for nearly two decades. The other senshi that had left eventually returned as well, but the conditions of Jupiter's return…_sigh._ I sometimes blame myself for what happened to her. When I see her now, a sharp pain always tears at my heart. She immerses herself completely in the dimensional missions, constantly fighting off whatever threats may come to Crystal Tokyo and it's all because of me.

I saw the door and even the questionable hinges about the wooden canvas. My instincts told me to check its stability but for some unknown reason, maybe idleness, I did not. I walked away already drenched with guilt before anything had even taken place, but I did not turn to walk back. The door had opened and what had stepped through had somehow found its way to Makoto and all that she held dear. She never expected it, living at the time in her new life away from Crystal Tokyo. She never stood a chance.

_Pause._

Words cannot describe the torment I feel when I think of that day. The pictures have stained my conscience forever and no matter what I do, they never leave me. I try to apologize to Makoto but she insists I am not to blame. I wish I could believe her.

"Setsuna."

"Hotaru," the green-haired woman replied.

"You know."

The omniscient ruby eyes of the gatekeeper gave a silent answer of affirmation.

"That is why we are having the meeting."

Hotaru smirked.

"I should have known."

Setsuna smiled, bobbing her head slightly as she continued walking towards the meeting hall. The rest of the senshi could be seen in attentive attendance. The task at hand would take time, much more time than any other mission before. The dimension, however, included a feral discovery, one that pierced potentially hazardously at the past of one senshi in particular. She would undoubtedly want to take part in the operation but whether it was a good idea for her to be involved was yet to be discussed. Hopefully, it would not be an issue ignored.

"Thank you all for coming." Serenity was always thanking them. "Seems there are many open doors that must be closed today. One in particular, though, appears to be a job that might take longer than the average..."she drifted, her bright blue eyes shifting for a brief moment towards a mahogany haired woman. "but I'm certain we can manage."

The room nodded in agreement as they awaited more information.

"Dimension 137, 98, 42 and," dimension doors were numbered according to order that they have been opened in. Recurring openings still retain the same original number. "Dimension 3."

Immediately, emerald eyes shot up, Serenity unconsciously wincing as she noticed.

"Pluto," she quickly stated. "Please inform us of your suggestions of how to go about this."

Though Saturn was the holder of the keys for every dimension, Pluto had somehow known more about them. So to ensure that the best precautions were taken when questing to close a door, Pluto was always asked to give her advice on who to send.

"Dimension 137 will only need one senshi, it is very mild in mannerism and technology, as is 98. 42, however, is rather vicious and dangerous mostly run by men who are unnaturally strong. I suggest we send at least a two-man team to handle that door possibly even three."

"Do you have any specific recommendations for who to send?"

Pluto's answer was quick.

"I think it wise to choose from either Mars, Jupiter or Uranus."

Jupiter's shoulders could be seen growing stiffer as she heard the mention of her name. Somehow, she had already known that dimension 42 would be her assignment since she was the one who closed it once before, but she didn't want that dimension.

"That leaves dimension 3," Serenity casually replied. "What are your thoughts about that one?"

All eyes bore into Pluto expectantly, her shoulders lifting to give a light shrug.

"The men in that dimension are rather intelligent. A certain organization has somehow managed to manipulate the dimension doors and has been using them for their own selfish purposes. They know who we are and will be quick to run and hide if they find out we are after them. Its strangely difficult to track them so I suggest we recruit people of that dimension to cloak our efforts to stop them from further tampering with things they should not know of."

"Your suggestions for who should go there."

"Saturn and Chibi-Usa."

The Queen's eyes widened in shock.

"Surely, this is a joke!" She laughed in attempts to convince herself Pluto was being humorous. However, the stern look on the gatekeeper's face suggested she was serious.

Saturn too was quite surprised, her heart racing as she wondered why Pluto would choose her and Chibi-Usa.

"It is no joke, Serenity. I apologize if it seemed unexpected but the younger generation must learn someday how to do this work."

"But for _this_ mission?" Serenity exclaimed. "It is one that should be handled by the first generation, no doubt."

"Serenity, they've been training for decades. You yourself never had that much training when you first started. You were just thrown into the fray, I assure you the two are well prepared." Setsuna argued.

The Queen frowned, her toe tapping as she considered it. Chibi-Usa was her daughter and though she was well past the age of a grown woman, Serenity could still only see a child.

"I do not feel comfortable with this."

Surprise arose when a sandy blonde member stood from her seat.

"I think it would be a great chance for them to gain experience," she said. "But if you want more reassurance perhaps one of us _veterans_ can accompany them as they go."

Slowly Serenity could see that the outers would not rest until she agreed. With a prolonged sigh, she nodded.

"Okay," she nearly whispered. "I will allow it."

"Thank you," Pluto bowed glancing towards young Saturn as she tensed with uninhibited anxiety. The room was silent for a moment as they reverently waited for the meeting's closing remarks.

"Then it is settled," Serenity finally spoke, eyes burdened and lips grim. "Venus will deal with dimension 137, Mars will handle dimension 98 and Jupiter and Uranus will cover dimension 42." She spoke hastily, gaze ignoring the disdainful green hues. "As for dimension 3, Pluto and I will further discuss this mission in private."

"Meeting adjourned."


	3. Chapter 3

I cannot say that my life is perfect though I often find myself believing it to be so. I have a caring husband to match my wits, wonderful children to remind me of all things good in this world and live in the tower with my closest friends. Sure I am sometimes caught in blunders on the occasional dimensional missions that I acquire, but it is nothing in comparison to how fights use to be. You see, I have grown stronger and by some odd miracle, I continue to grow stronger. The enemies we faced so long ago could no longer strain my strength as is the same for the others. So, though we do still actively engage in the fight for justice, it is not nearly as taxing as it was in our teenage years.

I find great joy in the simple interactions I enjoy daily with my family. The feeling is beyond words. I now understand the true meaning of life and the importance that lies in our duty to protect the Earth from all those that threaten to end it. It's for the people; it has always been for the people.

As a hobby, I divulge my intellectual talents in the medical field. The work I do in those hospitals is most rewarding; nearing almost to the elation I felt when I bore each of my children. I always meet new people and I continue to work hard on cures so that I can prolong the chances for each person to enjoy the gifts of human contact. True, the ginsuishou has sustained longer life spans for the people in our dimension and has even slowed the aging process for us senshi, but death is still a part of society. We are not Gods or Goddesses though many may try and make us so. We merely hold abilities that extend farther than the average human's.

It has been a blessing and to some a curse to live almost like immortals. We cannot be wounded so easily, why the last scratch I ever received was due to a rather vicious swing of a blade in the fourteenth dimension still stuck in the middle-ages. It stung, yes, but was more annoying than anything. The man responsible now rests in his own home unable to bare children which has rendered him an outcast to society. Where he lives, a man without seed is no man at all and stands in a class below the rats that scurry across the village streets. He should have never been so rude and I might have spared him the embarrassment. Let us say ice in a certain area for too long never ends well…

But you probably cannot see how the knack to survive blows that are meant to kill could be a curse, can you? To have such indestructible, well almost, skin and supernatural powers to expel at will, it can be nothing less than amazing. I myself have never quite held thoughts like these since my mind has always been bombarded with more scientific and numerical dealings. My ability to bend ice and water was never a trait I adored; it was merely a mechanism necessary for the tasks I would inevitably face. My heightened indestructibility is also just a necessity. However, to one, I know she views it all as punishment and I can't say that I blame her.

I have often spent sleepless nights heavy laden with guilt and depression just thinking of it. It is actually the reason I and many of the others returned in the first place. Dear Makoto so strong and sweet. She was a walking controversy, physically tough and powerful all the while adamant in being feminine and engaging in activities like cleaning and cooking. Haha I can remember the first time I met her! I couldn't believe how nice she actually was once I got past her towering height and brawny strength. She reminded me of myself when people use to frame me as only being a bookworm against fun. Of course I like fun, but they would never give me the chance to prove it.

All these memories, I could go on forever. After all, I've lived nearly a hundred years now though I appear to have barely reached my twenties. It's an unmentioned perk I suppose of being so closely rooted to the Ginzuishou.

But back to how I resolved to return to Crystal Tokyo. When I heard of the devastation that had sprung on Makoto's unsuspecting abode, I was shaken. We spent years in peace, not once rivaled by evil. Like fools we believed evil would give a warning and like fools we were wrong. I whimper to think how I would feel if I were in Makoto's place that day and remorseful I can only imagine how terrible a mark still scars her. That is why I returned. My eyes were open when Makoto's incident took place. I saw the danger in straying from my duties and I returned for the sake and safety of my family.

Earlier I had stated that some of us viewed our abilities as a curse and you might have been confused as to why. Makoto, she is one of those that reveres these skills as punishment. If you knew her story I'm sure you would understand immediately. She lived through an attack that killed all those around her and she continues to live nearly immortal in a world where everything was taken from her. I feel for her and I wish there was something I could do to save her from her undying misery.

"Yes," Mercury stated firmly. "I believe that would be the smartest thing to do. I shall give word when my duties are fulfilled so that someone may relieve me of keeping watch."

Serenity and Pluto both nodded. Mercury was chosen to be the first to keep watch over Saturn and Chibi-Usa while they ventured on their first mission. Years ago she had suggested they plant small low-key organizations in each dimension in case of emergencies like dimension 3 where they would have to stay longer than usual. The organization in dimension 3 stemmed from the colony on the moon, one that has been completely inactive but still recognized as valid. The Lunar Corporation. No one actually had to run the faction while the senshi were away, rather Mercury had implemented a highly secured computer system to make it appear as running despite the lack of human presence.

"Very good then," Serenity deadpanned.

She was still very much unnerved by the aspect of sending her daughter to handle such a task but after much thought she knew it was the right thing to do. Besides, Mercury would be with them and the blue-haired genius, as well as the others for that matter, would never allow anything bad to happen to them.

The three women exchanged formal farewells and split off to their own directions. Yes, Serenity wanted to wish her daughter and even Hotaru good luck but she was stressed more so over the mental health of another woman. With determination, she coursed towards the south wing where green flourished most.


	4. Chapter 4

I see the way she looks at me. I _know_ she's worried but I wish she would stop. Her innocent crystal blue eyes as clear as the purest stream in an untouched forest are piercing, soul-searing even. My spine always tingles when they're upon me, whether I'm looking or not, I can feel when she is watching.

I wish she would stop.

Undoubtedly, her heart is in the right place, she always being the type to worry excessively over the wellbeing of her friends. However, the attention irks me. It drives me into frustration, makes me tense with uncertainty and adversely affects my thoughts of her. She means well, the best, I know. But…

I wish she would stop.

As I prepare to set off on another hero vendetta, she saunters over my shoulder, silently trying to beckon me to release whatever emotions I may have pent up inside of me. I understand she wants to help but the ongoing intrusion only makes me want to clamp up more. With as convincing a smile I can fake, I attempt to reassure her that I'm fine even if it isn't true. I guess she knows me well because she never leaves.

I wish she would stop.

Her sorrow for me is no help. I get no satisfaction in knowing that she is waiting for me to finally let out the past so that I can find closure. As a matter of fact, they _all_ believe I should face my demons and free myself from the suffocating reality that consistently plagues my whole being.

_"Stop running from the past."_ They say.

_"Mourn for them." _They say.

_"They don't want you to live like this." _They say.

_"I'm here for you. We all are."_

Ack, my disappointing inhibitions always allow me to tear when I recall all the words they share. My body trembles with pain, my hands always cling to my gut while my eyes pool in never ending rivers of tears, but that's besides the point.

I'm not running from my past, I replay it in my mind everyday. It _is_ what motivates me to continue living.

I mourn for them in every waking moment of every day. I've never stopped since that time.

If they didn't want to see me like this, then why did they leave me?

And finally…

I do tend to avoid painful memories. I try to dodge them as if they never happened and though I can see how detrimental this can be, I don't have the will to change my habits. Looking back on that day and hearing the echoing attempts the senshi make to console me, it can never work.

I lost my life then. Had everything I ever cherished taken from me in one frail swoop. I knew things were too good to be true but I never knew Fate would take it from me so cruelly. Damn, I can't even think about it without sobbing like a baby. I hate feeling sorry for myself, I despise pity but I can never resist.

Of all the people in the world, that damned thing stumbled on me. It found _us_. It killed us…and where were they? Dispersed, immerged in their own facet of living, completely unaware of the threat that had sprung itself upon me. But I do not blame them. Supposedly it was punishment for leaving Serenity unprotected. Supposedly I deserved it since I am the senshi that is supposed to embody loyalty and protection but aspects of that day, life after that day haunt me without end.

_"I'm here for you. We all are."_

It's kind that they would say it. Kind even that they are in deed here for me. But they've come quite late and I can't seem to forget that.

"Trust me when I say, I understand," the towering brunette assured. "Mercury is best suited to aid them first, she is after all the one that came up with the idea. She would be able to connect them to the heroes of that dimension faster than any of us could."

Queen Serenity bore a small frown a she stood unconvinced.

"You're sure?" She asked.

The mahogany haired soldier sighed.

"I'm positive. Tactical battle strategy may not be in my jurisdiction, but I can comprehend it well enough."

"Of course," Serenity replied. She awkwardly shifted on her feet before hesitantly turning to walk away. She could think of nothing more to say so what reason was there for her to stay?

"Serenity."

At the mention of her name, she hastily spun on her heals. The lightning senshi stood with serious emerald hues, her demeanor foreboding and strong-willed.

"Makoto."

"Just don't keep me from this case." She stated. "Please."

A long period of silence crept devastatingly by, Serenity contemplating the request incessantly in her mind. She was no liar and could never bring herself to fib to her friends, but she could not bring herself to fully accept Makoto's plea. Seeing the pain in her jade soul was tormenting and Serenity knew if she denied her, she would never forgive her.

"I will try," she uttered reluctantly.

Makoto flashed with a brief look of disappointment before nodding.

"Thank you."


	5. Chapter 5

Now I'm an easy going guy. I don't care if people tinker with my things and I'm never bothered by the fact that on occasion, my "comrades" often feel the need to threaten my life as they aim a gun at my head. As a matter of fact, it amuses me. What _does_ bother me is when I look around and see their glum faces as they start to feel sorry for themselves. I mean seriously! Get over yourselves! Half these guys wanna kill themselves but by some odd fate, they never succeed. Hey, I can't say that I'm complaining though. If they were gone, I would be alone and yeah I know what you're thinking.

How can a guy as cool as I am, not to mention good-looking, be afraid of being on my own? Heh, well though I might appear care free and ridiculously cool on the outside, I've actually got some skeletons of my own. Yeah, it's hard to believe, I know; but I was never one to broadcast my issues. People do that enough already and I hate to follow the crowd, unless it involves a hot babe.

Aww damn, Quatre's depressed again. The guy's sweet and all but sometimes he's just too damn caring. Lately he's been trying to find Trowa's "true identity". It's a noble cause but completely impossible!

Now brace yourself. I'm about to let you in on something that might knock your socks off (ladies, it might be your panties but don't panic! It's completely natural. I've been given a dangerous gift to charm females to 0r9$m but rest assured I'll try to keep my powers to a minimum _wink wink nod nod_). As I was saying, brace yourself. Some people seem to think that because I'm so sociable and happy-go-lucky, I've got no brains. They assume terms like dunce, hollow, dense, and stupid to describe me but in reality, wait for it…I'm really a genius.

AH! I know! Duo the hotty a nerd? I'm a jokester by fault but this I promise is no lie! I can hack any national security mainframe in my sleep, build a bomb using pencils and toothpicks, create a toy size killer robot with the utensils in the kitchen, set up surveillance undetected in the President of the United States' oval office without even stepping foot in America and the list goes on. Impressive, isn't it? I sometimes surprise myself at how skilled I am; but, and I let this out very loosely, there is one thing I cannot do.

When I heard about Quatre's side mission to find Trowa's family, I became curious. I mean the guy loses his memory when a raindrop hits his head and fights like Bruce Lee despite it all while parading around as a clown in a circus when in real life he hardly even speaks a word! How could I not be curious about the people that birthed him?

So, using my extensive computer skills I tried to find him and what did I come up with? Blank, zilch, nada, zip, nothing! No missing persons report, no DNA match, no name, no nothing! It was like he never existed! Being as none of us actually know his age, including Trowa, I searched every year to ever pass on this planet and the colonies but could see him nowhere. Catherine, the babe from the circus, once claimed his as being her younger brother. I checked the blood and sorry to say but they have no connection. Of course, I never told her. I have a weak spot for women, one that prohibits me from causing them pain. What can I say other than I'm practically a saint? Haha! Poor girl though, she cares so much about him and believes so strongly that he is indeed Triton Bloom like she claims. I sometimes wonder what has happened to her real brother…

Oops, I'm getting side-tracked again. Back on topic! Trowa. Trowa, Trowa, Trowa, Trowa, quiet, dangerous, clown Trowa. He's a cool guy if you can stand his ongoing silent treatment, but history, he has none. Quatre once asked me if I could use my skills to help out but I denied him using some lame excuse. He was disappointed but I know he would have been devastated if he found out I actually couldn't help him even if I said yes.

So, for his sake, I said no. Quatre Raberba Winner is a strong willed kind of guy but even he has his limits. Don't tell anyone this or else I'll deny it straight out! But, I'm secretly rooting for Quatre to find the truth behind Trowa's life. You see, even if I do target Trowa for some of my…well a lot of my pranks, he's still my buddy and I've noticed him becoming more withdrawn from the world than he already was. I may not show the worry I have about him disappearing, but I feel it all the time. The anxiety creeps up on me like a lion pouncing on his prey, its fast and lethal. It haunts me and sometimes even cripples me enough to knock my sheepish grin from my face. To think of one of my pals just completely checking out on life is painful, too painful. Like I said, Trowa is a cool guy, one that I'd rather not lose.

"Now let me get this straight," a chestnut haired huffed. "You're hiring us to take care of an organization that builds mobile suits? Sorry to say babe, but that's most manufacturing companies out there. I don't see how this is something to fret over unless they're siphoning your business. In that case, we're the last people who would help you."

The fair-skinned blue-haired woman blinked rapidly. She had found proof that this particular organization was linked not only to an old corrupt group called Oz but were also distributing mobile suits to shady dealers under the table. For certain she believed this group would immediately accept her offer but nothing seemed to be going her way. Blasted men and their stubborn ways!

"I assure you it is in mankind's best interest that this job be done," she insisted. "However, if the price does not suit your preferences, we are willing to go higher."

A tight frown was pressed upon a handsome blond man's face, as he looked exasperatedly in the direction of his comrades who each appeared standoffish and unconvinced. The American scoffed.

"If you haven't noticed, babe," he started, "we're living in a mansion. Money is obviously not an issue."

The most outspoken male of the bunch earned one of the many scowls given from the woman who had introduced herself as Dr. M. Her petite frame matched well with her small angular face, her big blue eyes shielded by clumsily large spectacles that hung loosely at the edge of her pointy nose. She was a cute girl, one that Duo had actually enjoyed looking at as she reminded him slightly of an old friend he met during the war.

"Then what can I do to convince you all?"

The question sounded much too desperate and Ami cringed when she heard herself say it. Instantaneously, the pilots stood erect with clear suspicion. Usually a person quick to sway them to perform a task involving any type of fighting was one unworthy of trust.

"I'm sorry," she hastily mumbled. "I did not mean to come off so—"

"Suspicious," an unruly haired man interrupted.

Ami's fragile heart leapt with distress as she scoured frantically for a way to regain her composure in the situation. Anxious and uncertain, she found herself wishing that another senshi more experienced than the two accompanying her would somehow pop up and save the day though she knew it would not happen.

"I think what Dr. M means to say is that she is quite tired and has had the most difficult time finding you all. You see, we only want the best on this case since we believe that this organization holds a tremendous threat to the people of this universe. By taking them down we make no profit, we don't even work with mobile suits. We simply want to prevent another unnecessary war from erupting because of their underground activities. I'm sure you can all understand this," the pink-haired woman spoke, her dumplings as peculiarly attractive as her mother's. "Unless you actually _do_ wish for a war to come soon…"

"Of course we don't," a blond male refuted.

Ami stood in amazement as Chibi-Usa's hot pink hues bore strongly into the blond's. She was just as alluring as Serenity with much sophistication and poise, contrary to how Usagi was when she was her age.

"Then why else would you decline our offer?" She asked. "We're asking you to be heroes but you so blatantly refuse."

"We're no heroes."

The room's eyes shifted to land on the stagnant male leaning silently against the wall with arms folded across his chest. If the sound had not traveled from that corner of the room, no one would have believed that he had even spoken, as his lips remained frozen as if they never parted a word.

The girls exchanged awkward glances, the men in the room quietly absorbing the long-banged brunette's words as truth and nodding in agreement. Hands stained with so much blood could not possibly be hands of a true hero, a term that neither pilot dared accept.

Ami sighed, rubbing her forehead as she tried to formulate some type of response but how could she? These men were clearly burdened with guilt for their past transgressions and were far from accepting the fact that they were this dimension's best hope at survival. The doctor's shoulders tensed as she felt a hand upon her back. With startled eyes she gazed back to Serenity's heir for an answer to which Chibi-Usa just smiled nodding in Hotaru's direction.

"If the organization was left alone and later turned out to harvest a war, would you be prepared to suffer through that guilt better?" She spoke.

The words stung, the chestnut haired man stepping forward offended, as the Chinese man too seemed disturbed.

"Sharp tongue for a weak woman seeking our help," the Chinese man seethed. "You have no honor trying to guilt us with your theories."

Hotaru seemed unfazed by his response, her violet hues registering in vague interest.

"And you all seem long winded with no real rebuttal as to why you cannot accept our offer. Whether you pity yourselves or not, we still have yet to get a clear answer…"

Ami was reprieved. Whether it was by the fact that Hotaru and Chibi-Usa were both well trained by their guardians or by the fact that Hotaru's naturally chilling presence added extra oomph to her stony replies, she was uncertain. What she was sure of though, was that Chibi-Usa and Hotaru were well on their way to becoming more than ready to assume leadership roles back home.

The pilots were rather indifferent about the violet-haired girls words nonetheless, they found their eyes irresistibly straying to find the unruly haired male. They had no clear leader amongst them but supposedly if a mission was crazy enough or sane enough that Heero would accept it, they had all signed some imaginary contract that they too would go with it. How this was established they couldn't quite say since Heero was known for his flighty ways and also his numerous attempts at self-destruction. To trust in his judgment was completely illogical but they adhered faithfully to it despite the cons.

"Well," Ami spoke, finally feeling that they were getting somewhere. "What have you decided?"

Stoic Prussian blue eyes skimmed the faces of each woman before he briefly glanced over his four comrades. There was something missing in their report, some hidden agenda as to why they wanted this particular organization tracked and eliminated and his curiosity was itching to be sated. With tense muscles he contemplated and released a low grunt.

"Mission accepted."

* * *

Thank you everyone that has taken the time to read this story thus far. Haven't gotten any reviews but I still continue forward because I enjoy writing this story and want so badly to get nearer to the conclusion where everything comes out in the open.

I think Duo's monologue was my favorite to write so far and hopefully the ending scenes of each chapter aren't too confusing and hold some logical connection to each other. To me they make sense but I sometimes lose the sense during translation. If it is confusing, I apologize and will try to improve.

Once more, thank you for reading.

**Disclaimer:**

_I do not own SM or GW._


	6. Chapter 6

These women are hasty. They push us to work around the clock trying to trace this organization and to be honest I know we can track them in a matter of seconds but neither of us can actually admit that we trust them. Now I've nearly shot myself for thinking this, but I don't believe they actually sleep. They're always hanging over our shoulders, prodding us to work faster, egging us to complete this mission like it was as simple as washing your face clean after a night of rest but it isn't. These people are rich with money, weapons and soldiers all of which create large variables in this job.

Since we don't trust the women who hired us, we have to secretly investigate this organization to see who they _really _are, all the while keeping these shifty women in the dark. The blue-haired one suspects something though. I can see it when she watches us. She's not so easy to fool since she appears to be in the same line of genius as Yuy and Maxwell, possibly even brighter…but it annoys me to consider it. The other two try to act as experienced as Dr. M but they fail miserably. I can smell an amateur from a mile away and their stench is insufferable.

Their flashy statements in our first briefing were merely a fluke and the fact that they have chosen to reside so frequently with us has made their weaknesses painfully evident. This is their first mission, there can be no doubt about it and as I so grudgingly recall, I do believe they said something about only wanting the best on this case? Ha! If they wanted the best, then why did their Lunar Corporation send children to handle their business? Needless to say, their premise is flawed and the fact that they have underestimated our intelligence is insulting. They're hiding something and we're on the brink of finding out what. Weak Women, they can never establish a viable fake corporation without closing the back door.

"You're certain about this?" Quatre looked stressed as he observed the papers Duo had handed him.

"I would stake my life on it," Duo smirked with hands lazily hanging in his pockets. "The Lunar Corporation has been run by nothing more than a well-constructed computer program. I probably wouldn't have spotted it though if it wasn't for Wu-man's charm with the ladies." He winked.

Wufei growled from his position but made no motion to retaliate. Maxwell could sometimes be a pain but at the moment he was actually proving useful. So, the Chinese man would let his remark slide for the time being.

"Then what does this mean?" Quatre asked, running a hand through his soft blond mane.

"This means they can't be trusted," Heero stated.

"But we've already known that," Duo commented. "They've been dodging our questions ever since they got here, talk about obvious!"

Quatre frowned, shaking his head as he pondered further on the topic. What was the point of creating a corporation if they weren't going to have men there to run it? And why would they choose now to suddenly activate it to pursue an organization that had been in existence for years?

"Then what shall we do?"

The room was quiet for a while as the men exchanged glances. They could terminate the job and leave the ordeal in these untrustworthy women's hands so that they were free of the hassle but some unreasonably strong attachment had been made. Though they had only met these women days ago, there was something about them that they couldn't quite place something that triggered some unknown interest. Sure they were beautiful, Wufei would even admit to that, but that was not why they felt so drawn to their presence. Even if they stood on faulty backgrounds, the pilots could not completely bring themselves to abandon this mission all together for reasons they couldn't even vocalize.

"Wait it out," Wufei mumbled. "Let's see exactly why they want this organization done with and see if we can find out more about them too."

He hated to say it, especially since they were of a particular species that he had high aversions towards. Nevertheless, his curiosity had won the best of him and the fact that they had been squandering their time with useless not to mention pointless activities like "vacation" had brought him much unmentioned appreciation for this new revival of their immaculate skills.

"I suppose that can be done," Quatre replied reluctantly.

His eyes traveled to the still silent brunette who leant casually against the steel walls of the room. He remained as motionless as ever nearly resembling a stone statue. He had made no objections to anything, never gave input about the situation with these new women but something was strangely different about him.

At night Quatre had spotted him sitting atop Heavy Arms' shoulder gazing at the stars. Trowa never gazed at anything unless it was worth gazing upon. Yet, there he stayed for the duration of the night, gazing. Afterwards he would return to the mansion, nod to each of them and resume post against a wall as words were dispersed amongst the group. Surely it was nothing out of his nature, but Quatre still could not get the picture out of his mind. Why did Trowa stare for so long at the stars?

The doors to the room opened, the sugary pink buns poking up as they always did along with the deep violet and royal blue threads. These women sure had peculiar hair colors. Eyes glared in their direction as Quatre, always so polite, greeted them warmly.

"We will be making a trip to a nearby station," Dr. M declared. "I am being relieved of my duties and replaced by an equally qualified _associate_," she said which caught the men's attention.

More people were involved with this false corporation?

"I ask that you please continue your efforts in searching for the Black Star organization, as my replacement hardly leaves room for slacking. She is much more…aggressive than I could ever be. I suppose I thought it would be kind to warn you before she arrived."

A sheepish grin found its way across Duo Maxwell's lips as he envisioned an aggressive woman coming into their flanks, his eyes dancing with wild imagination. Of this, Hotaru took notice, smirking silently to herself.

"Thank you Dr. M," Quatre bowed slightly. "I'm sure we all appreciate your warning."

Ami nodded curtly before coursing out the room. As the three women departed, a stale air was lifted, each men looking to each other to see if they were all thinking the same thing. The decision was quick as Heero and Wufei hastily grabbed their coats to follow after the mysterious Lunar Corporation affiliates and unbeknownst to each of them, Trowa had followed too.


	7. Chapter 7

I feel like a traitor.

I haven't done anything beyond what I have been told to and I never stray away from the duties of my life, but I can't shake the feeling. We're basically kin spirits, she and I, even if she has weird female practices and I often opt for the more callous and aggressive hobbies, I consider her to be like me. How else can you explain the rivalry we had when we first met? The others had thought it dangerous but the two of us knew better than anyone that it was the beginning of an undeniable kinship.

I love that girl. I use to think I was alone in my thinking but the similarities between her and I are ridiculous! We once sat in a room together saying nothing while staring at one of Michiru's abstract paintings and came up with the exact same word-by-word interpretation. Haha! We were so amused but unfortunately Michiru didn't seem to appreciate it. I can remember faintly her scolding me about my lack of conviction or something towards viewing her art and a whole bunch of other things but the whole time I was still stuck on how me and Makoto managed to be surfing the same wavelength. I of course tried to sway the situation in my favor telling Michiru that it wasn't me at fault for my "simple-minded" interpretation, but it was she that held true talent! I told her that she was a genius with a paintbrush producing art that could **only** be interpreted one way and that no matter how many eyes rested upon it, each viewer would receive the same revelation that came to Makoto and me. I also said that too many people created works with too many open-ended interpretations; you are one of the elite few that could produce work with only one possible meaning. I myself was proud of my quick-witted response but Michiru didn't seem to like it and locked me out of our bedroom for a whole week. Luckily, we have a comfortable couch and reruns of my favorite show were playing each night.

That was moments before Crystal Tokyo was completed and moments before Usagi or Neo-Queen Serenity as she is known now, gave us the choice. I was happy then, had everything going for me with no chance at being torn. I had the love of my life Michiru, I had close friends the senshi and Usagi, still had time to enter impromptu races and strength to outlast a hundred men. I was set. Nothing could deter me from being content so my choice was easy. I didn't have any sacrifices to make by choosing to reside in the tower with Serenity, Mamoru and her soon to be born child but she did. Being the same type of person she is, I knew she would choose Crystal Tokyo without a moment's hesitation. Even if she herself had not yet satisfied her aspirations and even if it meant that she never would, she would never willingly abandon her task to protect and serve Serenity.

I don't share this with many people. As a matter of fact, Michiru doesn't even know about it. But the moment I got a chance to take Makoto to the side alone, I did and what I said has never left my mind.

_"Go live on your own a bit," I advised. "Crystal Tokyo will always be here."_

_Makoto looked skeptical and uneasy, something I had expected._

_"But I can't leave Usagi-chan," she said. "What if something happens? I have to be there just in case an enemy tries to get to her."_

_"Baka! Michiru and I will be with her at all times. We're literally going to be living right down the hall from her! No one is going to attack her without getting through us first. I'm telling you, we'll have it covered."_

_"I don't know."_

_Makoto looked worried, never easy to persuade when it involved getting her to ditch her past-life's mission. But I wanted so badly to convince her that she needed a life away from the senshi and that if she didn't take advantage of this chance, she might come to regret it later in life. I placed a firm hand on her shoulder, her reluctant green eyes so burdened with fear. I understood it completely but I was convinced that getting her to leave the senshi nest was the best thing to do._

_"You have a lot of unfinished dreams," I told her. "If you don't at least try this once to seek them out, you might end up destroying yourself in disappointment. There's nothing for you here that won't still be here after you've ventured out away from the pack. Don't let the mission dissuade you from living your own life!"_

Those were the words that had finally managed to win her over. The next day she returned to Usagi with a determined answer and I watched her leave with the highest hopes. I was proud of her. Glad that she finally got hold of an opportunity to live out her dreams that she held onto since before she ever knew she was a scout. She deserved it just like the others. I just never thought it could crumble so easily.

I was restless that night. Michiru was fast asleep and I didn't want to disturb her so I went for a drive in my cherry red sports car. The others often cringe at the sight of my primitive vehicle since flying cars were finally invented but there was just something about the tires running on the imperfect road that always appealed to me more than smooth sailing. The rev of my engine was music to my ears and I zoomed through the abandon highways at expert speed. The wind was blowing in my hair, nerves were easing, the night was perfect. That night could have easily been marked up as one of my greatest but the event that took place in the same hour would later reveal to me that the Earth was serenading me in a foreboding lie.

I finished by ride by morning, the sun rising behind me. I almost felt like the Greek God Helios, bringing the sun with my chariot. I was so free, so relieved and careless until I reached the tower and saw a burning hazard light shining at one of the peaks. I rushed out as fast as I could but was never prepared to see what I saw.

She was trembling all over, her skin covered with debris. She couldn't stop shaking and her eyes…I had never seen Makoto so terrified before in my life. It scared me to say the least because I had known by heart just how much it took to push either of us to that point. Doctors were flocking to try and check her but the static surrounding her kept them from getting too close. All the machines were short-circuited by her presence alone so it was basically pointless trying. I was frozen in place, the sound somehow muting from my ears. All I saw was Makoto, covered in soot and ashes, marked with blood and trembling. She wouldn't speak for days, I couldn't speak for days.

Ami who had been living overseas with her family was finally contacted for a favor. Since she herself was a doctor and had powers like us, we figured she could be the only person who could stand being within reach of Makoto and tend to her wounds if she had any without getting hurt. She came and she was more than able to help eventually deciding that she would return to Crystal Tokyo immediately when she heard what happened.

To this day, I still cannot forget that look in her eyes. She was so mortified, so deep in excruciating pain. It's sometimes hard for me to forget that the terror didn't happen to me but our spirits are so similar, and I can always feel her soul as if it were mine.

"Why me?" Haruka exclaimed in exasperation. "Why do I have to go next? Aren't Mars and Venus open for the mission? Hell, can't Ami wait a few days longer before switching?" Neptune was already out closing another door so she of course was not available.

Pluto looked sternly at the sandy blonde in discontent.

"Mars is preoccupied with her grandfather at the moment and Venus' daughter has a birthday tomorrow. Besides, Ami thinks it would be best to send you since the men of the other dimension seem to need a more aggressive force to combat their distrust for us. Quite frankly, Ami is much too nice. Even Hotaru and Chibi-Usa are much too nice."

Haruka groaned in disdain running a hand through her hair. She felt conflicted about the whole situation. Without a doubt she knew that Makoto would somehow be hurt by this and though she hadn't volunteered herself for this task, she still felt guilty that she was going to the dimension that Makoto so desperately wanted to see.

"I can't do it," she whispered.

Pluto was all too understanding, her eyes softening for the moment.

"As much as I would like to believe she is up for the task, I know it is not true."

Haruka looked up at the wise gatekeeper and frowned. She was right. Makoto was begging to be considered for this mission but they all knew she still was not stable enough to handle what she might discover, if there was even anything to find in the first place. So, the best thing to do was to end this mission as soon as possible to prevent Makoto from harboring on it for too long. Somehow they all seemed to think that if Makoto was indeed allowed to go to dimension 3, she would cause havoc of some sort that would only worsen the situation.

"We still can't keep her away from it," Haruka grumbled. "She'll find a way there now that it's popped up in her head."

"I know," Pluto replied. "Leave it to me and I'll find the right time to send her."

Haruka exhaled slowly as she nodded.

"If she asks," she started. "Tell her you forced me to go."

* * *

Heero and Wufei followed carefully as the women traveled to the nearest space port. Their eyes strained to spot every minute detail they could as the three now stood at a shaggy station that had looked to be out of use for years now. Patiently they waited, the sun slowly drifting from the sky to be replaced by the silent moon.

"Ack," Wufei grumbled. "Do they plan to stand there forever?"

Heero made no response, instead his stoic blue eyes rested on their still figures. This port was undoubtedly abandoned so why would they choose to stand there for so long if no shuttle was ever going to arrive? A small flicker of light caught his attention, his eyes straying not even for a brief second. Shaking his head, he looked back to the group only to find that Dr. M no longer stood there.

He growled. "What happened?"

Wufei suddenly returned his gaze to the women, wincing as he noticed a new person standing with the two amateurs.

"I didn't see," he said. "How did they switch?"

The two men were frustrated, to say the least, Wufei's fist slamming roughly into the wall.

"Dammit," he cursed. "We got nothing!"

The three Lunar corporation affiliates started to depart, Heero and Wufei staring blankly after them. The guys back at the mansion would not like this but one thing was certain, these women were not exactly the most normal they've ever met. How else could they have made a switch without a shuttle ever landing to drop off or pick up? Reluctantly the two hurried to their vehicle. Finding out who these people were might actually prove to be difficult.

* * *

"Silent as ever dear boy. Why do you continue to watch them if you already know the truth?"

The green-eyed brunette made no motion towards the man, his eyes still trained faithfully on the platform.

"I want to see it with my own eyes."

"Do you?" the voice prodded. "Will it bring to light anything different than what we've already told you?"

Trowa was silent again, so still and patient.

"You don't trust me."

"I don't know you."

The man laughed heartily positioning himself in a crouching position next to him.

"You know me, you have just forgotten."

Trowa blinked as he considered his words, catching the man slightly in his periphery. It was true. The man was strangely familiar to him and it took some time before Trowa finally realized just who he was.

"You're the man I used to see when I was in space. You're the one that always saves me."

"See," he grinned. "You do know."

"Why have you suddenly returned?" Trowa asked. Emotions still plain and nonchalant.

Another hearty laugh was earned as the man next to him started to dim.

"I've always been here, you just haven't been looking."

He faded away into the night sky, Trowa staring after him in the process. He could sense something happening down on the dock but couldn't pull himself to watch though it was the reason he came out here in the first place. Slowly, he stood up straight, snuggly positioning his jacket as he took one last glance at the stars. They seemed brighter tonight and when he returned to the mansion, he imagined he would again be up atop Heavy Arms' shoulder just gazing.

* * *

_I would like to thank Nerf-or-Nothing for your kind review. I was so excited to see it when I checked my email and I'm ecstatic to find that you enjoy the story thus far! Thank you so much for taking the time to review, I truly appreciate it. This story really excites me though it can sometimes be read as pretty boring lol but its a story I won't give up on. Anyhow, thank you again for your kind words and I hope the story continues to be interesting =] _

_4Shame_


	8. Chapter 8

Time suggests to me that without war I'm rather useless. I'm relieved that I no longer have to suffer through hurting more innocent people, freed by the fact that no more blood will have to stain my sinful hands as often as it use to, but I'm...hn

I used to savor the chill air untainted by man's inventions, used to enjoy open fields of green buried with nature's natural beauty and loved to inhale the fresh air as much as possible just so I could believe that it was real. I used to have a theory that once the war was finished, I'd be able to soak in those same peaceful places no longer hindered by the plaguing duty to fight. How wrong I was. The war has been over for years. The first chance I got, I rushed out to find a spot of untouched Earth for myself and stayed there. At first I was content, growing my own food and tending to the little house I made with my own hands. It was liberating, life changing and soothing but unrest permeated my soul as if it were a life that was never meant for me to have. So I returned to Quatre's mansion.

I wasn't sure why I had gone there but it seemed like the place to be since I figured if anyone could understand me it would be the ones that shared a similar history. Quatre was there as well as the less out-spoken Trowa Barton whose silence made even me feel like I talked too much. I didn't have to explain myself. I never did when it involved Quatre. He just accepted us as though there were nothing wrong. I envy him sometimes. Envy him for the way he holds himself and the fact that he still remains optimistic despite the hellish things he has witnessed and even caused with his own hands. Those hands are tainted and yet he appears as clean as an angel. I could never appear so innocent.

With civilian lives, Quatre spent his time trying to do a favor for Trowa. He had abandoned the circus after countless years of participation to saunter around the large hallways of the mansion. Though he hid his thoughts well and his emotions even better, I could see there was something wrong with him. He was not exactly the same as he used to be, though never producing new habits to expose his quiet shift. His frank statements that could be misconstrued as humorous no longer existed. To be honest, I don't even remember speaking anymore. Nods and gestures are all I see and I wonder what it is that he's thinking that could make him so distant.

The search is pointless. Quatre has tried, I have tried and even Duo though he probably would not admit it. The only explanation is that Trowa does not exist or someone has taken great lengths to cover his origins. I personally believe the latter for obvious reasons, which makes me curious. Why would someone want to wipe Trowa's history from being discovered? And who is responsible?

"Damn, Haruka's a monster!" Duo grumbled as he grudgingly clicked away at his computer. Dr. M's replacement held true to her warning, her aggressive, and no tolerance persona driving each pilot into a corner with no room to breathe.

As soon as she arrived, she separated them. Quatre became a guide to Usagi, familiarizing her with the geography of the land and with the technology. Heero was sent on a field mission in a location that Ami had pinpointed as an epicenter of the Black Star's business transactions along with Wufei. Trowa was given the task of accompanying Haruka in whatever job she was executing and Duo was left to do research under the ominous company of Hotaru.

"She's not that bad when you get to know her," Hotaru smiled to herself. "These are just trivial circumstances."

Duo scoffed in disbelief as he mindlessly clicked into various files and skimmed documents. Hacking was too easy, so easy he often had trouble trying to appear as though it posed as some challenge to him. Last he heard they were still trying to stall the whole operation until they could find more information. However, now he was being supervised, the violet-haired female quite chilling whenever he looked at her. She was gorgeous of course, her milky skin framing her deep night-violet eyes as the occasional dark strand of her bangs brushed her deep black eyelashes. Her dainty nature was a façade as Duo noticed some underlying power resonate throughout her whole frame, a power that he was uncertain he had ever wanted to witness.

"So what kind of circumstances would we have to meet under in order for her not to be such a b**ch?"

Hotaru sat in amusement, stifling a little laugh as she considered the braided man's question. He was indeed the most animated and open pilot of the bunch, something that entertained Hotaru in this slow moving mission. She was actually quite relieved to have the job of watching him since he was both handsome and held a semblance to Chibi-Usa herself when she was not focusing on training or her duties as a princess.

"Well for one," Hotaru replied. "It would have to be a situation that didn't involve a mission."

"Figures," Duo mumbled under his breath.

He continued clicking randomly looking busy and hoping this Hotaru was no sharp character. Wufei had told him of his suspicions of both Hotaru and Usagi being amateurs so Duo felt that he could probably fly under the radar as long as he appeared hard at work. If she did happen to question what he was doing, he was prepared to trigger a computer virus that would essentially freeze his work, wipe the hard drive and pose as a site security measure for hackers that made mistakes. Of course, Duo never made mistakes, but these people didn't know that.

"You're in their mainframe."

Duo jumped in surprise to see the reflective eyes of his female supervisor scanning the computer screen. He recovered quickly from his surprise and looked seriously back at the screen.

"Yeah," he said. "It took some time but I managed to get in."

Before he could say anything more, Hotaru was reaching over him vigorously typing strings of commands along with clicking in various places. Duo's heart raced with panic as he tried to figure out a way to get her to stop. She was smart, much smarter than he gave her credit for and if he didn't act quickly and inconspicuously then she would undoubtedly find Black Star's base and they would have to infiltrate as soon as these women commanded it be done. As if a light had suddenly clicked in his head, he remembered he had already plotted a scheme for this particular situation and quickly set it in action.

Hand outstretching, he grabbed the mouse back, ignoring the cold touch of Hotaru's hand and clicking in the surely protected vicinity of the documents.

"Let me do this," he said out loud trying to make himself as arrogant sounding as possible. "Little girls like you would just activate a tracer and—"

The computer screen froze, Hotaru's eyes wide with horror as she watched the virus eat at the hard drive. Inside, Duo was jumping for joy, though he hid it well with his shocked face on the outside.

"Oops."

* * *

For some unfathomable reason, Haruka could not stop staring at Trowa. He was handsome, she would give him that, but she never preferred the opposite sex herself. Why then was she staring? She would scold herself mentally for the strange behavior but her eyes would never listen as they uninhibitedly drifted in his direction. There was something about him…

She shook her head taking another gracious sip of her tea. She was being paranoid. There could be no other explanation. She ran a hand through her cropped mane, ruffling her bangs with a sigh. Trowa was motionless, taking a position that Haruka had never seen him stray from apart from the times where he would have to walk to another location. She wondered what Trowa would do if she had decided to take them to a place where there were no walls to lean on but quickly disregarded the thought as it was irrelevant. Why did she keep looking at him?

She groaned in detestation, wishing instantly that she had some alcohol to sooth her nerves. This mission had been taxing, her guilt for being here clouding her ability to stay level-headed. She could tell that the pilots were stalling but because she was so consumed with thoughts of Makoto, she couldn't properly address the issue. If she hastened the mission and completed it before Makoto even received a chance to come then she would despise Haruka for centuries. But if she didn't and allowed the pilots to stall, then Makoto might actually gain the opportunity to visit this dimension and what would ensue was likely to be detrimental.

She wanted to growl in frustration but withdrew again realizing that she was not alone. The subject of her straying eyes again plagued her some unknown force transfixing her on the stranger. There was something about him…

"Haruka-san."

The sandy blonde hastily snapped her head towards the voice, violet tendrils swaying with the movement of their owner.

"Hotaru," she acknowledged. "What is it?"

"We've triggered a virus," she let out reluctantly, Haruka springing from her seat.

"What?" She nearly yelled. Hotaru exhaled nervously.

"There is a tracker in the virus. I assume we'll be flooded in enemy fleets if we don't get out of here soon."

Haruka's eyes immediately fell on the chestnut-haired American who was scratching his head in uncertainty. She should have known! Her teeth grit as a slur of commands escaped her stained frown. So much for smooth sailing…

Chibi-Usa and Quatre were informed at once, Duo, Trowa, Hotaru and Haruka packing to leave. Heero and Wufei would have to be contacted but for the time, Haruka had to be sure they all evaded the enemies' sure-to-come attack so that they did not discover that the senshi of the other dimension were hot on their trail. As soon as they relocated to a safe place, she would be sure to make a call to Pluto to inform her of the current situation. This mission would not be as simple as they had hoped it would be.

* * *

Heero slipped in with ease, Wufei acting as the watchman while he hacked into the system. For an organization that was potentially on the brink of war, they sure seemed pretty lax. He got to work quickly, decrypting codes and weaseling through loopholes to see what was so important or significant about Black Star that would attract such strange enemies. His stoic eyes skimmed lines upon lines of characters, neither one sating his curiosity as he delved further.

A curious folder suddenly popped up on the screen, Heero hesitating before finally clicking it open. The password was easy to avoid as he entered a back door to find countless documents of complex physics equations accompanied by pages of blueprints for a peculiar looking machine. Hearing a warning from Wufei, he quickly stuck in his flash drive and downloaded the information.

Narrowly avoiding a possible trigger of an alarm, Wufei and Heero walked briskly through the halls in the organizations own uniforms.

"Find anything?" Wufei queried.

"Hn," Heero grunted. As if use to the response Wufei nodded knowing full well that Heero succeeded.

"Good," he said. "The faster we figure this thing out the sooner we can get rid of those women."

Nodding in agreement, Heero frowned, eyes narrowing as he noticed a flank of officers standing at the door they planned to walk out of. Wufei too seemed perturbed, his muscles twitching with anticipation.

"Now boys, where do you think you're going?"

The two froze in place. They were found out? As if by instinct, they reached for their weapons only to have them knocked from their grips by some unknown means.

"Tsk tsk," the man scoffed.

Then they saw it. The flank of soldiers behind him had eyes consumed with black, a document suddenly springing into Heero's thoughts.

_Super Soldiers_

He cursed mentally alongside Wufei suddenly feeling his body no longer under his control. Stubbornly he tried to break free but failed in each attempt, Wufei suffering from the same situation. Amused, the unknown leader of the soldiers smiled.

"I don't know why you thought you had to break in here but I'll sure have a great time finding out."

Led behind him the pilots felt their bodies being pulled by no hands. One thing was for certain, this was definitely not the usual mission.

* * *

_Nerf-or-Nothing: Thank you again for your kind review! The man was not present in this chapter but I will bring him up more often in future chapters. This story is moving pretty quickly, I think and I think I may have mentioned before but still continue to mention that I am extremely excited to bring out Makoto's story soon. I've been itching to give a monologue/first person snippet for Trowa but have been holding out XD Anyhow, thank you again for reading and your comments are always so pleasant to hear. =]_

**Thank you for reading.**

**4Shame**


	9. Chapter 9

I am happy, though when I look at her I often start to question it. How can I be so carefree when she is burdened with guilt…pain…suffering…I'm unsure. A tear never ceases to produce when I am pondering the subject.

She lived in the country at the time, acquiring a humble, stable household. She opened her little bakery/flower shop on the corner of a rustic town square plaza. It was the cutest little place I had ever seen. The interior was homey, warm and inviting making it difficult for anyone just to stop in without settling down for a moment. Warm earth tones inhabited that gorgeous space as a wall was ornamented with arrays of breathtaking flower arrangements and then, there was the scent. Oh I can't help but smile when I think of it, the salivating aroma, the feeling of comfort as my heart suddenly starts to smooth over like a steadily melting chocolate…it was wonderful. There was never a time where the aroma didn't fill the room, even if Makoto herself wasn't even cooking. How she did it, I couldn't begin to imagine since she only had two employees who dealt specifically with the flowers. Still, I doubt that I would have wanted to know since I feared it might take away from the magic of the shop.

I visited many times just to catch a glimpse of the scene. Though the food and the flowers were great, I couldn't avoid the elation I felt when seeing her so happy. She was alone for a long time and in that instant I could see that she no longer felt the loneliness as people constantly swarmed around her. She was a regular celebrity that Mako-chan especially with the children whom she often gave free samples to. It is what my own children adore about her as well and yet now is significantly different from then.

I used to say it was funny how time and random thoughts used to foreshadow the coming of certain events. For example, I was engaged to a nice American man, tall, dark haired and excruciatingly handsome. He was high in the business world, though it was not really an aspect of his character that I liked much. We were to be married in two months on the first day of Spring, my favorite season. I was out making plans, sending invitations when a thought struck me. _Go visit Jamie._ Jamie was a good friend of mine at the time, who was struck with a sad fate. Her husband of three years cheated on her which ultimately led to him leaving soon after he was found out. She had recovered and started dating, which I was relieved about, so I hadn't seen her for quite some time. Why I had suddenly decided to go see her that day was unknown to me but if I hadn't…well if I hadn't then I might have been stuck in a nightmare.

I imagine it might be easy to assume what it is I found upon arrival as the front door was unlocked and no one had answered. I would have just shrugged my shoulders and walked away had I not spotted my fiancé's car on the street side. I walked in and immediately met with that disgusting scent, but continued nonetheless because I had to be sure. Up the stairs, in a room down the hall I could hear them—ugh it annoys me to recall it. I always find it funny how women who suffered from cheating spouses could go and inflict the same misery onto a friend by fornicating with their better halves. Moments after that tend to get foggy as I remember rage and anger over anything else accompanied by a blinding yellow light. When I came to, I was inside Crystal Tokyo's kingdom.

There was a pact made before the senshi who had wanted to live regular lives departed. We were to keep our powers hidden and if we used them then we would have to return to Crystal Tokyo. I guess my blind rage triggered my abilities and disintegrated half the house so I was brought back. Luckily, or unfortunately depending on who you ask, the two jackrabbits were never scratched. I suppose I still had some self restraint left in those cloudy times or Haruka had showed up before I could finish what I started. Either way I've progressed past that and I'm unsure if you've heard but I have a husband worth far more than he could have ever been.

But anyways, that was only one time where I could honestly say I found random promptings to be "funny". However, in the case of Makoto's disaster, I find promptings no longer entertaining. If anything, they've become cause for high anxiety as I now never ignore any notion no matter how small because I ignored it then and I've been sorry ever since.

It was another day in the kingdom, not much rustling as I meandered through the halls. A curious inquiry overtook me as my eyes fell upon the lush garden in the heart of Crystal Tokyo. Slowly I approached all the while feeling a bit anxious for unknown reasons. The rose bushes were in full bloom, beautifully complimenting the wax green leaves surrounding them. You see Serenity loved roses for obvious reasons and had numerous bushes full of them with every color; red, pink, white, orange, yellow and even blue but don't ask me how they managed that. In the center of the cobble-stone garden, there was planted Serenity's favorite rose bush. "Romantic Red", as she liked to call it, the blossoming buds exuding a warm and provocative intone. Quite a naughty feeling for such a brightly aglow Queen, if you ask me, but that's another story. My eyes blinked hesitantly as a single white bud seemed to have taken refuge amongst the bushel of red. I walked to it, touched it softly and rubbed my eyes to make sure it was real. Sure enough, it still remained amidst the red, rooted firmly in the same stump. In that instant, I saw Makoto.

Now I'm not psychic, I have never claimed to be. Those types of things I leave to Mars, Pluto and Neptune to handle since they all seem to have a sensitive sixth sense. Me, I'm far from any of that mess and so I guess that is why I chose not to check in on Makoto after finding that strange white rose. Honestly, a white rose surrounded by red ones? Was that supposed to warn me? And why me?

Maybe I could have stopped it. Perhaps I could have even saved those people while it happened. But I'll never know. The next day I returned to the garden and the rose was gone. _Sigh._ I hate cryptic events and loath even more their possible interpretations. Over all, I hate that I was given a clue. But because I believed I could never receive such "divine intervention" as I can think of nothing else to label it as, I ignored it. God Mako-chan I'm so sorry.

"Let me go," Venus insisted as Pluto stood pensive about the situation.

Haruka had contacted her and informed them about their current predicament. Venus was also present since she was the leader of the senshi and as soon as she heard that the situation was unfavorable, she knew someone else would have to go in and help. Her heart raced as she knew that there was only a small window of execution available, one where they would have to attack quickly before the Black Star Organization could relocate and again evade them. For these types of missions where time was crucial, the outers were often sent or Jupiter and Mars since they seemed to work exceedingly well in time crunched positions. But of course, Mars was deeply engaged in the issue with her grandfather's health, Neptune was out on another mission, and Pluto could not leave since Saturn was gone and she had resumed the responsibility of watching the dimensional doors in her stead and Jupiter had free time like no other.

Venus had the power to exact the precautions necessary but Pluto was skeptical. How long would she keep Jupiter from this dimension? Every time she thought that they might be finishing soon in that dimension, something would come up to derail them. First the men had started to get suspicious and were stalling, something Pluto was well aware of, and so they sent Haruka. Now, a virus had infected the Winner mainframe with a tracker. So not only was the enemy alert that they were being followed but they had a location to scope. Whether or not they would discover that the senshi of the Crystal dimension were on their tail was a fact that Pluto hoped would elude them for the time being but she still held doubts.

"Pluto," Venus sounded. "Let me go."

There was a moment of silent reflection before the crimson-eyed gatekeeper finally nodded.

"Alright," she breathed.

Venus was gone in the blink of an eye. Pluto sighed. The sooner they completed this task, the better off they would be.

* * *

"Heero and Wufei haven't reported in over twelve hours," Quatre remarked with a look of concern. "That's very unlike them."

"What would keep them from reporting?" Haruka asked with a stern expression.

Even Duo had looked grim, Hotaru and young Usagi frowning in anticipation. Trowa stood still the same.

"They could have gotten caught," Quatre acknowledged somewhat pained. "Or—"

"They're probably being followed," Duo interrupted gruffly, trying to shake off the cold chill that rippled through his spine.

"That is possible," Quatre meekly agreed.

Haruka's jaw tensed, her body frigid with the inevitable. She hated to admit it, but she was starting to feel sorry for both pilots that were either in captivity or dead and also for the three that were left behind to speculate their whereabouts. After all if it wasn't for the senshi hiring them for this assignment then they wouldn't have been in this mess. She ruffled her hair in deep contemplation as she tried to plot out a rescue mission that could keep the fact that the senshi were onto this group of dimensional terrorists secret. She could allow Trowa, Quatre and even Duo permission to go save them but a gut feeling told her it would be no use.

Being a closet conniver that often found it much too easy to understand and relate to the thought process of "criminals" or other variances of the sort, Haruka had a vague idea of what these Black Star people might have been up to. Why, if she were to manipulate the dimensional doors, she would use them to seek out new secrets to power. That's as simply put as she could make it. Most contriving people tended to be driven by the idea of becoming powerful, it was the underlying construct of society itself. So was it so farfetched to believe that this was their motive? Not at all.

Royal blues examined Hotaru and Usagi as they waited expectantly for her verdict. They too were starting to feel the guilt, it could be seen in their eyes. Haruka would be sure to lecture the both of them later for allowing their emotions to display themselves so willingly amongst business associates. She sighed, a light glowing softly behind a closed door.

They were taking temporary refuge in an underground haven built years ago for the Winner family. Benefits of being rich, she supposed. After the light dimmed, the doorknob turned, the men instinctively drawing their weapons.

"Put those down," Haruka hissed, a sunflower blonde walking cautiously in with hands in air.

Trowa was the only one that had not reacted, his hands securely glued into his pockets. Quatre and Duo grit their teeth in frustration and hesitantly obeyed.

The newcomer gave an apologetic smile. "Perhaps I should've called first."

Haruka nodded. So the game of keep away continued. She half-expected to see a tall brunette march through that door but she should have known Setsuna would not send her so soon…if at all that is. Still, Venus would be a great help since Haruka didn't quite trust that Hotaru and Usagi were completely ready for what they would have to do. With Venus, chances of staying hidden were greater as she was one of the fastest of the senshi in competition with Haruka. Seemed their similar source of power, light (and added wind for Haruka), did more than incinerate, they fueled physical speed too though it often took a lot of energy to use that move often. Together, Haruka and Minako just might have been able to infiltrate Black Star fast enough and recover the two missing pilots if they were still alive.

In the ideal circumstance, they would be able to also end their current activity all together and put an end to this madness but Pluto had told them that they were well organized with very few people who knew the true extent of the operations run there. Heero and Wufei were supposed to find these few people so that the senshi could corner them but it had not gone according to plans.

"And who are you?"

Duo's cobalt blue eyes were hardened, much in contrast to how they usually were. Venus frowned slightly before answering.

"My name is Minako," she said. "I've come to help."

Before Duo could plunge into a verbal debacle, Haruka stepped in.

"We've got to infiltrate Black Star and retrieve the men we sent."

Minako, Hotaru and Usagi looked appalled.

"So soon?" Minako asked, Quatre watching the conversation carefully.

His heart leapt as soon as Haruka stated those precious words but his faith in their ability to execute this mission was wavering. They made it sound so simple and Minako's response erected more questions in his mind. It seemed as though they had the strength all along to take down this organization and according to Duo who was shocked by Hotaru's abrupt intervention in hacking, they had the brains to find them. So why did they waste time by hiring them?

"If we wait any longer they might discover us, or worse, there may not be anyone to save."

Minako winced.

"Of course. The two of us should go immediately."

Hotaru stepped forward ready to interrupt until Haruka placed a hand on her shoulder. Perplexed, her violet eyes searched for an answer.

"You two would just hold us back. Stay here and try to keep hidden. I have a feeling that these guys will need your help if the enemy happens to find this hideout."

Hotaru and Usagi bit their tongues. It was true, they couldn't slip into the faction incognito like Haruka and Minako could so they would have to stay behind.

"We're coming with you," Duo projected, earning a scoff from Haruka.

"Sorry kid," she smirked. "But you'll just make it harder for us if you come."

"Kid?" Duo repeated. He had half a mind to throw punches for the insult but Quatre held him back.

"Please," he pleaded. "At least let one of us help you."

Haruka's snide expression disappeared, her face again becoming strained.

"This was a mistake made by us. We had no idea what the enemy was capable of and now it has seemed that they have much more power than we gave them credit for. It was our mistake and we will fix it ourselves."

She walked out of the room, Duo's fists shaking as Minako lagged behind a bit to take in their features.

"I'm sorry," she stated in her sincerest voice. "But this is how it has to be."

"And you won't let us come," Duo remarked bitterly.

She shrugged, her eyes suddenly catching on the silent-ridden brunette in the corner. As if caught by some unfathomable surprise, her breath caught, heart pounding achingly inside. The sense of Uranus' power charging pulled her out of the daze and back to Duo. She gulped, looking pointedly at him.

"You can come if you can keep up."

She shut the door, Duo springing to his feet to follow after. Imagine his surprise when he opened it to see no one there. He cursed, slamming the door shut in response. His eyes shot coldly to Hotaru and Usagi who had known his attempt was futile.

"They're fast," Usagi commented. "Much faster than the both of us put together."

Quatre was sure now that this was no ordinary group of women. He did his best to keep Duo from lashing out and sat in quiet meditation, watching as Hotaru and Usagi assumed seated positions across from the three of them. Even these two, no matter how new to the job they were, had some type of resonating energy far more dangerous than they had originally thought possible. Just how long would this Lunar Corporation try to keep their secrets hidden? It was a new favorite question but being the patient man that he is, Quatre refrained from trying to pry as he sensed that their story would unfold by itself despite their efforts to avoid it. So for now, he would wait.

"You're friends will be fine."

Trowa's ears perked, though his body remained motionless. In his periphery he spotted that man standing beside him with hands in pocket. The others had not noticed his arrival, as Trowa suspected, since no one ever seemed to be able to see him apart from himself.

"Those two are well accustomed to rescue missions."

Trowa nodded in response, eyes gazing towards Hotaru and Usagi. As if the man could read his mind, he answered Trowa's inquiry.

"They're good allies to have," he stated. "Though they keep secrets, it's within good reason."

Trowa's verdant eyes glanced back at the man who laughed lightly.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you that," he said. "There's a strict contract with them prohibiting any further explanation."

Contract? Trowa mentally hummed. Interesting. He closed his eyes, taking in the silence as the man's presence seemed to happen more frequently with more details to expel. Who he was, Trowa had yet to determine exactly but it was clear that he seemed to know a lot about everything.

* * *

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I truly appreciate it. I'm nearly half way done, possibly even more, with this particular story which is exciting. I cannot wait to get to the part I've planned out for so long =] Again thank you for your time.

**4Shame**


	10. Chapter 10

You would think that I would know better by now. That is, one would suppose I'd stop trying to alter Destiny as if it is something I have power over. All these years in existence have surpassed anyone living in this dimension today. I am easily marked the senior though I don't look anything near close to that. And yet here I am still stubborn and slow to give into the calls of Fate. If Destiny and Fate were people I'm sure we would not be on great terms with each other. I have more than once attempted to hinder both these things and each time I am eventually defeated as they are much more patient and withstanding than I could ever be, which might come as a surprise.

I have tried to keep Jupiter from dimension 3 for her sake and for ours, the senshi I mean, including Serenity and Endymion. I've got a gut feeling that won't go away that chaos will ensue as soon as I allow Makoto the chance to enter that dimension. Yet, the strings of Fate and Destiny keep beckoning for her to go. They use to be annoying whispers in my ears but have now turned to shrieks piercing enough to make my eardrums bleed. Of course, it isn't the first time.

She hasn't been seen too often, stowing away when there are no missions occupying her but quick to complete a mission as soon as she is assigned a dimension other than 3. I know she is waiting. I guess she has been for decades now though neither of us knew it not even Makoto. And like is customary, Fate has dealt a hand that has forced us to consider Makoto above everyone.

Rei cannot be bothered as she gloomily hovers above her grandfather's bed, Michiru refuses to go since she has now become burdened with worry for her lover's well being, I am obligated to remain in our dimension during Hotaru's absence, Ami will be needed to tend to Haruka's health since she is the best and there are absolutely no open doors present to occupy a green-eyed soldier's time. So you see. Against my constant applications to prevent her involvement with dimension 3, Fate has again reminded me of the inevitable. Makoto Kino will have to go.

I am uneasy about the situation as I can see her teetering mindset. Though she is strong I cannot honestly say that she is strong _enough_ to face what she might come to realize. I'm afraid for her. I'm afraid for that dimension. Within each of us is a great amount of power and it would amaze you what we're capable of when struck with a vigorous provocation of emotion. Destruction is painfully easy for us and as a cruel reminder reconstruction is dreadfully difficult no matter how powerful we may come to be.

* * *

Haruka was too deeply injured to stay which was discomforting. She took out the whole base but the trade off was almost not worth it. Black Star had again gone into hiding, most likely to devise a way to either accumulate more power so they wouldn't suffer such a hindrance again when faced once more with one of the senshi or to find a way to disappear. Either option was no help to this case, for the Crystal Tokyo heroes that is. Minako frowned. They were strong, surprisingly strong but luckily Minako and Haruka were still superior in speed and strength. An unruly haired brunette and glaring Chinese man were rescued and now resting as Minako masked their temporary hideout to the best of her ability.

"I guess I screwed up," Haruka scoffed light-heartedly.

Minako's worried expression temporarily lifted as she let a smile press through.

"You don't seem too sad about it," she replied. "I'm starting to think you might have done this on purpose."

Haruka exhaled obnoxiously.

"And what exactly do I have to gain by my actions?"

Minako shrugged.

"I've never really been able to understand you and your motives," she admitted. "But I know you and Makoto have gotten pretty close."

Immediately the two stiffened unconsciously.

"Sorry," Minako muttered.

"Don't be," Haruka quickly affirmed. She suddenly winced, again reminded of her poor condition.

"Damn," she cursed. "My body's gotten pretty spoiled. It's like I've never felt pain before."

"Well," Minako reminded. "You haven't been this fatigued since…well ever."

"I guess you're right," Haruka mumbled, gasping as she forced herself to her feet. "Still, I don't understand how they could have spotted us."

Haruka looked grim, Minako too growing uneasy. They're entrance was flawless and their speed to quick to be picked up by any machine but somehow they were found out. Shaking her head, she discarded the thought to address the present.

"We'll have to review that later," Minako stated, her inherent leadership coming out. "The Moon is about to show, we should get ready to switch."

Haruka nodded, the two stepping outside to await the transaction. Minako's heart raced as she anticipated the arrival of Haruka's replacement. There could be no mistaking that only one person would be sent now since she was prided in her ability to complete missions quickly especially in compromising circumstances. The silver moonlight shimmered adoringly, Haruka's frame quickly disappearing into it. Minako averted her eyes for a brief moment, the shimmering light too sparkly for her eyes despite her innate control of light. As the moonlight dimmed to match the usual shine, she lifted her gaze to see the taller frame of a well recognized companion. Her mahogany strands curled anxiously in their hold as jade orbs beamed with uncertainty.

Minako pushed her inhibitions aside and gave a comforting smile.

"Welcome, Mako-chan."

* * *

Hotaru's eyes shot up, a large rumble shaking the roof of their hideout.

"They found us," she muttered, Usagi immediately getting to her feet.

Quatre rushed to the computer pulling up screens to pick up the camera feeds.

"Mobile suits," he stated. "Lots of them."

As his suspicions were confirmed, Duo headed towards the hangar.

"Can you handle that many?" Usagi asked hesitantly as the screens swarmed with large humanoids.

"We'll see," Quatre responded grabbing his goggles and gloves. He stopped in mid-step looking to Trowa who was posted against the wall. "Are you coming?"

For a moment there was no movement, Trowa's vacant stare eerily lurking uncomfortably around Quatre. There was a small nod, one that he could barely even notice as Trowa mindlessly went in the direction of his Gundam to leave Quatre as the last pilot in the room.

"What can we do to help?" Hotaru asked earning a shrug with a small smile from Quatre.

"I honestly can't think of anything but wait here until we're done."

He ran out, leaving Hotaru and Usagi to stare after him. The large metal doors slid shut, roaring machinery echoing from the other side.

"You know," Usagi started, her sharp red eyes going slightly dreamy.

"What?" Hotaru replied, eyes stern and demeanor antsy.

"I think I may have a crush on Quatre."

Hotaru nearly fell to the floor at the abrupt admission, her cheeks flushing as she was now reminded of just how close Chibi-Usa was to her mother. Only she could bring up something so random in the midst of a dangerous battle.

"Well don't let it develop too much," Hotaru voiced. "Though he's a gentleman I don't know how he'll handle the fact that you're older than his parents…much older."

"Ah, age is just a number!" Usagi refuted.

Hotaru's mouth was agape ready to respond until another tremor shook the whole room nearly forcing both females to loose their footing. Without thought, Hotaru returned to the computer screens to see what was going on.

"They need help."

Duo grunted in frustration, mobile suits swarming around him like a pack of wolves. He would take down ten just to have twenty more pop up to take their place. Teeth grit as he was beginning to lose his cool, Quatre's voice coming in over the radio.

"Duo, Trowa's not answering his radio."

"Dammit," Duo cursed, slicing through three mobile suits with his scythe and shooting an onslaught pair. His screen caught glimpse of Heavy Arms standing motionless as a group of suits were headed towards it.

"Com'on Trowa," Duo muttered to himself as he raced over to ward off the suits. Quatre showed up beside him, the two protecting Heavy Arms to the best of their ability. They were slowly losing their footing, they're strategy never including banding together. Philosophy for the pilots was always to divide and conquer no matter the numbers but Trowa's disturbing lack of action left them crippled as they tried to defend him until he finally stepped in.

"God dammit Trowa, WAKE UP!" Duo yelled over his radio.

Nothing but silence ensued, the two inching back slowly as the hordes of mobile suits kept squeezing in around them.

"Sh*t," Duo cursed. "I'm out of ammo."

He clung to his scythe in anticipation, the other suits approaching them tauntingly as if knowing the Gundams were losing ammunition.

Quatre's heart dropped, his head shifting to look at his two friends.

"So this is how it ends," he muttered as the thought settled into his mind.

Duo lowered his head, a small scoff sounding as his trademark grin spread across his face.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

His grip tightened even more on his controls the last battle die fighting aura washing through both of them and Heavy Arms was still unresponsive.

"Oh by the way," Duo started in a playful voice. "I'm kicking your $$ when I see you in hell Trowa."

Duo raised his scythe to counter an incoming attack but was shocked by a sparkling black wall that seemingly appeared out of nowhere, stopping the attack from impact.

"What the…" he drifted, the wall quickly evaporating. The other suits turned to look for the producer and naturally Duo's eyes followed.

There on the ground that seemed miles away he spotted the pale violet-haired female, a tall pointed staff in one hand as a purple light cradled her form.

"Well whaddya know?" He smirked.

He grabbed a mobile suit headed in her direction and threw him down, using his scythe to decapitate him. In another shocking display, he saw a whole line of mobile suits disintegrated by the black electricity he assumed was Hotaru's.

"Remind me to stay on her good side," he mumbled to himself, the fight suddenly becoming much more feasible.

Quatre's royal blue eyes blinked in surprise but he hastily shook it off as he resumed fighting. Heavy Arms was finally moving, guns blazing as Trowa's skills were put to use. Quatre caught himself in a grapple, the other suit trying to overpower him as they both looked to be in a complete stand still. Red flashed on his screen as a mobile suit was detected directly behind him. Stuck he found his breath stalling until a blanket of blinding white light engulfed Sandrock completely. His sensors in his suit went blank, the monitors in no better condition as they were covered with static. Slowly, Quatre unbuckled himself from his seat and lowered his cockpit to try and see what it was that happened as the noise of a raging war no longer sounded.

He descended to find the sugar pink buns atop the cream-faced female with striking ruby eyes. His hand immediately ran through his hair, ruffling it a bit to try and piece together what it was that just took place.

"Wh—" he stopped. "How?"

Usagi smiled.

"I suppose we've got some explaining to do."

* * *

Thank you for reading!

Nerf-or-Nothing: Your reviews are always so kind. Thank you so much and I'm glad you've enjoyed this story. I hope this didn't disappoint. I finally wrote Trowa's monologue/first person perspective and I am so excited to put it up but some things have to happen beforehand that I haven't yet written so it's been difficult trying to stay focused on the in between action up to that point but also it motivates me to write quicker lol. Again thank you so much for reading and for your reviews ^^

anonymous: I'm so flattered that you read this despite your dislike for this style. I really appreciate it =) I too am in love with this story I must admit. Though C.H.E. is terribly fun to write, my favor lies mostly in this one ^^; Thank you so much for your review and I hope this chapter was up to par.

4Shame


	11. Chapter 11

"_Don't worry. You're safe now."_

"_Who are you?"_ The green-eyed soldier questioned hazily.

His head was pounding, pain twitching ruthlessly across his skull as though it were cracked and tracing the jagged edges of the break. He struggled to stay conscious only catching sight of familiar deep blue eyes of a man that had made his mind reel in frustration. As he drifted he could hear a name but the name would not become clear as if knowing that by staying hidden it would taunt him until he could no longer stand it.

"_Everything will be alright."_

* * *

My mother was never one to completely disregard the supernatural. Though she never openly admitted to believing in it, she never denied it either. I suppose like she, I've adopted the same type of attitude, indifferent but never truly closed off to the idea. After all, some would consider me "unnatural", "strange", "impossible", all things that could be used to describe the aforementioned topic. The supernatural. Now that I stop to think about it, I believe in an afterlife and I believe that my ancestors are there watching me. So should their story really surprise me?

I can see their motive now and their actions do not stray far from what I would do if placed in their situation. To watch over worlds other than your own? I'm actually beginning to sympathize for them. I suppose they're not that bad either.

At first I had suspected them for frauds trying to manipulate us to do their dirty work but now it's evident that wasn't the case. Though it reprieves me to finally hear the truth, I've now become curious of another topic.

The look of loss is evident in her aura, the loss of someone important. I know because I was the same way when my wife was killed along with what was left of my family and friends. But she is lost and without purpose. Her presence here is undoubtedly confusing, frustrating and possibly painful. When I was lost I was unsure of how to handle things, uncertain as to what sort of action I should take. My mind was swallowed in those events, tainted by the pain and suffering. It fueled my motivation for "justice", a term I so willingly used as a substitute for vengeance. I was driven by painful memories and it's not hard to see that she is in the same place I used to be…Misery.

"We'll leave as soon as we're certain Black Star is shut down and inoperable," Minako concluded, Heero and Wufei taking in the information and nodding.

She glanced towards Makoto who sat quietly by and frowned. Minako wished she could see what was going on in that head of hers but since she had arrived, she remained quiet the majority of the time.

"So," Wufei started. "I guess having the coordinates for Black Star's main base would be useful in ending this whole ordeal," he ended suggestively with a slight frown.

Minako suddenly perked up in interest.

"Do you—"

"Duo found them. We've had them ever since the beginning."

"But," Heero quickly interceded. "They may have moved base when they realized they were being tracked."

"True," Minako stated. "But it probably takes time to relocate. We may still have a chance to intercept them before they disappear again."

She looked expectantly at Makoto who merely bobbed her head, rising slowly from her seat in anticipation as she assumed that meant they would be leaving shortly. Wufei looked skeptical, his charcoal gaze still resting on the brunette.

"Are you stable enough?" He questioned.

Minako winced, gulping at the fact that a man who had barely even met her could already see that there was something wrong. Makoto suddenly turned cold, her eyes unforgiving as if offended that he would ask such a question. She did not respond to him vocally, a quick flash of lightning striking through her eyes in a dangerous warning. Minako hastily stepped in.

"Makoto never fails," she asserted though she secretly had her own thoughts of doubt. "And she won't start now."

Wufei and Heero nodded apprehensively, the static growing thicker as they stood in the room. Wufei, stubborn and unafraid, groaned in dismay. Hopefully the blonde would be able to keep the brunette sane though he knew better than anyone that chances were dismal.

"We should get going."

Minako headed for the exit, Makoto following after until stopped by an impulsive placement of a hand on her shoulder. Surprise was evident all around, including Wufei, as he didn't expect his body to reach out so carelessly. Makoto's body tensed, irritation rising and provoking action as she reverted her gaze back to him. However, his expression shocked her, deep ominous charcoal eyes staring back at her with a history that was all too familiar.

"I know what you're feeling," he murmured in a low tone, his angular eyes growing darker as the wall he kept up started to falter. He didn't know why he chose to stop her or even why he was compelled to share such a deeply hidden past with a complete stranger, but his heart wouldn't let him turn a blind eye to someone he could clearly influence if he just spoke up.

"Don't let it consume you," he stated, splicing a large balloon of relief in his self as the realization of closure finally washed over him.

Makoto gulped, her heart suddenly stalling at his words. She looked away, the static dissipating as she nodded silently. She felt something placed in her hand, her eyes curiously dropping to see what it was. It was a wrinkled picture, lines and cracks rippling through a photo of Wufei and a slender female beside him with striking dark eyes that stood out against her fair cream skin. She was proud, just as he was, with the strong frame of a fighter. Makoto looked to him and immediately understood, a watery downpour threatening to escape. She stifled the tears and gripped the picture as her heart somehow felt the first sensation of comfort she had ever witnessed since that day.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Minako looked perplexed from the door, her ears unable to pick up on what was said. Nevertheless, Makoto moved towards her, now a bit more at ease as they finally took their leave. Soon after, Heero and Wufei departed to reunite with their comrades in hopes that Makoto and Minako would find Black Star before relocation and end their activity.

* * *

Quatre and Duo were speechless. The story of the senshi and the idea that other worlds existed apart from their own was mindboggling. Hotaru and Usagi smiled as they patiently waited for the story to settle and peered curiously at the nearly invisible pilot of Heavy Arms who stood in the outside hallway. Since they returned from the fight, he was even more distant and unresponsive. Quatre had tried to get him to speak with his polite mannerisms, which didn't seem to be of much use and Duo had punched him at first sight in anger for his lack of help on the battlefield. Still, Trowa just shrugged him off, his cheek slightly red from the blow, and walked away, finding a place against a wall where he leant, folding his arms and closing his eyes.

Duo was then fuming once more but Quatre brought him down and convinced him to leave Trowa alone for the time being. That was when the girls had commenced their explanation, receiving looks of disbelief and skepticism. But with the display of inexplicable power, the boys thought it best not to question their history.

Minako had contacted them, the small watch communicator earning a grin as Duo found it ingenious. She informed them that she and Makoto would be scoping out the coordinates for Black Star's main base and that with luck they would be able to complete the mission once and for all. Usagi was glad and even relieved that Makoto had appeared to be fully functional but Hotaru for some untold reason was beginning to become anxious. She hid her uneasy feelings with small smiles and laughs but she could not deny the hazy cloud of discomfort swelling in the pit of her chest.

At first she wanted to help, but Minako was afraid that more attacks would be sent in the direction of the pilots and that it would be best for Hotaru and Usagi to stay with them as back up once again. She agreed of course, but such turmoil intensifying inside was never a comforting sign especially since she doubted it was to do with the pilots.

"Hey!" Duo let out happily at the sight of Heero and Wufei walking in.

They each stood to greet them with smiles until noticing Wufei's concerned features.

"Heavy Arms wasn't in the hangar," he said. "Where's Trowa?"

Quatre's heart dropped heavily in his chest, the room engaging in a desperate search for Trowa. While in their flurry of questions he had slipped away, his motive and destination far from comprehension. Desperately they searched as he grew further in distance and in mind.

* * *

Black Star was not fast enough to evade the intercepting attack of the two senshi. Their super powered soldiers were no match for age and wisdom as Minako and Makoto wove through the defenses to find the central command center. Minako was alleviated by the fact that Makoto appeared much more focused after Wufei's small exchange of words. With a light heart she was glad and with determination, Makoto continued to fight.

"We'll have to split up," Minako voiced as they reached a crossroads. "I'll contact you if I find anything."

"Me too," Makoto muttered.

"Oh and Mako-chan," Minako said in mid-step. "Be careful."

Makoto smirked, sprinting away in her given direction. The picture given was safely tucked away in her pocket, her eyes skimming the halls for some sort of key. She slowed as she reached the end of the hall, a keypad placed on a wall in control of a door. With ease she short-circuited the box, the door sliding open as a result.

Bullets barreled towards her and she shot them down with her electricity, hastily hiding behind a wall to try and get a feel for how many were in there. She counted three. The place looked like some type of laboratory, her instincts telling her she may have stumbled upon something important.

She froze as she heard feet clinking to get away. This she could not have. She came from her hiding to meet with one who stayed behind to stall her. With a sharp dispersion of thunder, she rendered him temporarily paralyzed, death never being the first option in situations such as these. She went to find the pair that had tried to escape and quickly caught up. It was a soldier and a scientist.

The soldier turned to shoot her not realizing that she was so close and met with a harsh knee to his gut. He stumbled momentarily as Makoto grabbed his gun away from him and jabbed a sequence of pressure points to leave him unconscious. Decades of fighting had made simple human contact quite easy to handle. Her emerald eyes darted upward in time to notice that the scientist was in the process of entering an escape pod.

Instantaneously, she grabbed him, using her thunder and lightning to cling to his form and pin him against a wall.

"Please," he begged. "Let me go! I did nothing wrong!"

Makoto scoffed in disbelief, ascending the steps to get a clear view of his face. She would have knocked him unconscious if it hadn't been for his sudden reaction of recognition.

"You," he exasperated. "It can't be."

The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end, an uneasy feeling sweeping across her as she found his reaction disturbing. Her heart pounded with anxiety, her conscience immediately telling her to flee but a stronger sensation forcing her to stay and chance curiosity.

"You know me?" She asked awkwardly, her feet shifting as small tendrils of lightning tauntingly caressed the palms of her hands.

The scientist stayed pinned in disbelief, his clouded mind unable to sense the rising tension as he was overcome with incredulity, consistently battling his logic.

"You can't be the same woman," he wheezed, "You haven't aged a single year."

Makoto's teeth grit, anger suddenly springing forth as she found it difficult to contain herself. With speed she didn't even know she was capable of, she zoomed to him, her hand harshly wrapped around his neck as he now noticed his dangerous position.

"How do you know me?" She seethed through grit teeth.

The metal around the room started to tremble, her powers seeping out voluntarily, provoking a threatening indoor storm.

"I-I don't know you at all," he tried to lie, only for her grip to tighten.

"Ack," he struggled, her eyes glaring dangerously as threatening torrents rippled around his skin. Fearful, he sputtered his responses. "V-videos from the mobile suit in our first trial run for dimensional travel recorded you."

"First trial run?" She felt sick, the event flashing through her mind in crashing waves. Her grip loosened as she temporarily started to get dizzy.

The mobile suit that had stepped through and destroyed her home and the people around her was a trial run?

The scientist used the opportunity to escape, and stabbed her with a syringe and injected. Her attention was earned back ten folds, the fury rising as she ripped out the needle and slammed him harder, indenting the wall at impact.

He whimpered.

"Please," he begged. "Please don't kill me."

She growled in respite, a pulsing of energy emitting dangerously as her thoughts of restraint were now abandoned completely.

"Why not?" She questioned. "You killed all those people in my world without hesitation. Why should I spare you?"

She was far from stable and she knew it but the information that he had leaked was too closely rooted to her psyche for her to just let him go. The man started to cry, his tears doing nothing in Makoto's spiteful eyes.

"A-a survivor," he let out nervously, desperately throwing out whatever he could that might save him.

Makoto winced, her hands growing with power as it slowly started to sear his skin.

"What?" she let out in a dangerous whisper, moving her ear closer.

"There was a survivor who was brought back from your world," he gasped, breathing heavily.

"Don't lie to me," she growled, the heat on his skin rising as he felt the slow burn intensifying in pain.

"I swear," he whimpered. "A brunette with green eyes…had outstanding physical conditioning but couldn't remember a thing."

Makoto's heart was wild, the similarities too much as she struggled to decide whether she should believe him or not. Her mind suddenly was pulled back to the room, the sound of a gunshot echoing in her ears. Confused, she blinked, sighting a cylindrical hole buried within the scientists' skull. She released his body, turning sharply to see the one responsible.

There stood a woman oozing with an unnatural aura, the gun in hand returning to its holster, as she stood unfazed. And behind her, was a male figure baring a warming brown mane with striking emerald eyes.

The soldier of Jupiter was frozen with disbelief.

* * *

Thank you for reading. I had to revise this chapter, so if you happened to be reading it and it sounds really familiar it's because I took it down and am now reposting it. There are only a few differences, mainly more descriptions and a different ending for this chapter. I am also revising chapter 12 which was on here but I took down since I was slightly perturbed by it. Nevertheless, it will be posted soon. Thanks again for taking the time to read this and the reviews are much appreciated!

Pink Rabbit: Thank you for your review. I am truly flattered by your comments and am glad the suspense of Makoto's arrival was evident. As always, I hope this chapter keeps up with the quality of the other chapters.

nadeshiko-yuna: Thank you for your review. I'm glad you love the story so far and hopefully it continues to be lovable ^^

Nerf-or-Nothing: Thank you for your review. Sorry about reposting this ^^; though there aren't many differences in this revision, it has somehow become more bearable for me since the previous unrevised chapter just bothered me for reasons I cannot quite articulate at the moment. But that aside, thank you again for your reviews, they are always so kind ^^

Thank you again for reading! Suggestions and criticism welcomed,

4Shame


	12. Chapter 12

A single breath of air. A simple inhale. The expansion of my lungs and the dispersal of air in a deep exhale as my heart seems to ease it's beating to match the serene process of slow breathing. I never cease to be amazed by the intricate design of the human body as every movement and action extends from a complex circuitry of rotary organs and limbs. To ease your heart you use your lungs to slow the breathing and set a pattern for your chest to follow. Beat slow, beat calm; beat easy so that the mind can hear its own thoughts. Breathe.

Minako felt her heart drop as a growing anxiety washed over her with the exasperation of the power. In pitch-black halls she desperately prayed that her intuition was wrong but the evidence was hard to ignore as she skillfully continued despite the lack of light.

Every ounce of doubt and suspicion seemed to creep up on her as she did her best to ward them off, but with the unexpected power failure throughout the building, she knew it was naïve to ignore the fact that there could only be one explanation. And in that explanation was an unstable lightening bug.

She came to a halt by the entranceway of a laboratory, her steps careful and hesitant. With concerned blue eyes, she skimmed the area, still praying no matter how useless that her instincts were wrong. She wanted to call out to her friend, but an invisible suggestion advised that she keep quiet.

Soundlessly she made her way through, stopping in uncertainty at the sight of Makoto and an unfamiliar figure. Though she wanted to cut in on the unnatural scene, she could not will herself to do so, her curiosity reigning in as she tried to catch what exactly was going on.

Makoto's eyes kept straying to the man, her heart trembling with uncontrollable anxiety as he seemed more familiar with every passing second. Bright green eyes stared back at her, the brown mane relentlessly taunting her memory.

"It is not real," was a splicing comment, Makoto's heightened confusion displaying in her facial features. "I'm an illusionist," the unknown woman stated, "I show people what it is they desire."

Makoto gulped anxiously, taking a step back and forcing herself from looking any longer at the "illusion". The longing in her heart was difficult to ignore but as an aged figure with a superfluous amount of experience, she knew that desire for something that could not truly be yours was nothing but pain and devastation, which she would do well to avoid.

Her defenses were momentarily disposed of, as her mind reeled unrelenting in directions she wished it would not venture in. A particular comment from the now dead scientist kept echoing in her thoughts, the picture of the very subject standing behind the woman helping in no sense to keep her in her right mind. She knew better than to listen. She even knew that this woman had not exposed herself to a powerful enemy simply to show off her ability, there had to be a catch.

"He's a handsome man," the female purred, glancing back over her shoulder in approval.

A twitch pulsed through Makoto's body, a booming demand ringing to just knock the woman unconscious before she could say any more, but in a shocking response, she stifled the inward demand and waited out the situation as though something she had been waiting to hear would present itself in this very moment.

"Why are you here?" Makoto was surprised to hear herself speak, her fists clenched as she anticipated the answer.

An aloof look accompanied by a nonchalant shrug was an annoying reminder of the female's lack of care for the situation as opposed to Makoto's tensed and frigid self. The female circled the illusion and sighed, gazing blankly back towards the brunette.

"Of all the things a person could want," she started, ignoring Makoto's question, "you only have one. Usually most people have long lists of desires, but not you."

With long slender fingers, she gently brushed the cheek of the unmoving man and stared at him searchingly as though she would find some type of answer to her inquiry. She shook her head.

"He doesn't even have a clear face," she recognized. "You have one desire and you can't even remember his face."

Makoto winced, growing weary of this surprise reflection of her secret longing. She had kept it from everyone, knowing full well that if she shared this truth, they would force her to let it go believing that she would be better for it. But as a stubborn soldier she could never just let go, especially not of _him_.

"Stop it," she softly hummed, her head hanging lower as she felt the sting of tears piercing her eyes.

Not here, she would tell herself, not now. Her body trembled as the past flooded her whole being, the pain fresh and still bleeding despite the long stretch of years in between. It was no surprise to her to see that she truly had suppressed all her anguish but it was shocking to feel just how devastated she really was. For a while she believed she was fine, that she was slowly recovering and that the brief counsel from the Chinese man would help in finally closing her large wound but she was just lying to herself. All this time she wasn't getting better, if anything, she was in a worse state than when it had first happened.

A long cover of silence loomed, the mission and urgency of it nullified as Makoto, hung her head in near immobility. Minako again, stood back, feeling that despite the presence of the misplaced enemy, she had to let the brunette finally face the truth alone so she could embark on the real path to reconciliation. The blonde's own heart ached, tears threatening to escape as she knew better than anyone exactly what the brunette was clinging to. Even if she could not see the illusion of what Makoto desired most in this world, she was certain she had already known the answer as frequent visits to that distant flower/bakery shop and sighting a particular regular donning a matching apron with flour always on his cheeks stood proudly next to Jupiter's only heir.

He had made Makoto better, helped her finally find the one thing she was missing in order to balance her life completely…a family.

"You know," Minako's ears perked in panic, "it is a very rare occurrence when I actually do have the ability to offer someone what they desire."

Immediately Minako stepped from concealment, anger pervading her senses as a burning bright chain suddenly appeared in her grips. Makoto also was irked by the comment, though her reaction wasn't as anger-filled as her comrade's. Uncertainty returned, two sides constantly lecturing her inside, one favoring Minako's reaction and the other perusing around the woman's statement.

"Don't listen to her Mako-chan," Minako warned. "She's clearly up to no good."

Makoto nodded, gulping before sparks of lightening spurred back into life around her.

A scoff escaped the woman's lips.

"I would not risk my life in the hands of Gods on a lie."

Makoto felt sick, the validity of her statement and honesty fueling her quiet war within herself. Minako noticed quickly, and grew angrier. Attacking was her first instinct but the leadership inside her knew better as she recognized this was Makoto's time for closure. If she decided to kill the woman before Makoto came to a solid stance, the brunette would live in regret, forever riddled by possibilities. So Minako had to let Makoto decide so that she could start closing that door and face the reality that her family was gone forever.

The woman in between them was a sharp girl, as she caught onto Minako's restraint. With a smile, she continued on.

"I can take you to him."

"NO," Minako spat in response, earning a disturbing grin from the woman.

Makoto felt sick, the decision not something she wanted to make right away though she could feel Minako's silent urgings for her to do so. Years as a team had done much in connecting the senshi in a way that words were often unnecessary for communication.

"Makoto," Minako firmly voiced, "If you even consider the idea that he's still alive, then you may actually begin to believe that he is. You have to let him go!"

It was that curse phrase, "let him go". She shuddered at hearing it but she knew she needed it. What kept her in misery was her unfailing resolve to never let go. This mission had suddenly turned into a personal therapy session, her heart throbbing as realization hit her. She probably should have never been sent on this task, never even been allowed to set foot in this dimension. Her drive and yearning to come here were nothing but personal motives wanting to search for something she knew she would not find. Tears were unavoidable as she was gradually losing composure, her most honest self manifesting for the first time in a long time.

"I know," Makoto let out, lightening flashing as she found herself pinning the woman against a wall.

The woman remained calm.

Minako watched, not yet convinced as she continued to encourage Makoto that this was the "right" thing to do.

"You could look," the woman would not give up. "And see for yourself if it's really him. Would your power disappear if you just made sure we were lying? Could you live with the idea that we may have actually been telling the truth?"

She winced, the veering attention relentless as she found herself pondering the answers to her questions.

"Makoto," Minako was nearly right over her shoulder. "She'll say anything to get you to spare her."

"You could just kill us off after if you do find he's not _him_."

"Don't listen to her, Mako-chan. They'll trap you and manipulate you to get what they want."

"Hn, we don't have the power enough to trap you and you know it. So what have you to lose?"

"Don't underestimate them Mako-chan."

"Don't you have faith enough in yourself to know that you'd be able to tell a fake if you saw one? You are after all his _mother_."

Minako's eyes widened, she could feel the impact the simple word had on the wavering brunette whose hands instantly released the sharp-minded woman. Pleadingly, Minako told her not to listen, begging that she not consider the words this conniving woman had planted in her brain but Makoto was hesitant.

"Does this mean we will be going?"

Minako's teeth grit, her resolve now refocused on merely ending this unnecessary debate. Makoto was in no mind ready to make this decision so Minako would have to intervene. She revved up her powers in a menacing display, the woman wincing in her first display of panic. A beam sprung speedily from her forefingers, her aim dead on target.

Surprise struck her when a towering brunette knocked the woman out of the way, saving her from the light.

"Mako-chan," Minako gasped.

"I have to look," she stood firmly, no waver evident in her voice as the tears had dried and left stern green eyes.

"Can't you see their using you?" Minako sputtered, her heart throbbing uneasily. "Nothing good can come of this!"

"If he's not the one, then we—"

"No," Minako interrupted, her expression hurt but still solid. "If you go, then you go alone. I know they don't have what you're looking for Makoto and you're only lying to yourself if you believe they might actually have him. With you as a mother, he would never choose to stay with these people. If he was a soldier, he would be in line with the men we first hired in this dimension, not these phonies and you know it."

Makoto cast her eyes away for a brief moment before returning back to Minako.

"I'm sorry," she stated solemnly, Minako's heart dropping at the sound.

The woman stood expectantly at the door and exited, the building beginning to shake as if the very floors were about to collapse inward.

"I won't let you go with her," Minako asserted in her darkest tone.

"I know," was Makoto's simple response as she turned her back.

Minako gasped in shock as thick bark jutted from the ground and roughly tied her to the ground. She squirmed and in anger cried out the last exclamation she could at the parting brunette.

"You leave now then you turn your back on all the senshi! We'll have no choice but to treat you as an enemy!"

At the door, Makoto stopped, blank green eyes staring back.

"Then so be it."

Minako's heart shattered into a million pieces, her eyes blurring as she still struggled against the strong bark. Her powers became as erratic as her heart, a large light surging around her as it spliced through the jutting torrents of nature. She barely escaped the collapsing building with her life.

**4Shame**


	13. Chapter 13

"_Don't worry. You're safe now."_

"_Who are you?"_ The green-eyed soldier questioned hazily.

His head was pounding, pain twitching ruthlessly across his scull as though it were cracked and tracing the jagged edges of the break. He struggled to stay conscious only catching sight of familiar deep blue eyes of a man that had made his mind reel in frustration. As he drifted he could hear a name but the name would not become clear as if knowing that by staying hidden it would taunt him until he could no longer stand it.

"_Everything will be alright."_

When I sleep, there is only one dream, simple and always the same. I'm alone, standing amidst a sea of crumbling buildings, ash and soot drifting like snow around me. I know I shouldn't be standing there. I even know that I should be having trouble breathing with the poisoned air around me but I'm not. Instead, my lungs give me no trouble as my feet stay planted, flames licking the corners of my vision that is trained on _It_. I keep asking what It is but no answer comes to me which I find to be surprising since I'm inexplicably unaccustomed to not knowing.

Time stands still as I seem transfixed upon the misplaced machine. Quiet, never faulting. Patient, never hurried. I had learnt that from someone I cannot recall and to this day I still adhere to those lessons. I had never seen anything like it before in my life. Never even heard about something remotely similar to this. There I stood for what seemed like forever trying to find answers in the eerie silence. The heat rises and I spot a shift in the machine's stance. Though I know I should be keeping my eyes on it, I suddenly glance upward to question the lightening that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. The hairs on the back of my neck raise and I can feel the presence of someone powerful, someone ablaze. I suppose I should have run then too but for some unknown reason, I don't.

An overwhelming surge of comfort engulfs me and I can't understand why I would feel such a strange emotion. Overtaken by curiosity, I turn to look at the person who could elicit such a response. My heart races energetically as if it knows that the sight will somehow free me from all my troubles. The footsteps echo louder, a voice hardly audible tries hard to fight against the deafening noise around us but I still cannot make out the words. My eyes are nearly there, eager to behold the view and then I feel it.

My body is suddenly jerked into a hole, my head snapping in respite at the interruption. Panic fills me as the hole pulls me deeper, my hands grasping to try and pull myself out but the attempt is futile. The black void steadily creeps upward and I silently plead for the person to come faster so I can at least catch a glimpse of them one last time.

In the last moment I look up and as the void tugs me further into the pit all I can see are the lifeless eyes of what I would later learn was a Leo.

My eyes shoot open every time. I assume they do for either two reasons. One, because that dream provokes more emotion than I could ever remember feeling and makes me uncomfortable or two, because I can't even remember falling asleep. Either reason is unsettling as sleep becomes a nightmare and that dream becomes hell. I wish there were a way for me to purge that repeated vision from my mind but I know better than anyone that it's not possible.

I know the man has seen this dream. He is privy to anything and everything. It seems nothing is outside of his reach as far as knowledge goes. However, he will not translate the dream for me since he believes it would lose value by simply being explained by someone else. He insists that I remember things on my own or else I might not believe it fully. He wants me to find myself. He says that the only way to save me is by doing it myself. I'm no fool, I can understand his reasoning and I know better than to question him in his omniscient position. However, my mind is more stubborn than I have strength to combat.

I tell myself it doesn't matter and sometimes I even manage to convince myself its true. After all, it would be better that way. If I didn't care, I could avoid those unstable emotions that do me more harm than good. I honestly cannot understand why others willingly put themselves in such compromising stations. Wearing your emotions on your sleeves, what's the point? I know Heero has a theory that the only way to live a happy life is to live by your emotions…I would agree if I weren't so…skeptical. My emotions as of late have been detrimental. I don't want to be here anymore, I don't even want to _be._

Trowa Barton's existence is no longer necessary. The dead man has no more followers looking for hope in him, no more murderers trying to cover their tracks nor does he even have a mission. His life has been completed. I have done that for him, so why continue with his name? Quatre once told me that a name is given to you by friends and since he met me as Trowa, he could not picture me by any other title. For a time it sufficed until I was left alone, truly alone.

They say the eyes are windows to the soul and that mirrors can show you the truth. Staring into both at the same time somehow managed to unlock a door I never even knew existed.

I mold myself to fill other people's shoes. Trowa Barton, Triton Bloom; I've known all along that I am neither and yet I continue to try and be them. I want to be them because they fit. They have a purpose. They have lives. Funny thing is, I can never persist in peace. I am always uneasy, always anxious though on the outside I appear immune. The only time I can actually find some type of reconciliation is when I'm dressed as a clown. Strange…I know but I can't understand it. Some would say I feel most at ease as a clown because it is the only time I am truly honest with myself. I dress the part and everyone knows. I play as the clown but people understand that the clown is not me. But when I shed the costume, I only do so to wear a different one; one that people believe to be the real me.

There was a time when I had no real resistance to this fact…but since that door had opened, the one I didn't even know was inside me; I'm driven to believe I can no longer continue in this fake existence of life.

"What're you doing?"

The man was filled with panic, his voice reprimanding and expression stern. Trowa scoffed inwardly at the distinct semblance he had to a concerned father.

"Looking for myself," he simply stated.

"And how is this supposed to help?"

Trowa's deadpanned eyes hovered to the raging sea as it crashed into the hillside. From the ledge he could feel the prickling wind wisp hungrily through his frame as a mere step separated him from sinking into those pointed rocks and that growling ocean.

"The only time I ever come close to remembering you, to remembering myself; is when I'm in danger and you save me."

"I can't save you this time," the man retaliated. "You know this!"

The man stood anxiously beside him, silence enveloping the both of them as Trowa's eyes stayed glued to the fall. All this pain, all this confusion, he was ill-equipped to handle any of it. A lifetime of not knowing who he was, was now taking its toll on a soul that never believed it could be this distilling.

"Then maybe I'm just too tired…"

The movement was so simple and without trouble yet it seemed almost ethereal. The moment he took the step, all sound was depleted. The rasping wind disintegrated, the crashing of the sea softened to an indistinctive hum and his heart no longer felt the pain and frustration of being lost.

His eyes closed as gravity lovingly grasped him and lured him down. Behind him were the breaking blue eyes of the unknown informant who called desperately to him. But like in his dreams, the name was never heard.

* * *

Thank you for reading! As always, comments and suggestions always welcomed.

**4Shame**


	14. Chapter 14

On the morning of the fifth day in September, I awoke with a start. My breathing was rugged and unnatural so much so that my husband had awoken too with concern. I assured him I was fine even though a menacing sense clued me to believe that something was or would be a rye soon. After convincing him to go back to sleep, I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and took a moment to breathe as I rubbed my head of its throbbing ache. Not quite relieved of my anxiety, I walked to the bathroom and stared for hours trying to decipher the inexplicable sensation of danger.

For years my third eye had been at rest, never rearing its supernatural power while in the presence of my life away from the duties that had relied heavily on this trait. So, for it to appear so suddenly, I was immediately alert. My hand wanted to reach out to a certain device countless times, but my stubbornness often hindered me, as my mind kept recalling the fact that one call to them would mean the return to a kingdom that I was not yet ready to inhabit. So, in a selfishly motivated decision, I stifled any instinct to contact Crystal Tokyo as well as the appearance of my dormant third eye.

But, in response to my stubbornness, another force decided to be just as unmoving. The flames in our kitchen stove were erratic, blazing wildly in recompense for my refusal to comply. Even the heat seemed to swelter as though deeply disappointed by my actions and willing to inflict punishment on those around me. Unfortunately, much more had to happen in order to get me to finally give in.

I took my only son to the beach that day, feeling that if I ignored my element long enough, it would just leave me be. Time passed as fun continued and I almost felt the disturbance within me disappear completely until a sharp tug ripped at the very pit of my heart. A sleek surfboard crafted with a sharp design of rippling red-orange flames floated mutely onto shore, the body that should have been attached by the ankle not accompanying it in its return. My throat immediately dried; panic shredding my insides as frantic movements cloud my memory to this day. I was devastated and yelling, watching on the wayside helpless as lifeguards scoured the sea for my son.

My anger was flaring, frustration and anxiety swelling, especially when I saw them pull his limp body from the water. My mind veered to the worse, my heart breaking into millions of unperceivable pieces. Everything I was, everything that I had were nothing in comparison to him, and I found myself pleading that he would survive. I even swore to return to Crystal Tokyo if it would mean his life being spared.

At that single promise, precisely after it was made, the water expulsed itself from his lungs, his body heaving itself up in response. I clung to him tighter than I had ever done before, my heart weak at the near loss of my child. We returned home afterwards and my communicator was the first thing I retrieved.

In my first call, I was received by the solemn face of Queen Serenity. I was confused but not for long as a long subdued ability had filled in the blanks. I sank to the ground stunned, my heart quivering in tormenting regret. I then understood exactly why the events at the beach had taken place. It was not to punish me, but to warn me of the consequences of my actions. My son was not lost in the denial of my innate sense to foretell danger with the potential to stop it, no, it was Makoto's son.

Shame cannot begin to describe what I feel when faced with that day, when faced with Makoto. She does not know it but in the deep confines of her mind I'm certain she has contemplated it. I returned to Crystal Tokyo the same day Ami had but without the same call. Serenity wisely decided that it would be best to withhold the decision behind my return as a call from me to Serenity is far different from a call from her to me.

On that day I had only caught a small glimpse of Makoto's pain and it had nearly left me broken and empty. So I can only imagine the full amount of pain that my friend now bares daily.

"Mars," Serenity replied in surprise. "Has your grandfather recovered already?"

The raven-haired beauty so flawless and regal shook her head in disconfirmation.

"He's still very ill," she replied. "But I'm afraid something more…pressing has occurred."

Serenity's head lowered slightly, a frown present though she tried hard not to appear so downtrodden. She had just received startling news from Venus and the arrival of Mars in stern expression was not a comforting sign.

"I know," she sighed, casting her eyes to the floor.

More details were unnecessary as Mars found a consolatory hand reaching to be placed on her Queen's shoulder. Ridden with optimistic hope, Rei quietly attempted to sooth Serenity's nerves.

"I will go," she stated, "And do my best to bring everyone back safely."

A large burden was encompassed in her statement, the difficulty deriding mostly from the question of whether she'd be able to bring back Makoto after a door to her secluded pain had raucously been thrust open. But her stubbornness reigned in immediately, her mind set on bringing her back.

* * *

Usagi was aghast while Hotaru solemnly took the information without surprise. Venus was much less put-together than usual, but it could only be expected. Her regretful blue eyes glimmered with guilt, as though she had let them all down by allowing Makoto to give in to her silent desires.

The pilots who had been in a frantic search for their missing friend were also alerted, their burdens intensified by the idea of the enemy having one of the senshi in their flanks. Nonetheless, the pilots' primary concern was with their own, so they departed from the senshi allowing them to remain in their quarters until their mission was complete. Grimly, the groups tried to stay optimistic though each of them knew better than most, that the two subjects of their thoughts were hardly ones to venture "mildly". Meaning, they never did anything without giving it their all.

Minako felt the warm surge of Mars' presence, her mind easing slightly that it was not Serenity. It meant the senshi still had faith in Jupiter to do the right thing. She stood expectantly, watching as Rei entered the room ready to take action.

"We have a vague idea of where we can find her," Minako stated in fatigue, "Hotaru was able to trace Jupiter through her communicator, but we think she might have ditched it before reaching her destination."

Rei nodded.

"That won't be a problem," she said, "I should be able to figure out her coordinates when we get close to her last location."

"I figured," Minako sighed, running a slow hand through her tousled mane. "The four of us should get moving quickly before any more time elapses."

Her three comrades nodded in agreement, momentarily silencing their questions about whether or not Minako should take time to rest. With haste they rushed out, clinging desperately to hope that Makoto was still within reasoning.

* * *

The hospital sirens seemed to catch the eyes of each pilot, their curiosity hungry as they tried to find him. However, intercepted radio transmissions were of various descriptions that were far from Trowa, and so their search gruelingly continued on.

Heavy Arms was far off their radar, while clues to where they should look were dismal. Anxiety nestled in the hearts of their chests as they felt the cold truth rushing through their veins. Though they had each tried to persuade themselves that Trowa was okay, they kept feeling an urging that told them otherwise.

Their first hint didn't come until nightfall. A strange glint in the sky blinked ominously, Quatre being the first to notice. He couldn't explain it exactly, but he felt the need to follow it as though it would lead him to where he needed to be. Without hesitation, he made a sharp u-turn, pressing heavily on the gas as he kept his gaze steady on the star.

The others were quick to follow, wordlessly turning around after Quatre's example. That's when they also noticed the light, wondering suspiciously where it could be coming from. Their vehicles pulled to an abandoned old beach front where a crumbling military base now resided.

The nearest city was an hour out, this area clearly desolate as lights were sparse and decayed. They watched curiously as the guiding star seemed to sink behind a jagged cliff, their stalled legs hesitant to follow after it. Wufei had arrived on his bike and bravely rode past them to look. His bike hummed to a low pur, his helmeted head staring monotonously to the side. He dismounted his bike to peer directly below the edge.

The other three knew what he saw. Regaining the valor in their veins, Heero and Quatre hastily rushed down to the beach, spotting Heavy Arms well hidden in a rusted hangar on the way. Quatre's eyes stung with fervor, his body shaky as he saw the brunette's body floating weightlessly in the water. Heero's reaction was much less drastic, but clearly pained as his speed increased and he carelessly threw himself into the water to get his friend as soon as possible.

He pulled the taller man from the water, a car screeching down from the road to pull up in reverse. Duo winced at seeing him, rashly looking away as his hands gripped tightly around the wheel for his knuckles to turn stark white. As soon as he heard both doors shut, he propelled out of the sand, screeching back onto the road and zooming through the streets. Wufei was close behind him, the light of his bike aiding in seeing their direction.

And in that moment they prayed that Trowa would survive, an unseen passenger also hoping the same as his mahogany tresses wisped with the wind.

* * *

Silver Ame Tsukino: Thank you kindly for your review. It is always nice to have feedback =)

Alas, this story is coming close to the end and I'm pretty excited about that. The next update will be pretty soon if it doesn't happen today. So, with that said, thank you for reading and of course all comments and suggestions are always welcomed!

**4Shame**


	15. Chapter 15

My nights are always filled with one moment. No matter how hard I try to forget, it never leaves me and I'm uncertain whether it is for my benefit or for my own personal torture.

"_Quiet son, stay down_," I say and I watch the door cautiously from behind the makeshift barricade, ready to run if someone unfavorable comes through.

The ground shakes violently beneath us, blinds rattling and glass breaking at the sheer magnitude of gravity. I try to stay calm but my heart keeps thumping roughly in my chest, threatening to burst. This was not the first time I had ever faced a situation of this severity, but somehow I'm drenched with fear. A small hand reaches into mine and I freeze as my eyes begin to water.

Without looking, I pull him into a tight hug to reassure him that everything will be fine and in that moment I swear once more that I would never let anything happen to him.

"Mother."

Makoto shivered, the mere mention of the title spawning tears in her eyes. She hesitated a moment before turning to look at the young man who stood proudly in uniform, jade eyes brilliantly staring back at her.

She was seized for words, her mouth opening but no sound escaping. Her heart was irreverent as she looked to him, pounding ceaselessly and without hesitation. She gulped nervously, her mind confused and body still.

He took a step forward, a mild expression of hope glimmering momentarily through his eyes. She took another deep breath, her hands shaking slightly despite herself.

"You remember me," was the first thing she could manage to say, eyes trembling with emotion. She hastily wiped her eyes, not wanting to bawl in front of a crowd of strangers. Caught in surprise, she flinched, feeling a foreign hand in her own. Immediately, the scene she had always been tortured by; returned; her hand subconsciously gripping possessively over his.

"I could never forget you."

And that was all that needed to be said to break down the large barrier she had built since that day. The feeling of loss and pain hastily subsided, an unforeseen future waiting with limitless possibilities. She knew the others would not like it, she had even known they would not welcome it; but at the moment, she didn't care. Her grim yearning was suddenly satisfied, and she wasn't interested in returning to her prior state of misery.

* * *

A sliver of green peered through heavy lids, white walls coming into view as a steady beep touched lightly on his ears. His body felt heavy, pain vibrating through his joints as his breath wheezed through his lungs. His eye lids felt like they were swollen shut, making it difficult for him to open up wider. But it wasn't necessary. Even without his vision, he could see where he was as the crisp sheet and well-used blanket covered him carefully. He was surprised not to feel leather straps bound to his wrists and ankles but given that his body was in bad shape, he figured the ones that found him suspected he wouldn't be able to move anyways.

Tense, he sensed the man's presence, his mind still numb despite his attempt to free himself from all this torment of not knowing. He remained silent, old habits settling in once again, as he chose to relax as much as he could. It was inevitable, he supposed, that he should survive such a steep fall that should have killed him. Perhaps life was his punishment for all the blood he had shed in previous fights. Maybe he deserved to suffer.

He sighed; no longer interested in his onslaught of thoughts about why he survived. His hands mindlessly searched for a small object, blindly reaching to the dresser next to the bed to feel the cold pieces. He clung to them possessively, easing slightly by the mere touch. He had always had these and spent much of his time staring at them in wonder. It always amazed him how calm they made him feel, a warm sensation coursing through his veins as he would safely tuck them away, never to be lost. Even now, as his hands gripped to the delicate pieces, he felt comfort warm through him, trickling softly into his thoughts.

He heard a sigh, his ears perking as he was reminded of the other presence within the room.

"Those have always been so beautiful," he heard him say, and his hands slightly loosened as his eyes seemed to be less resistant to his urge to open.

He squinted slightly, spotting the man at the edge of his bed with a forlorn expression. He tilted his head slightly to peer into his hand and couldn't help but nod in agreement as he took in the beauty of the object.

Interrupting a potential conversation, the door to the room opened, an unusually quiet American walking in silently and shutting the door behind him. Trowa blinked, the unnamed man staring at Duo, just watching him as he gave a mild glance.

"You're awake," Duo smiled with hands in his pockets. Trowa merely nodded, his hands moving to rest on his stomach.

He could feel Duo's apprehension as he awkwardly shifted on his feet. This situation perturbed him, and Trowa knew it as the American never let himself appear so rugged and concerned unless deeply bothered. His joking nature subsided, deep cobalt blue eyes replacing that glint of mischief that he usually kept.

"You scared us pretty good back there."

Trowa sighed, closing his eyes and just listening. Duo ran a hand through his loose hair and frowned, not really sure why he was popping in at the moment. He had hard wired his phone to give him a live feed of Trowa's vitals and the moment he noticed them spike, he found his feet moving him to the room. The others were out there, sure, but neither of them really knew what they would do once Trowa woke up. One thing was certain, someone had to address this problem and Duo supposed he was the one that was silently nominated which was a bit of a shock since Quatre was always good at these types of things. But, Quatre had attempted many talks with Trowa to try and gauge where he was mentally and supposedly they thought it would be good for someone different to speak with him. Hence, here Duo stood, unequipped and ill-prepared.

His instinct was to joke about the matter, but honestly, he was still too out of his element to resort to that. After a long moment of internal debate, he found himself sitting at the side of Trowa's bed, hands still in his pocket as he stared blankly at the door.

"I tried to live like a 'normal' guy after the war," he sighed, "I bought an old repair shop, got steady traffic and made good money. For a while I liked it. There were little demands, friendly people and most of all, I had a place to call my own," Duo smiled, still staring off at the door as he continued to reminisce.

"Occasionally, I would go out and socialize at local bars, meet some girls, you know the usual. But I got tired of the impersonal contacts and yearned for something more tangible, something more stable. So, with a shrug I started looking for the girl that could get me to settle down," he laughed, Trowa scoffing in response.

"I actually enjoyed going out on real dates and planning romantic evenings. I got pretty creative too and got to understand why people went out of their way to do those types of things for girls. I mean, I know I've never really had trouble talking to girls but I was like a kid with answers but no understanding of why the answers were right."

"Anyways," he continued, "I found one girl that I just couldn't forget. She was bright-eyed and innocent, something I have never been, but I wanted her. So I'd romance her, take her on beautiful trips; send her flowers, the works. When I was convinced I'd marry her, I searched high and low for a ring and bought it with no attention to the price. She said yes and I was excited. I thought that from there, things would just sail smoothly without a rift and we'd grow old with kids and grandkids. I looked forward to that type of simplicity…" he drifted, suddenly turning solemn as his eyes hardened. "But I was wrong."

"She was perfect. Never did anything wrong and could never say a thing that would upset me, but she was too curious," he sighed, looking down at the floor, "I had told her when we met that I was an orphan with no way of finding my biological parents. For a while, she accepted that but eventually it wasn't enough for her. And then suddenly, it wasn't enough for me either," he flinched, taking a side glance at Trowa, who quietly watched him. Silence filled the room for a long while, as Duo hesitantly pushed himself to continue the recollection.

"I began to wonder about my origins and why I was left alone to see the types of things I saw. This girl who had grown up in the midst of war was so untouched by tragedy but somehow I was caught in its core. It didn't seem fair. So, I initiated a search using my blood and mapping out possible places my parents could have lived when they had me. It wasn't easy, but eventually I found my answer."

"Naïve, I walked up to their doorstep, thinking that somehow I'd find recompense for all those years of torment that I had faced. I even thought that they'd be happy to see me and embrace me in tears with outpourings of how they had tried hard to find me but I was just fooling myself," his teeth grit with ire, his eyes going dark. "My father was a soldier. It was his family that I found first. From the outside he seemed like a respectable man, giving his life to serve his country but as I dug deeper, his true colors weren't as magnificent." A distasteful scoff exhausted from his throat, his fists clenched at the thought. "My mother was a nurse that worked in a hospital just a few blocks from my father's childhood home. In her journal entries she wrote of how he was aggressive and actively sought to date her but she denied him, claiming she was waiting on someone who promised to come back for her. My father wasn't too keen on rejection."

Duo scoffed.

"Can you guess then how I was conceived?" he asked bitterly.

Trowa cringed, noticing the unseen man in the corner hang his head in sympathy. Duo kept on.

"She fell into depression after finding out she was pregnant and on numerous occasions tried for an abortion. Her parents sent her away to hide her condition because they were afraid it might tarnish their reputation. And my father, he could care less. When she finally found a doctor that could help her with her _problem,_ abortion was outlawed," he laughed, "so she went to the black market and agreed to have it done in some damp alley way in the middle of nowhere. Apparently, it didn't work well." A sadistic laugh was heard before the brunette rubbed the back of his neck in discomfort. His eyes quivered in unease, a stern expression pushing over his features.

"When she had me," he spoke quietly, "she sold me to the highest bidder without as much of a name to go by. I was just a kid that nobody wanted and I was bitter once I knew."

He went quiet, pensively stuck in deep reflection.

"I cut myself off from everything I had. I sold my business, left the girl, and wandered off in my own direction. In reality, I was better off not knowing," he muttered heavy-heartedly.

He didn't speak for a long time after that, silently sifting through his thoughts as the sting of his past echoed through his chest. He imagined he shared that story because he had faced the same types of questions Trowa was undoubtedly riddled by. And until now, he didn't quite realize just how similar he, Trowa and even the others were. A deep sigh escaped his lips, the burdens he hid so well dissipating as his usual grin was beginning to return. It wasn't like him to wallow in pain, and he certainly didn't want to do that now at the side of his suicidal friend's bed.

"My name is Duo Maxwell," he started with a lopsided grin, standing up from the bed with hands in pockets.

Trowa raised an eyebrow, not quite sure where the sudden change in air was coming from. Fortunately, Duo continued on in explanation.

"I chose the name myself," he said with a light in his eyes, "in honor of those people in my life that had showed me the meaning of camaraderie. Somehow along the way I let myself forget who I was when I had known all along since I was a kid. The worth of my life was never meant to be decided by the people that didn't want me," he stated, "It was decided by the people that had kept me."

A peaceful smile spread through his features, a heavy weight lifting from his shoulders.

"Solo, Father Maxwell, Sister Helen…sulking about my parents' maltreatment of me only disgraced them, and that's the last thing I ever want to do," he confessed.

It was a surprise to see the American genuinely at ease. The pilots had always known he masked his pain with laughs but Trowa never realized that the chestnut-haired pilot actually had a pretty level head on his shoulders. He watched as Duo still looked as if he had more to say, and quietly waited.

"I know our situations aren't exactly the same," Duo spoke, "For all I know you could very well have parents that were devastated at losing you; but you are our friend and you do belong here with us. It was no accident that we all came together, and that's something I truly believe in," he stated sincerely with a humble smile.

"But," he started with amusement, detracting from his deeply touching pre-mentioned words, "if it's a name you want, then we'll call you by whatever you prefer. Hell, the guys and I; well mostly me; came up with a few if you're interested."

Trowa couldn't help but smirk, nodding his head for Duo to read a few from the list he pulled from his pocket.

He laughed, "Alright, alright, now keep an open mind! How about Ozob."

"Ozob?" Trowa queried skeptically.

"Yeah," Duo nodded, "Ozob. I was thinking since you were a clown for a while I'd pick a name of a famous clown and could only think of two. But Bozo isn't that great sounding and neither is It so I thought doing a cool thing and spelling it backwards would kind of symbolize the cool version of clown as opposed to the wacky one…"

"Ozob," Trowa again repeated, shaking his head slightly.

"Yeah, whaddya think?" He asked with hopeful eyes.

"It wouldn't be my first choice," Trowa responded with a brief laugh.

"Eh, well I'll work on some more then," Duo replied, shoving the paper back into his pockets. He was glad to hear Trowa speak more and felt that for once, the brunette may have finally realized that he was not in fact alone in this world, as the waiting room held three more people that were willing to risk their lives for him in a heartbeat. He felt it was getting to the time where he should leave and let Trowa ponder all that was said on his own, but as he turned to step out with parting words, he caught glimpse of a sparkle coming from Trowa's partly closed hand.

"What's that?" He asked curiously, watching as Trowa's hand unconsciously tightened over the object.

Averting his eyes, Trowa peered back into the palm of his hand which had opened to reveal two well-kept roses which glimmered in the light. His heart skipped a few beats as yearning tugged at his chest.

"Earrings," Duo commented with a scoff, "Ah don't tell me Trowa! This breakdown doesn't have anything to do with a girl breaking your heart, does it?" He joked lightly.

"No," he stated meekly but somehow he couldn't be certain.

"Ah, that's good news then, I guess," he said with his boyish grin. He patted his friend on the shoulder before finally making an exit, choosing not to delve more on the topic since it appeared personal. This was as good a moment as any to leave, and with a nod, Duo departed. When the door was shut, Trowa was left to stare once more at the pair of earrings he had nearly forgotten about.

The space at the side of the bed was filled with the man who idly stood by during Duo's visit, waiting patiently as he also stared at the jewelry in Trowa's palm.

"Your friend is right," Trowa heard. Slightly confused, he looked up to witness the concern burdened stare he received, a slight frown tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"About what," Trowa wryly replied.

"Not being alone," he stated plainly. His hands were shoved into the pockets of his well-pressed slacks, a dark blazer encasing his broad shoulders as waves of cherry wood hair lay limply against his back. Ominous blue eyes stared back at the bed-ridden Trowa, as he carefully waited to say more.

Trowa sighed, turning his head away as he closed his eyes. It wasn't the idea of being alone that haunted him; it was the idea that perhaps he wasn't supposed to be this way. His heart throbbed heavily, his eyes opening as he brought the pink rose earrings into his line of sight. They glistened with promise, earning years of idle optimism for an event that he wasn't even sure would transpire. Why? Why were these so important?

Words were not spent, as both inhabitants in the room kept to their own thoughts. Trowa could see where this was going, as he sensed the tense debate waging within this man's mind. And in retrospect, that same debate had managed to find its way into his own thoughts, reluctance prevalent as well as the need for reform.

"You want me to let go."

Just by saying it out loud he felt regret pouring through him, the earrings in hand suddenly pricking his fingers as he held them.

"I want you to move on," he heard the man's deep baritone cut through the air, "to live…"

His words seemed to drift endlessly through the room, fatigue setting in with regards to the topic. Trowa couldn't look to him, feeling that if he had, his mind might give him more trouble in considering what was said.

"Move on…" Trowa muttered mindlessly. He stared for a long while at the roses, feeling his heart tear as he contemplated the idea. He could either persist in pain or release this self-inhibited torture of amnesia and adopt the same type of mentality that Duo employed. But…he sighed, what if he could find the answers he had always yearned for? What if –

He stopped. He was neglecting the truth. In his plight to unravel the mysteries of his own life, he had forsaken those that had been there when he most needed them. Quatre, Heero, Duo, Wufei, Catherine, it shocked him to realize just how many names he could mention while pondering the length of the list of people that he had at once gained an appreciation for. His heart suddenly lightened. Like Duo, he found a flaw in his state of mind, thoughts coursing for how he could have forgotten something that was always dangling right in front of his eyes. His life and the relation he had to the pilots weren't perfect, not even close, but it was sufficient to fill the void.

As he pushed to a decision, his hands loosened over the pair of roses, the regret that tried to penetrate his logic being hastily shoved away. His decision was apparent, the well-dressed male standing almost morosely though he pushed it away with a look of support.

"If you should ever need me," he started as he slowly began to dim, "I'll be with the stars."

As they parted they shared the same thought that perhaps this would be for the best.

* * *

Minako was impressed by Hotaru and Usagi's quick adaptation to their environment, their movement fluid as they intercepted the enemy. She would have stopped to applaud them had they not been on such a crucial mission. Rei was able to pick up on Makoto's aura the moment they set foot on her last location, finding her communicator lying limply upon the desolate ground.

Alarms and lights were flashing when the four arrived, Minako hastily grabbing Rei and ordering her to find Makoto while they handled the rest. Rei nodded quickly, already knowing that she would be tasked that particular assignment.

Fiery and keen, she slipped through the guards and raced to find the brunette. Her breath held momentarily as she sensed Jupiter's stationary aura, stopping cautiously within a metal hall to see Makoto patiently waiting with a male carbon copy directly behind her.

"Makoto," Rei muttered, her amethyst eyes flitting between her friend and the boy.

"Rei," Makoto replied, "I'm surprised to see you here, especially given that your grandfather is in such critical health."

"I was needed," Rei responded carefully, "to bring back a friend who is clearly not in her right state of mind."

"I'm not going back," Makoto stated coldly, a small fritz of lightning flashing around her fingers.

Rei scoffed, steam literally rippling from her heated shoulders. She knew the others had tiptoed lightly around Makoto's unstable mindset but honestly, the raven-haired female was tired of beating around the bush. She knew Makoto was in pain, but there was a point where wallowing in self-pity was no longer acceptable and she felt Makoto was well beyond that point.

"Why not?" Rei queried, her hands antsy as she sensed Makoto's powers pulsing stronger in preparation, "There's nothing for you here. I don't know why you would try to fool yourself Mako-chan."

She noticed a flinch wince through her friend, the sting of her words apparent as annoyance and bitterness clouded those green eyes. Rei frowned, feeling that perhaps Makoto was in deed too far gone for reasoning. Feeling the severity finally rise in the situation, she implored more tact, not wanting to provoke Makoto into a true battle.

"Mako-chan," she stated genuinely, "I only say this because I'm your friend. I just want what's best."

The statement did not seem to help.

"What's best?" Makoto bitterly repeated, scoffing in response, "Best for who?"

Rei stiffened, eyes turning cold with anticipation. She could see the knowledge in Makoto's glare, her part in the past quickly returning to the present. She had hoped the brunette did not know**(1)**.

"It was a mistake that has tortured me ever since," Rei let out hesitantly, unsure of whether or not it was wise for her to dispel support of Makoto's speculation. Nevertheless, she persisted. "I can never hope to find comfort in knowing I could've helped," her eyes began to water, her stubborn nature quickly inferring itself as she tried to hold back the tears. Scratchy and stripped, she hoarsely spoke, "And I could never ask for your forgiveness knowing the price you paid for my selfish decision."

The tears could not be withheld though Rei quickly regretted it upon seeing Makoto's unmoving nature. She sighed, rubbing away what she never liked to shed.

"I guess this is my penance," Rei started, letting the flames in her soul bridle. "I won't hold back and I expect you won't either."

Makoto merely nodded, the lights within the hall beginning to flicker. She motioned for the boy behind her to take cover, her body aching against reservation for battle. It wasn't a second later when they both clashed, Rei well-practiced in hiding her thoughts behind a façade of indifference, as Makoto felt the anger begin to rise to the surface. Fire and thunder ripped through their surroundings, the foundations of the building beginning to falter around them.

Rei cursed as she noticed Makoto would never allow her to separate herself far enough from her, forcing her to rely heavily on her close-range combat skills. She knew from experience that this was Makoto's strong-suit, her nerves wracking with anxiety as she did her best to try and outsmart her. She attempted a quick paralysis spell that would stun Makoto long enough for her to distance herself but she was recklessly cut short by Makoto's hasty expulsion of lightning aimed towards her heart. A wall of fire barely dissolved the thunder, her breath catching hazardously in respite.

The war waged for what felt like hours, their powers pounding explosively in a rare display of use. Rei felt her body freeze, Makoto's crushing force slamming her into a wall. The raven-haired senshi grimaced, body shaking from fatigue and fire. With a reserved strength she let the fire consume her, blowing Makoto off as she slid uneasily to her feet. Without hesitation, the fire-wielder returned to stable fighting stance lunging forward to catch Makoto in a standstill position where each struggled to overpower the other.

"Makoto," Rei wheezed in pain, barely able to keep up in this close-range battle. She knew she was losing and felt she may not be able to keep up much longer. Anger and regret were difficult opponents especially when added to an already skilled soldier.

"Come back, even if it means killing me and taking him, just come home," she pleaded, the original intent of her arrival prevalent despite this detour, "We all want you back…please."

Makoto's eyes wavered, her fatigue showing clearly in her burdened stare, Rei sensing for the first time that this was her friend's truest emotion. A tear nearly escaped her green eyes but was caught in the last moment.

"I'm just too tired," Makoto whispered softly, her fist immediately gathering a ball of electricity. She took a swift side-step, Rei temporarily losing her footing as her eyes widened. Makoto punched her hard in the gut, Rei's pupils dilating hazardously as she felt her body stunned by the electrical charge of her fist.

Her body crumpled to the floor once Makoto released her, the brunette's solemn gaze falling upon her.

"Decades of sparring," she muttered, "And you still have the same weak point in your stance."

She did not stay long to marvel at her victory, the building shaking as it threatened to collapse. Her son rushed out quickly, commending her for a battle well fought. She frowned, guiltily glancing back at Mars who lay unconscious.

"Is it wise to leave the job undone?"

She froze in mid-step, looking perturbed before gazing back at her son. Discomfort coursed through her as she raised a hand to run her fingers along the side of his face.

"Don't be afraid," she stated, "She won't hurt you."

"But she's still—"

"If I kill her now," she interrupted shortly, feeling a churn in her stomach, "Then the wrath of the rest of them will multiply ten-folds and we wouldn't stand a chance."

The young man nodded in understanding, taking a lingering look back before following after his mother. The amount of power he witnessed was unbelievable and he decided it'd be best to follow his mother's tactic since she knew better than anyone just what the rest of these senshi were capable of.

* * *

**Reference Note:**

**(1)**This is in reference to Rei's first-person narrative where she reflects on the day of Makoto's disaster. Here she realizes that Makoto somehow found out that she had sensed danger before it befell her and thus guilty (or proudly in the sense of pride) Rei cannot force Makoto to forgive her and she openly invites Makoto to fight her as punishment since she could never in good conscience just ask for forgiveness knowing the price that Makoto has paid. Despite the fact that Makoto has reunited with her "son", she still remains bitter for reasons not quite stated.

Alas, thank you for reading! As always, comments and suggestions are graciously welcomed.

P.S. Anyone know who the "man" is that's always trailing around Trowa yet? ;)

**4Shame**


	16. Chapter 16

To whom much is given, much is expected.

No matter where I go, I always hear this in some form or another. It didn't bother me at first. Actually, I would always swell with pride about the fact that such a phrase would be shared with me. I was naïve as could be clear. I had thought it was easy to want to sacrifice more than the average man for the sake of life. Even if the messages I received from the stars weren't always the brightest, I still felt blessed to be able to intercept such secrets so easily.

That was until she came.

Elysion was blanketed with chaos, servants, guards and kings running around frantically as they tried to prepare for the largest meeting between the Earth and the Moon's royal court. Against my protests, Endymion had required each of us be a personal escort to one of the Lunar court's representatives while Endymion tended to the sweet Moon Princess. It was trouble and we all knew it, but Endymion's word was law and Kunzite made a habit of reminding us of that every time we tried to disagree. So naturally Kunzite was on board, deciding to be the escort to Venus who had been declared the leader of the senshi in the week they were assembled. As for Zoisite, Jadeite and I, we put our fate in drawing straws, colors coinciding with the three leftover princesses at the end of each stick. Mine came out blue.

Mercury was very reserved, not that I minded. It meant I wouldn't have to speak much and I could possibly make it through the evening without having to dance. Indifferent I sat at a table, explaining Earth's order and how the Four Kings of Earth were still able to rule their home terrain while in the constant company of Endymion. I found it strange she'd ask since her situation was similar, but being as she was a calculating woman I assumed she wanted to hear for the sake of research. While I regurgitated an explanation I gave often, I amusedly spotted Jadeite at Zoisite's aid who appeared to have upset the princess of Mars. I wasn't surprised. Though Zoisite was a gentleman in most cases, he was rather self-absorbed and albeit pompous at times and I had heard from the stars that those were traits Mars was least likely to tolerate. I suppose I should've done the nice thing and warned Zoisite or advised Jadeite to swap princesses with him but I never did like to intervene with the results of something as sacred as drawing straws.

Nevertheless, Mercury quickly noticed the escalating situation across the room and politely excused herself to see if she could be of any help. As a result, I saw Jadeite gently guiding Mars away by the shoulders as Mercury diplomatically asked Zoisite to a dance to distract him from his urge to finish his spat with the woman in red. It was then that I had realized those two were still bent on following orders, princesses still at their sides as I sat without a soul. Of course, I was quite thrilled. Without a single intention of finding the leftover princess I decided I would slip out of the hall and deal with the repercussions later.

The air was heaven to my lungs. Without a single body outside to hog the open breeze, I finally felt relief. Leisurely I walked through the gardens, mulling over which spot would give me the clearest view of the sky. Realizing these fields were too open, I opted to go into the trees for concealment, knowing by then which area I'd choose to hide from the feigned friendliness inside Earth's halls with the foreign royals. I didn't get far before I heard the barely audible snap of a twig.

I lunged before I could even think, my body colliding roughly with a soft wisp of fabric. I almost felt I was in a dream it was so soft, but with the determination of a predator, I wouldn't let up so easily. The heavy aroma of summer showered roses swept my senses, swift movements from my prey giving me insight that this was no ordinary fighter. I grinned that my luck would give me such an opportunity to release some pent up frustration and took my chance enthusiastically. In the shadowed forest of trees I could hardly see my opponent, but it didn't matter as the stars were loud in my ears warning me that the trees gave favor to this particular soldier. I didn't mind it, at least then it meant this would be more of a challenge.

I could hear the wind run by me with every fist I dodged and knew if I encountered too many of those then I'd be out for sure. I smirked when I landed my first punch but quickly regretted it as I felt the trees around me howl in anger as my opponent's strength and speed seemed to intensify immediately. I didn't last much longer after that, and I can distinctly recall the feeling I had when I was pushed back and pinned to the ground. Already my mind was reeling with counterattacks that could salvage this battle but my body froze with shock when noticing the fine fabric of royal garments pooling around me, auburn curls falling freely from a band that had been sashaying down its original ponytail throughout all the movement. I could feel her trained body straddling my hips and suddenly I wasn't so bothered by the fact that I had been pinned.

"You're one of the four Kings of Earth."

I raised an eyebrow when I heard her make the acknowledgement, her body quick to climb off of me as she scrounged for something in the trees. She returned in full light, my vision shocked once more by her height and the way her garments smoothly outlined her every bodily curve.

"Are you hurt?" She sounded anxious, chewing on some herbs and rubbing them on a cut I had on my forehead. Now that was something I was unaccustomed to.

"Did you just have that in your mouth?" I couldn't help but ask, slightly disgusted that she was rubbing it so freely on my face and completely disregarding the fact that I had very much appreciated the view of her body. I wasn't one to fret over disgusting habits, but somehow I couldn't help myself as I distinctly remember feeling like Zoisite had possessed my body and fueled my unlikely reaction.

"The Queen is going to kill me when she finds out," she cursed, ignoring my dislike of her current activity.

It was then I had finally realized she was not of this Earth.

"Queen?" I retorted, "You're a member of the Lunar court?"

I cursed in return, shoving my hands in my pockets for the travel kit Kunzite ordered us to carry at all times. It was a stupid rule but at the moment it might serve useful. I noticed a nick on her collarbone and started treating it with a clumsy band aid. It wasn't much, but at least I was trying.

"What're you doing?" She asked in surprise, trying to make sense of the peculiar looking thing on her skin.

"If Kunzite finds out I scratched a member of the Lunar court, he'll have my head." Endymion I was not afraid of, since he was a bit of a softy when it came to disciplining but Kunzite was completely unforgiving.

I heard her scoff in amusement before she laxly seated herself in front of me, taking my despicable first aid kit and placing it on the ground beside us.

"Looks like punishment is inevitable for the both of us," she grinned, those green eyes sparkling like the stars "No use in rushing towards it, right?"

"Are you asking me to shirk my duty as a King and attempt to stall fate?" I had asked in suspicion.

She shrugged, laying back with a sigh as the grass seemed to shiver at her touch. The emerald fabric of her gown ruffled heavenly around her, curls sprawling in rippling directions as her eyes rested on the stars whose voices shrieked for me to get away only making me more convinced that I should do the exact opposite.

She sighed with a lazy response, "Well, weren't you doing that on your own already, shirking your duties as a King, I mean? I don't exactly remember the ballroom extending out this far into the grove," she mentioned with a thoughtful expression and a finger tapping her chin in thought. "Or am I mistaken…"

"You know I could have you arrested for trespassing," I stated in an attempt to rebuke her truthful but unwanted observation. She rose from her laid out position, her head closing in distance to my own. I could feel electricity building between us and I was hungry to see where it could go.

"And I could have you executed for assaulting me." Her breath was hot on my skin, the low whisper of her voice tickling my ears as her eyes flashed with merriment, playfully begging me to challenge her once more. I scoffed, smirking like a mad man as I played with fire or lightning to be exact. Kunzite would not approve but at that time I could care less what he or even the rest of the kingdom had to say on the matter. It was the first time I found fascination with a woman and I was unwilling to let that fact go.

I cannot completely recall the words that passed between us or when we had evolved from playful banter to intimacy. But it was the beginning of a selfish wish where I wanted nothing but her.

I would vie for her for eternity and though the stars had told me it would end in tragedy, I was convinced that having her in tragedy would be better than not having her at all. Lifetimes ended in tragedy and in each life, I can hardly remember ever wanting to leave her be. Perhaps in some reincarnations I would swear myself away from her but that was when she would bring it upon herself to seek me out at all costs. We were…are virtually fated for each other. Sadly, though, tragedy is just as persistent as it follows us through lives and lives of death and separation.

But I thought this life would be different.

For once, we met on ordinary terms. There were no memories to haunt us, no suspicious feelings of doubt looming in our consciences, it was just us. For a long time we lived in bliss. I would work, she would strive to bring her dreams to life and together we would work out all the tedious details of our relationship that often had a habit of leading to the bedroom and sometimes elsewhere. I enjoyed it. I craved it. And for once, I had no guilt amidst it all.

When I first heard she was pregnant I nearly collapsed. Fear wasn't the reason, rather, it was hope. Our past lives were slowly returning to our memories and so we never expected that we could actually bare children together when our lives had often ended before we got the chance. This was the difference that I believed would change everything. It was, after all, the one thing Queen Serenity and King Endymion had that their four respective guardians did not, a family.

As Makoto's belly grew larger, my nerves seemed to multiply, panic constantly running through me as I felt the day nearing rapidly. What if the kid didn't like me? I once asked Makoto aloud to which she raised an eyebrow and quizzically asked, "The _kid_?" I suppose she didn't like how that had sounded and so she never got around to answering my question, or even comforting me in my insecurities. It took much spoiling and pleading to get her to forgive me but once she had, her hate for me had bounced back with a vengeance as the pain of her predicament seemed to make her think that I was to blame entirely! And perhaps I was. After all, it was my help that got her pregnant to begin with and I doubt she would have ended up that way without me. Amidst her screams of pain, her crushing grip on my hand that easily broke bones, the whirlwind of colors flying through my mind, the multiple times I nearly passed out at witnessing such an awful thing, I had forgotten, almost, why we were there to begin with.

8 pounds and 14 inches tall, he silently came out. At first I was amazed, grateful even that I would not have to suffer as a parent of a noisy child. But when the doctor started slapping him to get him to make noise, I felt myself rise with anger. It was Makoto who stopped me with a clammy hand that weakly clung to mine. Apparently this was necessary to make sure he was breathing properly. What happened next has to be the most entertaining thing I had ever witnessed.

With a steady hand the doctor would gently spank him to make him cry but instead the little tyke's lip would quiver and then a serious expression would cross his face as he stubbornly bit on his lip and refused to make a sound. I couldn't help but laugh, swelling up like a proud father as I watched this scene repeat several times. With each attempt to earn a cry the doctor became more frustrated and my son all the more stubborn. He never did cry. But it was clear he had no trouble breathing as we could hear his breath pouring from his nose in irritation.

The doctor finally handed him over to us, his tiny hands clinging possessively over Makoto's slender finger as she held him. I was almost jealous, suddenly realizing I'd have to compete for attention from Makoto. But when she handed him to me and I felt the fragile weight of something so small and innocent, all jealousy had subsided immediately. It was unlike anything I had ever felt, and I never wanted to forget it.

As days passed it was clear he would grow with Makoto's striking green eyes and a surprisingly straight gene of deep brown hair. Later I had learned he also inherited my skill with stargazing. As a family we'd plant ourselves to the roof, staring endlessly at the sky as Makoto would try to merit some type of sixth sense which was completely out of her jurisdiction when it came to the stars. Nevertheless, he and I would always enjoy coddling her in adoration as we savored the time we spent together. Those were times I could never get enough of. Those are moments I cherish most when looking back on my life.

_Sigh._

But things weren't always so simple. Not for us.

I often wonder how it is I always have to make these unfair decisions. Makoto is here. She's in the same dimension as our son. I've led him and guided him to this moment, fantasized about finally being able to show her that he's alive! Even our son, who has grown distant and confused, finally has an opportunity to remember for himself just who he is. I want them to see each other. I want them to feel peace, to find peace. Yet, it seems impossible for me to help both of them. Instead, only one can be saved while the other is left to suffer.

It's just like that day so many years ago. Another difficult decision far greater than I could have ever imagined had presented itself to me and I constantly wonder if I made the right choice. Either save your family and let billions die in your stead, or stay and let the tragedy spread on those you love most for the sake of those billions who would die otherwise.

The disaster that I had been forewarned about was something I prepared for diligently. I knew I would run with Makoto and our son, escape into a safe distance and live life selfishly. After all, we had sacrificed ourselves enough already. Didn't we deserve a normal life?

With a purposely planned vacation out of the city, we were all packed and ready. All that was left for us to be able to evade that pain was me. I just had to go home, get everyone in the car and drive. I thought I could do it. I desperately wanted to do it. I was going to do it.

Before we left, Makoto insisted I stop by the shop to make sure everything was locked up securely and that all the trash was out in the dumpster and not inside with the potential to turn rancid. Though I knew it was a useless task, I did it anyways just to keep Makoto from becoming suspicious. I could already see the unease in our son's eyes and I couldn't bear to see them in hers as well.

So, I rushed to the bakery/flower shop and did as was requested. As I went to get back in the car, I crossed paths with one of our youngest patrons, Christa, garbed in her favorite acrobatic tutu with her infamous circus wagon filled with miniature elephants, tigers and obstacles. She'd come by often to pull the bakery's finest bus boy out to play and often dressed him up as a clown though he protested every time. He didn't have a silly bone in his body but for the sake of Christa who could hardly find any other playmates, he would endure the embarrassment. Innocent and completely oblivious, she waved gaily towards me, my chest throbbing sorely as I weakly returned her cheery gesture. She rushed to me with haggard breath like she had been sprinting for miles and pushed a badly beaten package into my hand.

"_I'm sorry it's so ugly," _she apologized, _"But I ran it over by accident when it fell out of the wagon on the hills. I'm glad I could get it to you though before you left!"_

"_What is it?" _I asked hesitantly, feeling my hands shake as the reality of the situation started to burn in my chest.

"_A surprise!" _She smiled excitedly, running off as she waved. I watched her until she disappeared down the sidewalk, slowly returning my attention to the "surprise".

When I opened it, there was no turning back.

Weather forecasts for the city we would be traveling to spoke of cloudy skies and rain. Being rather close to our family, Christa had known our favorite past time was stargazing. I couldn't stop the guilt flooding inside my skin as I pulled the plastic glow in the dark stars from the packaging, dropping the box immediately afterward. My resolve to flee this soon to be destroyed battle ground was decimated in mere seconds. I was never concerned about the fate of people I hardly knew, but the idea of having little Christa's blood on my hands and a thousand other Christa's was something I could not face. Though I knew it meant pain for Makoto and my son, I knew that they would be the only ones capable of saving such a vast number of people. After all, they had the power and power so great is meaningless when it isn't put to good use.

Still…I wish I had kissed her breathless with my hands tangled in her soft curls for one last time. I wish I could have rid the confusing and helped ease his mind before leaving. I know he heard the warnings from the stars and instead of helping him make sense of it all, I was focused on trying to escape. I wish I would have told her before she was caught by that awful surprise. My greatest regret is the fact that I could not run away with them and I can't stop sending my apologies to my family even in this afterlife. But the resounding thought that always rings clearly in my mind is ever present.

To whom much is given, much is expected.

I am the keeper of all the universe's secrets and a protector of a king, Makoto is a thunder-wielding reincarnation of Mother Nature and our son is cursed with sight and flowing with the blood of two soldiers. It seems we have much more than we need for a simple, uncomplicated life. I should have known we could never just persist among normalcy when we ourselves are far from it.

Someday I'd like to be born a normal man with no spectacular skills and no distinctive abilities that would separate me from the average man. I hope the same for my wife and son. Maybe then I wouldn't have to find myself making difficult decisions where there is always one person I care about left to drown in devastation.

* * *

"All of them are sure to arrive soon," Makoto informed quietly, unrest permeating her whole soul as she tried to silently ease her concern. The fight with Rei flashed in her mind, her fists clenched as her head pounded with confusion. The senshi would be hot on her heels soon but at the moment she struggled to find her position in all this haywire. Things were just happening too fast that she felt if she paused for just a moment, it would all zip right past her. What was she going to do? "We should devise a plan quickly before it gets too late."

"Can we even muster the strength necessary to combat them? Our two strongest bases have already been destroyed and it only took one to do it. How do you suppose we fight seven of them?"

Anxious, her son looked from the panicked scientist to his rather mild-mannered mother in anticipation.

"It's been a long time since any of them have had to exert themselves in battle. If you can force them to use more power than they're accustomed to we can tire them out," Makoto replied.

"Tire them out, sure," the scientist frowned, "But what good will that do?"

Makoto shrugged, "They're easier to fight when they're not at their best."

"You plan to fight all of them?"

Sharp green eyes glanced dangerously in the direction of the logically-trained doctor who gulped subconsciously in fear.

"Is there someone else who can challenge them?" She bitterly queried.

The scientist bit his tongue, his silence a clear indication that he could think of no one else with her qualifications.

"What preparations are necessary to magnify our chances against them?" He asked gruffly, still unhappy about the odds thus far.

The room was filled with quiet observers, each looking from the lead scientist to the ageless power house of a woman, whose static electricity made their hairs stand on end. She sighed, feeling tired and dim.

"I don't usually make those types of decisions," she muttered. She winced when feeling a hand on her shoulder, her eyes awkwardly staring into those mystical eyes of the woman that had led her to her son.

"You are our most qualified leader," she spoke respectfully. "We could not possibly get far without your guidance."

Silence followed afterward, Makoto's gaze shifting back out the window. With the senshi she was never one of the analysts and scheming was hardly her strong suit. Instead, she was an executor, her physical strength and surplus of power made her one of the best "doers" and less of a strategist. But she was no longer with the senshi, was she? Certainly changes would have to be made to her character amongst this new company…

"Their main concern is with the founders of this organization. Though I've gone rogue, they'll still be adamant on destroying this operation by taking down the founders first."

"And so…" the scientist nudged curiously.

"They won't be looking for me when they get here. I'm certain I'll be their second priority."

"Seems rather illogical for them to want the founders over you," commented a random observer. "If I were them I would seek you out to make sure you can't cause more trouble than you already have."

Makoto scoffed, "You might be right."

"Tch, you expect us to risk our lives with this woman who appears so lax about the outcome of this situation?" Cried a frustrated soldier, "I'd rather take my chances without her!"

Makoto was motionless, her son just the same as he lazily watched the armored man shake his fists in anger. The _Illusionist_, as Makoto had come to recognize her as, stood in her defense ready to make an example of him before the lead scientist intervened.

"We can hide the founders underground," he suggested, cogs working overtime as he formulated a plan.

"Go on," the Illusionist prodded reluctantly, drawing back her weapon as she regretfully disengaged from the outspoken soldier.

"The Armadillo base can house the founders below Earth and Jupiter can protect them on the upper levels. That way they have no choice but to fight her if they want to destroy this operation."

"Admirable scheme," Makoto's son spoke up nonchalantly, "But that places the senshi too close to the founders. If they decide to split up, eventually one of them will find their way underground. Remember, there're seven of them and only my mother on our side."

Makoto smiled weakly, the word "mother" resonating in her thoughts as she mindlessly took note of the numbers of trees outside this base. A deep pang of sorrow flooded her heart and a frown swept in to replace her somewhat hopeful expression.

A plan was well on its way to completion, the conversation entirely slipping through her ears as she glumly stared into space. Soon after, she heard feet shifting in exit, air circulating more freely as fewer bodies stood stiffly inside this cramped space.

It seemed the founders would be gathered immediately and placed in her capable hands for protection while the scientists created a diversion to lure the senshi in hopes of tiring them out and perhaps destroying them if they were lucky. But Makoto thought that unlikely. The rest would have to be decided when they reached that point.

She chanced a glance over her shoulder and caught a glimpse of the roguishly handsome brunette who leant quietly against the wall. She sighed in resignation, a hand lifting to press against the cold glass of the window.

The leaves outside seemed to float towards her; the limbs of trees reaching in her direction as the wind softly blew through the foliage.

"Do you remember when we used to go camping?" She asked in thought, not quite sure what made her bring up something so random.

"Of course," she heard him say, a small smile spreading across her lips.

"You and your father would be in charge of picking out the best spot to pitch our tents and I was always in charge of the food."

"You were the best chef," he pointed out, "It would be a waste not to let you cook. Besides, I always loved your food."

She laughed appreciatively. "In deed you did!" She beamed brightly, feeling light-hearted as she skimmed for more beloved memories. "Remember on mother's day when the two of you would always refuse to let me in the kitchen and forced me to stay on the couch and leave the work to you?"

He laughed a little, nodding his head as he coolly kept his arms crossed over his chest.

"You were always such a hard worker. It was the least we could do."

"Well, your father never did have a place in the kitchen," she mentioned, sighing in reminiscence as she continued on. "He nearly burnt down the house several times. Once he had almost done so with you there," she said with a shake of her head.

"Really?" She heard him ask. She turned to him and gave a gentle smile, nodding her head in affirmation.

"You were too young to remember," she explained, "But when I came home and saw the trail of smoke filtering from the back of the house, I was scared senseless. I pushed past the firemen and sprinted to you. I was so scared something had happened…" she scoffed, "But when I got there I found your dad joking around with some of the firemen that frequented our bakery. It was the most annoying sight I had ever seen. Here I was worried to death only to find my husband in the backyard with his buddies making a joke of a serious situation."

Her son laughed, a small grin spreading across his lips.

"What was I doing amongst all this?" He asked.

Makoto guffawed heartily, leaning with a broad smile against the windowpane.

"You, my son, have always been such a serious boy," she started with a glint in her eyes, "While the firemen laxly addressed the fire, you were proactively unwinding the hose and trying to attach it to the nearest fire-hydrant. Your actions alone forced the fire fighters to actually work quickly. They didn't like being shown up by a kid," she laughed, "But you were like that. You never waited for instructions. When you saw something that needed to be done or danger creeping in, you were always the first one to act. You were my little protector…"

Silence ensued, both people lost in distant stares as they let thoughts and memories mull in their minds.

"Losing you has been the greatest mistake of my life," she muttered sorrowfully, hiding her eyes as they watered with regret.

He tensed in discomfort, casting his eyes elsewhere as he tried to stifle the guilt. He heard her snivel, a small laugh escaping her dried throat.

"What am I saying?" She said, running a hand through her hair, "I have you now, don't I? I should stop living in the past and focus on the tasks of today."

She turned and smiled lazily towards him as he stiffly nodded his head as if to agree with her statement.

"We should get rest," she suggested, "Tomorrow is going to be a tough day."

She went to leave, not bothering to look into those forest green eyes that were much darker than she remembered. Nor did she even attempt to place a consolatory hand on his shoulder as if to reassure him she would be at her best tomorrow like she would have normally done in the past. Instead she walked through as if passing a stranger. It was his hand that had stopped her, her head turning to catch sympathetic eyes staring in her direction. Puzzled, she paused, softening in presence as she waited for his reason in stalling her.

"After tomorrow, there's no turning back," he solemnly warned, "Your old comrades may never forgive you if you take another step against them."

"I know," she replied.

"So you would turn your back on your friends for the sake of this place?" He inquired urgently.

A small tug turned at her lips, her aged eyes meekly meeting his, "You seem so much more concerned," she muttered, "This is quite a different tone than I've received since being reunited with you."

He frowned, looking to the ground in shame before speaking. "I just want to be sure that you're aware of the choice you're making."

Makoto sighed, placing a peaceful hand on his shoulder as she honestly replied, "For years I've lived with them pretending my wounds were beginning to heal," she stated. "But sometimes a person is just too scarred to keep pretending."

He looked up skeptically, "Are you pretending now?"

She smiled, "I haven't reminisced since the day I lost you," she confessed, "I'm glad I got to. I had forgotten how peaceful it could be to look back on such cherished memories."

She went to leave again, her steps stalling one last time as his question floated to her ears.

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

She looked thoughtfully to the ground, seriousness pervading her once ignorant demeanor. She contemplated the question thoroughly and with a nod, she gave her response.

"I'm positive."

* * *

Thank you for reading. I am iffy about this latest chapter but I'll come back to it later and reevaluate my thoughts on it before I completely dive into revision. However, the end is nigh! ^^ I'm excited! It'll be my first finished work! Can't wait! As always, comments and suggestions are much appreciated!

JW Jump: Thank you for your review! I am so glad you love this story! I know I say it a lot but this one is my most favorite to write ^^; And I am so flattered that you would read the whole thing over again! I tried it and it took me quite a while so I definitely appreciate the time you've taken to look at this story! I hope this chapter is on par and please tell me if you feel it is lacking! Again, thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

Silver Ame Tsukino: Thank you so much for your review! I hope this chapter rationalizes well enough who is trailing after Trowa and isn't too choppy or rushed. I sort of get the feeling that it might be rushed but I've looked at it too long to decide at the moment. ^^;; I do hope it holds strongly in comparison to previous chapters but if not please don't hesitate to let me know! Thank you so much for reading this and even more so for reviewing! It is definitely much appreciated!

**4Shame**


	17. Chapter 17

A loud crashing snatches my attention, my ears perking in concern and immediately, I run. I haven't the slightest clue what it could be but I know somehow that it's not good. My heart pounds in my chest as I rush through the halls to find where the crash happened and soundlessly it seemed I turned the corner to sight Makoto in shambles before me. My breath catches in my chest, the shattering pieces of my once loud heart scattering onto the floor as I witness the burning pain in her eyes.

My mouth opens to yell for help, but my throat dries quicker than I can speak and a scratching claw scrapes across the insides of my esophagus. My tears are endless, my soul filled with sorrow. All I can manage to do at that moment is pray that the reasons for Makoto's sudden appearance are not due to what I suspect has happened.

A firm hand is wrapped around me, my tearful eyes averting to spot Mamoru right beside me, his critical gaze peering into me as he voicelessly tells me he'll take care of this. I shudder when his warm arms release me, his orders swift as he sends messengers for Ami. Uncertain, I watch as Makoto's trembling frame remains steadfast in the center of the hall. Her eyes are dangerously void, her skin unnaturally pale and her presence achingly haunting. Frozen in place, I find myself shaking. Of all the fates that could befall my friends, this was one I was never prepared for.

I wanted to help her but it seemed I could do nothing more than try to embrace her and hope that she could feel my soul reaching out in attempts to piece hers back together. My heart ached so much, leaving me in tears, dragging me to sorrow, but I knew those types of things wouldn't help Mako-chan. So I tried my best not to show it to her. I tried to convince myself that it was slowly helping her recover but somewhere deep, in that chamber I never wished to open, I knew she was just too far from my reach to be helped.

But I was stubborn. I wouldn't believe it. Makoto had all of us here to mend her wounds. We all came together just to see to it that she would be fine. Us, the senshi, the ones who loved her like a sister and would do anything to help. Her friends were here.

I found myself repeating these thoughts incessantly in my head whenever I saw her, whenever I watched her.

When she finally made a return to the kitchen and made her beloved cherry pie for the first time in years, I was ecstatic. The taste was just as I remembered it and I smiled with mirth believing that somehow Makoto was coming back to us. Even when I found the disheveled pile of burnt and discarded pies in the garbage can while a large stack of dishes charred with burnt food still littered the countertops I found myself thinking: _she's okay. There's nothing to worry about. Makoto will be fine. _It didn't matter that I knew Makoto hated leaving a mess and would always clean as she cooked because she was insistent that a clean plate presentation meant nothing if the kitchen it came from was filthy. I believed she was fine. Not perfectly so, but eventually she would be.

When she received her first mission to close a door, I was washed with so much relief after hearing of her successful return with Haruka. I went to greet her and could feel myself cringing as I was directed to the medical wing, a battered Makoto meekly smiling as she was being treated by a frowning Ami. Haruka was unscathed but she excused Makoto's condition by saying she was a bit rusty but would get back into her usual strength with time. Despite the fact I had known Haruka and Makoto were actively sparring months beforehand and were sent to a mild-mannered dimension I let myself believe nothing was wrong. Even with Rei's observation of Haruka and Makoto's sparring sessions where she commented Makoto was much more reckless than she remembered, I denied the idea that Makoto wasn't healing. Instead I kept thinking: _she's okay. There's nothing to worry about. Makoto will be fine. _

When I saw her interacting with the next generation I was anxious but her smiles and words of encouragement defeated my doubt as the children took an enamored perception of Jupiter whose strength was undeniable and cooking just as praiseworthy. They swarmed around her with adoration and I was convinced that this was her biggest aid in healing. Enthused, I put her in charge of training the next generation. Endymion quietly tried to sway me against this but I could not hear him as I felt this would be the bandage that Makoto desperately needed. She accepted the position without hesitation and I reveled in the idea that this could be it. Soon Makoto would be back!

I was so convinced in this decision that I believed Makoto when she told me her puffy red eyes with a matching red nose were from allergies. I was so adamant at believing she was okay that I accepted her year-long allergies until Minako intervened and charmingly mentioned her children no longer loved her like they used to so she'd be training them a while so long as it was okay with Makoto. Even then I hadn't known Minako was only doing this because she actually had the strength to see the situation for what it really was. Oblivious, and unwilling to see the truth, I watched as the senshi reared back their children and coincidentally, Makoto's allergies seemed to ease up at the same time.

"_Stress sometimes spurs these types of things," _Makoto had told me. _"Those kids are just too smart. I couldn't help but stay up all night and practice my techniques before showing them since I was afraid they'd call me out if I made a wrong move."_

I laughed when she said it and blinded by denial I failed to acknowledge the lie. She was fine with the children. The best actually. The problem was when they weren't around and she stepped into her room to retire…_alone_.

I still can't believe that I put her through such torture. I forced her to relive her memories with her son by asking her to teach and guide the next generation of senshi just so she could return to her room, alone, and again relive the agony of what she had lost.

I…

I wish I was—

I wish I was stronger.

Instead I was so lost in my own cowardice that I couldn't even acknowledge what I had known from the moment Makoto appeared in Crystal Tokyo covered in debris and bleeding with pain. She was too far from reach, but I never tried to extend my arm further because I was so convinced that denial would be more helpful to the both of us. And look at us now.

I'm caught in a situation much worse than when she appeared so suddenly in the center of the hall with those ghostly eyes that still haunt these walls and evidently never left. Now, she's led by a wound so deep and infected that she cannot possibly escape the pain that should have been dealt with long before today.

The magnitude of the situation is far worse than I could have anticipated. Instead of helping, I must now consider the alternative…

I remember the first day I met her. I was in awe of her strength, amazed by her speed and enamored with her food. Heh, I remember how sturdy she was. Even when she wasn't trying and despite her sometimes baffled behavior around boys she thought were cute, she still stood tall with unwavering might. I remember the intoxicating aroma of grilled shrimp paired with steamed rice, a home mixture of soy sauce and herbs, coconut milk soup with lemon grass chicken and a hint of spice, chocolate chip cookies with walnuts, taro cake with cream filling, smoked salmon and an array of other foods that would always make me feel as though I had just stepped into a magnificent dream that I never wanted to wake from. Then when I would finish and fall back in satisfaction, she would smile and offer more. And like the bottomless pit that I was, I was always ready.

I remember the many times I've stood behind her. Whenever I see her back, I can't help but feel _safe_. Whether it be in a fight where she and the others have jumped up to protect me or when we would walk together and she'd accidentally end up slightly in front of me because of her long strides that easily doubled my own, I always felt safe. Her russet curls bounce freely as the scent of summer showered roses warmly seeps from her sturdy frame and my smile broadens when she turns to apologize for passing me up as her green eyes shimmer with embarrassment when admitting she was daydreaming and had forgotten I was with her.

That was my Mako-chan. She was always ready to defend me, always daydreaming about love, always stood tall and fortified, was soft and sweet, a C to B average student, a hard worker, a big dreamer, an amazing chef and one of my best friends...

I loved—I'm sorry, I **love** her like a sister.

Setsuna says there can be no other option. She insists that I realize this fact and try not to sink back into old memories of a person that is no longer existent. It was hard to swallow that, it was even hard not to be angry by her statement, but I know she is right. Makoto hasn't been the same since she returned and the person she is now can hardly be considered the same young, always dreaming person I once knew. But then again, haven't we all changed?

Endymion sympathetically avoids the question. He knows what this means to me but unfortunately it is not something he can take the reins on like he did when Makoto appeared so suddenly in the hall. He pulls me into a heavy hug, my eyes tearing as I feel his hands tightly gripping my shoulders.

"_We all made the mistake of ignoring her heartbreak from day one," _he says. "_For Mako-chan's sake, Usako, don't make the same mistake twice._"

The mention of my name pierces through me. As Serenity I am expected to do what's right for the sake of the universe, but as Usagi my main concern is and has always been for the safety and wellbeing of my friends and family. Mamoru is always so perceptive of those distinctions and I'm reminded of why I love him so much. He knows me better than I sometimes know myself.

Neverthelss, it's hard to admit that for so long I have been so selfish and for that I hope she can forgive me. Rest assured though, Mako-chan, my friend, I will give you the acknowledgement you deserve. It is the least I can do.

Sincerely,

Usagi

* * *

"Damn, these people are like ants," Haruka cursed, sending an orb of light barreling towards a barrage of soldiers. "You kill one outside the ant hill and thousands more start pouring from the top."

"Well then," Minako cut in. "Let's find the Queen and get this over with."

Serenity's arrival was less than comforting. Stoically she declared Jupiter a threat, ordering that each of them treat her as an enemy should any of them come in direct contact with her. It was hard to swallow for each of them but they knew it had to be done. What Makoto had done to Rei, though still leaving her alive, was shocking and for once they suddenly started to realize she may have seriously started to believe her son had survived after all these years. Sadly, they didn't know whether to pity her or be angry.

Haruka was back in full commission and even if she wasn't, she'd never let herself be counted out when the mission involved Makoto. In total, they had Serenity, Venus, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and the princess of Crystal Tokyo in attendance and as it stood, they'd have the founders in no time.

Serenity was the first to stop, her bright blue eyes tinged with suspicion.

"Something isn't right," she said and instead of stopping alongside her, Venus chose to swing her chain full force in the direction of an opportunistic assailant. He rolled across the floor unconscious and slowly Minako allotted a moment of pause.

"What do you mean?" She panted, somewhat fatigue by the ongoing supply of soldiers here.

Haruka snarled, now picking up on the suspicious circumstance of the situation.

"Makoto's not one to hide," she said. "If this were a real fight, she'd be out here against us."

Minako gulped.

"Well then, if she isn't here, where is she?"

* * *

He didn't know why he was in there, or why he kept replaying the tape continually despite the fact that he had memorized every frame. The suburban town suffered a terrible explosion and as the Leo waited for military action, it was disappointed to find that technology was inferior to its own humanoid shape. Clumsy jets attempted to shoot down the mobile suit, each jet plummeting to the Earth after being shot.

People flocked from their homes, afraid, and nothing with enough power could save them. He winced, fast forwarding through the tape and stopping on a single frame. A blurry picture of a boy approximately 8 to 10 years old stood like a stone at the foot of the mobile suit.

After a withheld sigh, he observed the image, drinking in the faint emerald green that shined through the smoke and examining the depth of brown in the boy's hair. The scientists had imagined that with a mother that could retain her youthful gait and skin for decades, then her son was likely to be the same and so a young man in his mid-twenties was chosen to convince her that she had something worthwhile here. At first he took on the task proudly but as he watched her struggle and witnessed the real pain in her eyes, he couldn't help but feel guilty.

He supposed he never suspected to realize that she was _human. _Her power was alarming and the discovery that she still maintained the physical conditioning and appearance of a young adult had somewhat tainted his original view of her. He thought that with those types of traits, she was immune to emotion and quick to act selfishly. He expected she would be as power hungry as any other cliché power house. Clearly, he was mistaken and sadly, he could see that her friends weren't at all as tainted as he liked to believe.

From the memories she shared, she had a real life once. The way she spoke of her son and her husband often made him forget she was anything more than ordinary. After shining at the recollections of her family, her auburn curls somehow seemed to go limp and he had suddenly noticed the graying color of her once luminescent green eyes. And though the lines on her face were faint, and her skin was taut, he could hear the age in her voice, a bittersweet alto imprinting its experienced tenure upon the impressionable ears of a soldier who posed as her son. When he looked to her, she looked normal and sometimes he wished she didn't.

It would be easier if she was arrogant and self-righteous. If she looked down on them like she was a higher being then he could've ignored the urge to sympathize for her. If she wasn't so scarred then perhaps he wouldn't feel so desperate to make up for his deception.

Sighing in discontent, he shook his head and returned his attention to the frozen frame. He had been researching the original records for hours, skimming documents and trying to see if anything had turned up with regards to the young boy that was sucked into the vortex nearly two and a half decades ago.

From the video feed during travel, he wasn't seen. But in old reports, where they logged in the number of soldiers, he kept finding discrepancies. As he matched the number of soldiers returned from different dimensional trips, he would compare them to the log but as he recalculated the numbers over and over again, he always counted exactly one soldier too many. But as he continued, the numbers would eventually match his calculated count meaning that somewhere along the way, that one soldier had either suffered an undocumented death or they had escaped.

The boy's body was never really found. Then again, they assumed he was lost in the vortex. With hesitant hands, he pushed open an old box filled with dusty files and pulled out the accordion file folder filled with the original staff of Black Star. He blew off the gray dust and scrunched his brow with concentration as he skimmed the contents of the folder. A photo was in hand and as his eyes found themselves straying to a brunette boy with the hand of an old scientist, who had escaped and was rumored to have taken part in the creation of the Gundams, resting on his shoulder.

Shocked, he rushed through files, finding the same pair in every annual photo until the year of the Doctor's escape. Afterwards, there were no more pictures with that same brunette boy with grassy green eyes.

His heart pounded in his chest and he was certain that if he took the photo to Makoto then she'd recognize the boy in a heartbeat. No name was present for the long overlooked soldier, but he doubted it mattered since his mother could undoubtedly fill in that bit of missing information. With a new revival of excitement, he pushed himself to his feet only to freeze in his place when the spotty eyes of Black Stars Illusionist filled the void of space between him and the door.

* * *

Waiting had been easy, surprisingly enough. Makoto's green eyes scanned every face of every soldier, her throat drying as she watched them run past her.

There was one lost child. And another. And another, she thought. Just how many families had missed their relative for them only to be alone here in a place full of strangers under the whim of wealthy founders? Hn, well, there went another son running off to his death and she wondered if like her child, he had been ripped away from his home at a young age.

Still it remained that perhaps these soldiers had chosen this life. Maybe they were here because they vehemently supported the conniving scheme of the founders and wished to offer their services in every way possible. For some, this place could be a dream, a blessing even. The gift of traveling through worlds to find the different cultures and powers that were at large and capture those useful pieces to craft a magnificent vision was quite a goal. She herself was humble enough to admit that the thought was exciting to the average man who aspired for more.

"Jupiter," she hears from behind her and flinches, turning uncomfortably and speaking before the Illusionist can finish her message.

"Makoto," she corrects with a frown. "Jupiter is a title amongst the senshi. I don't think I can handle using that same name against them."

Secretly, Makoto scoffs to herself. Though she is conscientiously rebelling against Serenity and the senshi, she finds it funny that she still retains so much loyalty that she would stop others from addressing her as Jupiter, a person that was sworn to be their ally for eternities. And yet she frowns. Wouldn't it be harder for them then to know that it isn't Jupiter who was sworn by blood to be their friend that is defying them but instead Makoto, the young teenage girl who grew to love them for who they were away from their duties? She shook the thought from her mind.

"My apologies," the Illusionist says and Makoto suddenly has the urge to ask her for her name but resists after realizing she doesn't genuinely care enough to know. Something about the Illusionist doesn't sit well with her but she disregards the thought and blames it on her own internal struggle with finding her place in a world she doesn't believe she belongs to.

Makoto nods carelessly in response and again cuts her off.

"Where is my son?"

A strange glint flashes through the Illusionist's eyes and it sets Makoto on edge, her voice falsely uneasy as she makes a reply.

"He has decided to face the senshi in your stead," she says, making Makoto's stomach churn. "I tried to convince him not to but his mind was already set. He seemed bent on protecting you…"

Makoto gulps, feeling sparks starting to crackle through her skin as her senses warn her of impending danger. Again, she disregards the feeling and nods in unease.

"I see."

The elevator to the underground base is openly vacant and without direction, Makoto steps inside. Soundlessly, the Illusionist follows. The static in the air is somehow stifled and Makoto feels herself scoffing as the mistrust of Black Star becomes evident. Lined with non-conductive material, the elevator juts downward into a room completely engulfed in a rubbery substance. When she steps out, she is not surprised to find herself apprehended by soldiers adorned in protective suits made of material from the elevator.

"We hope you can understand," says a decrepitly aged man whose white hair straggles from his scalp. "All necessary precautions must be taken."

They order the soldiers to continue and they lead her into a separate room surrounded by mirrors with a table in the center and a machine growling beside it. As Makoto is strapped down next to a machine whose function is not hard for her to guess, she tries to summon thunder and it fizzes out like a broken light. The soldiers exit upon completion of their task, and the transparent door closes behind them.

"You plan to take my power," she assumes, unenthused and all the more absolute in what her role is now.

No one answers and her pain crashes into her like a bus as she recalls the reason she is in this predicament. She had known they were misleading her. Though the soldier they claimed was her son looked convincing, she had seen through his façade when the scar that should have been on his forehead just above his eyebrow was nowhere to be found. Her son had only been subject to one completely embarrassing moment of his own doing and the scar he received afterwards was one he actively tried to hide to prevent others from asking about it. Chef hats would be shoved onto his head until they met with the top of his eyebrows and though Makoto often tried to reassure him that the scar was barely noticeable, he still kept on with trying to hide it. He'd continue in that fashion, wearing headbands, and even styling his hair to cover it. That insecure habit was something she adored and her heart ached as she thought of it, the picture of him again finding its way into her thoughts.

He couldn't be replaced but when she saw the soldier so close to being exactly as she imagined her son would look, she couldn't help herself. She knew he wasn't hers but she thought that she could pretend if only just for a moment...

The machine groans into life, the heat of its fuel drifting to her restrained position.

A tear trails down her cheek and a sadistic laugh escapes as the corner of her lips turn into a smirk.

"It's funny," she says, looking up to the disgustingly aged founders whose eyes shined with selfish desire and lack of humanity through the windows. "I was wondering what I'd do when I finally met you all. I just didn't know my decision would be so easy."

She can see them scoffing as though they already won and her eyes maliciously glow with intent to change their mirth-filled expressions. She hopes for some type of vocal response from them, but it doesn't come. Still, she smiles, now knowing for a fact that they had made a large observational error when she calls an unnoticeable oak evolution and it rips hungrily beneath her and through her restraints without hindrance.

_Such strong words filled with empty promise_. Is a phrase that echoes in her head and she's certain it is the work of the Illusionist. _It is unfortunate but this is the end for you._

Amused, Makoto scoffs.

"You really should've done more research," Makoto cockily quips as the walls creek around them but not loud enough that the army of Black Star associates would be alarmed.

_And why do you suppose that?_

Makoto's scoff becomes more entertained and she lets the words roll from her tongue with dangerous intonations. "Thunder isn't my only vice."

Bark juts through the floor, gripping possessively over bodies and devouring everything in sight as Makoto rises to her feet. The founders' first glint of panic rises to their faces and she is satisfied by their surprise as they futilely try to escape. She knows they won't make it since the Earth has already crushed the last exit from this hidden base. Steadfast and pale, Makoto stands at the center allowing her body to be taken last as her eyes shut in anticipation of the inevitable.

* * *

Trowa sat patiently on the bed, watching as Duo charmed the nurses enough to convince them that his friend was in good hands and worthy of being released from their care. After moments of coy laughs and slight blushes, the nurses agreed to get Trowa's release under the condition that he return for therapy once a week. Duo thought it was a decent proposal and agreed.

From the bed, already fully dressed, Trowa stood up, straightening up the wrinkled blankets afterwards. He paused a moment to look to the dresser, the pair of pink rose earrings sparkling in the sunlight and hauntingly prodding his slowly healing heart. Hesitantly, he went to pick them up, recalling the decision he had made just days ago with his invisible guardian from the stars.

"Ready, Trowa?" Duo questioned, popping his head in through the doorway as Trowa stared once more at the earrings.

He could feel the struggle still and though he had admitted to the still unnamed man that he would move on, it was apparent that he still hadn't convinced himself it was for the best.

"Trowa?"

He winced slightly when realizing it was Quatre's voice this time. When he turned, the blond was patiently standing in the doorway with Duo behind him.

"I'm ready," Trowa said, his hand reaching instinctively for the earrings until he stopped it just short of grazing the top of them. He retracted his arm without them and after one last look, he walked away, the pink rose earrings left on the dresser to sparkle for an empty room.

* * *

Thank you for reading! I am almost done! I hope this chapter was decent and as always all comments and/or suggestions are greatly appreciated!

Nerf-or-Nothing: Lol. Thank you so much for your review. Not only did you make me laugh but I am so extremely flattered by your compliments. XD I will do my best to keep writing and thank you so much! Your review(s) (in regards to my other stories) have pretty much made my whole week. ^^ But I'm glad you like this one! I probably sound like a broken record but this one is my favorite so its always awesome to get feedback on it! I cannot thank you enough for your words of encouragement!

4Shame


	18. Chapter 18

The world as I see it is breathtaking. I remember my mother telling me one time that the future was once so dark but thanks to me I had helped brighten it by risking my life to save the ones I loved. She said that in those brave sacrifices there is a light that shines to remind us of the reasons why we're here, why we're alive and I can't help but agree as I think back on my motivation behind my actions.

I can imagine without being told why I had fought so hard to save this world. Just the feeling that I get while wrapped in my father's embrace is enough. Or the way my heart warms at the precious moments where my mother and I stay up late together talking. Just the simple act of talking, listening and knowing that someone is there that genuinely cares for me means more than I can even explain in words.

It's that feeling that burns warmly in your chest. The feeling that is both exciting and calming, rapid and smooth, alarming and safe. It is the feeling of complete adoration and contentment. It's a feeling that I always crave and when I have it, I never want to let it go. It is unforgettable and with reason. Because if such a feeling was easy to get over, then I fear I'd never hope to feel that way again. And then what would this life mean to me? What would I have to live for?

Is it duty?

I stop to ponder this question often. If I didn't have those moments with my parents, those feelings with my friends that are too magnificent to be described, then what would I have? Would there be anything left?

My natural instinct is to immediately think of Mako-chan. Although she often _seems_ happy around me I can feel something deeper, something somber. In training she is agile, with cooking she's flawless, in gardens she's knowledgeable but in leisure she's…different.

When I heard that she was siding with Black Star I expected myself to be angry. After every word from Venus, every explanation from a badly beaten Mars, I wanted to be upset. But as I searched for a reason why I was slow to react, I was reminded of a single moment in which I was surprised I had forgotten.

It was a day when I had felt the entire world was against me. My father had been persistently pushing me to extend my studies even further despite my full load and even convinced Hotaru to try and persuade me in his favor. When I had turned to my mother for some support, she had sided with my father and agreed I needed to do more. I was livid and stormed off into the training room to throw punches at a dummy. I had been focused solely on the head for reasons I assume are easy to guess. I was so wrapped up in my own rage that I hadn't even noticed Mako-chan enter the room.

"Ouch, that one would've left a nasty bruise. I feel sorry for the person's face you're imagining on that dummy."

I had jumped with surprise as soon as I heard her voice and could immediately feel guilt wash through me when I turned to face her. She was smiling meekly with a curious gaze that prodded at me to break down and tell her all of my frustrations. All there was for Makoto to say to finally convince me to confide in her was something to the effect of—"If you'd like, I could be live target practice for you. But I must warn you, my natural reaction has always been to fight back."

I had visibly cringed and offered an alternative that we have mint'n'chip ice cream from the carton instead. Luckily, Mako-chan was easy to persuade.

"Mmm that would go well with some warm cookies," Makoto responded. "Let's do it."

Not long after that, we had situated ourselves on stools by the counter, spoons in hand and a timer set for the cookies. I poured out all my frustrations in just one sitting while Makoto attentively listened. When I was done the timer had started to beep and Makoto was immediately on her feet with a hot pad. I watched her nervously, half expecting her to side with my parents.

"Well?" I had asked impatiently. "What do you think?"

"I think these cookies are just right!" Makoto replied as she whipped around with the tray in her hands. "We just gotta let them cool down for a bit."

I rolled my eyes and held back the urge to laugh in exchange for a wry expression instead. "I mean about my parents." My feet had started kicking then, swaying from front to back until Makoto finally sighed.

She had her back towards me as she carefully scooped the cookies from the sheet to place them on a cooling rack, but I could still hear her clearly.

"Your parents just want the best for you," she had said.

"I know that," I whined hastily. "But it's too much. My mother never had to do this much school work when she was my age!"

"She also wasn't a globally recognized princess with the responsibility to assume the thrown when her parents are no longer able."

"Yeah well that won't happen for another thousand years, and I'm short-changing here. They're severely overreacting!"

Makoto laughed and walked towards the sink to wash the cookie sheet. The scent of the newly baked cookies were then swallowing my senses, causing my stomach to growl with covetous intent. I had even started to salivate from a simple glance at the tray of freshly baked treats. Anything from Makoto had always been so difficult to resist and in my attempt to abstain I could hardly even focus on what Mako-chan was saying.

"Sometimes people that love you are so blinded by their pressing urge to help make you better that they end up suffocating you instead."

"Huh?" Was my elegant response.

Makoto turned with a laugh and that familiar guarded gaze that feigned contentment just to mask true pain was there in plain sight. Alert, I had sat upright when realizing I had somehow triggered something hurtful and tried to decipher what it was before I made the situation worse. But it had been too late. Makoto had already swooped in beside me, placed her hands on my shoulders, and looked me squarely in the eyes to give me her parting words of wisdom.

"Get some air, Chibi-Usa. If that means pushing and shoving your way through your parents' law then so be it. Do whatever it takes to clear your mind enough to realize that your next brave step should be to confront them and speak honestly together. If you simply give in to their expectations without voicing your true feelings then someday you'll wake up to resent them and that, my dear princess, is no way to view your loved ones."

At that time I could only scratch the surface of what she meant that day. Today, I find myself understanding it much deeper.

Mako-chan's decision to act on behalf of Black Star, whether conscious or not, was not a blatant act of defiance against us. It was her way of finding air in a place where we had crowded her because we were consumed in trying to fix her. My only hope now, is that she's had time to clear her head.

Makoto's eyes fluttered open unexpectedly. Thick canopies of lush green treetops towered over her in a protective shade while leaves rustled lightly with the wind. Her body was surprisingly relaxed as she lay in the natural contour of a large oak that had somehow perfectly molded itself to her frame. Though she was disappointed, she knew that there was no way the trees would turn against her even if she had desperately willed them to.

Small beams of light filtered through the gaps in the trees and she watched motionlessly from her oak as bright blue birds glided across the streaming light with joyful tunes and careless enjoyment. A smaller blue bird had beat its wings doubtfully and called after its mother who gracefully commanded the sky with ease. She turned to him and chirped as she stretched out her wings and dove towards the ground. With a small shift of her arms she had captured the wind and kept herself afloat. As the young bird watched from his perch, he bravely fluffed out his feathers and obediently stretched out his wings and took the dive.

Makoto's breath held as she pushed herself up to see what came of the small bird and in relief she sat back against the thick bark of the tree as the small bluebird chirped excitedly. He had followed the example of his mother and tilted his wings to catch the wind and successfully kept himself airborne. He attempted twists and turns in his flight pattern to test out this new sensation, and gaily he called to his mother in achievement. She proudly met him and they flew side by side through the forest, together.

"It's nice to sometimes sit back and observe nature for a change. I always forget that amazing things don't just happen to us, they happen to every living thing in all these worlds."

Makoto's verdant eyes turned to spot Haruka casually leaning against the sturdy oak with her arms folded across her chest. The smooth breeze ruffled her sandy blonde mane, while her navy blue eyes silently observed the birds. She had always had a mild fascination with bird watching but kept it under wraps for fear that it would somehow taint her reputation for being a hard-ass.

"How did you find me?"

Haruka laughed and ran a hand through her hair before glancing in Makoto's direction. "Really, Mako-chan? You're asking _me_ that question?"

A smile was hard for Makoto to escape. Though she wanted more than anything to remain solemn and sulk, she couldn't deny that small grin passage onto her lips. Haruka knew her well. And even so, she had learned how to communicate with the wind ages ago so it was nearly impossible to hide from her.

"What do you plan to do then?" Makoto had asked. She genuinely hadn't known what would happen next. Her final intention was to be buried beneath the ground alongside Black Star. To her it seemed fitting to end her life with the annihilation of an organization that had ripped away her soul so many years ago.

Haruka shrugged as if it was a casual occurrence. "That's all up to you, really," she said, as her eyes remained steadfast upon the birds.

"Are the others upset?" Makoto was curious to know. For some odd reason she had hoped they were.

"Michiru might be. Minako, not so much. Rei, definitely. But her grandfather is pretty appreciative."

"How is that?" Makoto asked incredulously. Haruka turned to her with a smirk and explained.

"He's relieved someone was able to distract Rei from his ailment and sends his regards. Of course, he said next time maybe you could go easy on the hitting."

Makoto scoffed, suddenly feeling a sharp pain in her side. It appeared that though she was saved from Black Star's burial, she had still received some injuries. She gingerly examined her skin beneath her shirt and sure enough there were ugly bluing scars with purple interspersed in between. She had expected Rei would be upset but it didn't sound nearly as dangerous as she hoped it would. Even with a clear indignation in her betrayal, the senshi were still slow to anger because they had known she was hurting. Sometimes she wished they'd be a little more hostile.

With a deep breath she lowered her shirt and timidly asked her next question.

"How is Usagi?"

"Usagi's here."

Makoto's eyes shot up in alarm as her heart started to beat uncontrollably. Just the idea of seeing Usagi with her effervescent blue eyes so sympathetic and searing had hurt her. She didn't want to see the pain in her friend's eyes, nor did she want to burden her with something so desperate as attempted suicide. She was truly foolish to believe that her own elements would exact her wish for self-mutilation.

"Haruka I can't—not like this."

She had started to panic, her heart racing against her chest as if something dire was about to happen. Her russet curls fell across her shoulders, loose from their usual band, and her eyes shamefully trembled with anxiety. She tensed when feeling a warm hand on her shoulder.

Unlike Haruka's previous display of imprudence, she was now unyielding. Her firm expression was both soft but insistent. It was all together perplexing how she could accomplish such a swift change of expression in mere minutes.

"It's been hard on all of us, Mako-chan," she said with her eyes level to Makoto's. "I think it's time we all stop lying to each other and finally start acting honestly. Things can't just go back to what they used to be. Something's gotta change and its gotta start with you."

Makoto could only stare into those navy blue eyes as she tried to contemplate what was said. It was so easy for Haruka to say what was best but to actually apply her advice was another story. Makoto had harbored so much pain, so much anxiety for so long without releasing it that she wasn't quite certain she knew how to let it out. Fighting and death seemed like such simple things compared to complete honesty in expressing her feelings.

"You can do that, can't you Mako-chan?"

The question had somehow retrieved her full attention as her vision cleared and focused on Haruka's pleading expression. It wasn't a look that Haruka employed often and that fact alone had pierced Makoto in the heart. She couldn't keep running. Not when people were surrounding her and counting on her to get better. If she couldn't take this step for herself, she had to at least attempt it for the sake of her friends.

Her reluctance held onto her like an iron glove clasped upon the breaking wrists of an innocent. But somehow she managed to mechanically nod her head in a choppy motion as though her neck had separate gears and her spine was cantankerously shifting around to different grooves to make her head bob at different positions.

Despite her hesitance, Haruka smiled and gently slung Makoto's arm over her shoulder before standing to bring the brunette to her feet. That simple act of helping Makoto stand had put Haruka in much better company. With a small laugh she held onto the wrist of Makoto's arm that was over her shoulder, and shifted her hip flush against Makoto's.

"What's so funny?" Makoto had asked. Her brows were knotted with apprehension while her eyes teetered between looks of curiosity and suspicion.

"Nothing," Haruka replied. "It's just that Usagi must've really done a number on you if she can terrify you _that _much."

Makoto's lips pressed into an unenthused scowl. She went to punch Haruka with her free hand but convulsed when the pain in her side shot straight through her entire body. Her noticeable flinch only made Haruka more amused.

"Those are the sorrows you reap when you mistreat your body," Haruka said with a whistle.

"Oh shut up," Makoto replied with a slight smirk. She may have been annoyed by Haruka's teasing but somehow it had warmed her to realize that amidst all her pain, there was still hope for something other than sadness.

Trowa watched the trees sway with the breeze as the car rushed down the highway. Duo had taken the driver's seat while Heero and Quatre occupied the back seat. Wufei could be seen in the rear view mirror as he followed them on his Harley. Though they were coming from the hospital, their moods were rather lifted. Duo was drumming his fingers across the steering wheel in rhythm with radio tunes, Heero was mindlessly tapping his foot to the beat and Quatre was admiring the sunny weather in appreciation. Trowa was somewhat amused by it all as he let his head fall against the headrest.

"Ah, I love this song!" He heard Duo say before turning the volume up.

The chestnut haired brunette banged his head for the intro and shamelessly broke out into song in true Duo fashion.

"Carry on my wayward son! There'll be peace when you are done! Lay your weary head to rest. Don't you cry no more!"

Trowa scoffed at the irony and watched as Duo continued his semantics while trying to encourage the others to join in.

"I'm unfamiliar with this song," Quatre had said with an apologetic smile.

"Well then you can come in on the chorus," Duo insisted, "it's easy. How bout you He-man you've had to of heard this song before."

"I don't care for music."

Duo rolled his eyes knowing that Heero was just being confrontational, which was in retrospect a good sign. He hadn't been this confrontational since before Trowa nearly lost his marbles so things were looking to be on the upside.

Shaking his head, Duo then turned to Trowa but was robbed of his opportunity to nag him when he heard that foreign tenor match the volume without hesitation. Everyone was somewhat shocked to have heard him so loudly, or even to realize that they hadn't even known he could sing.

"Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man. Though my mind could think I still was a mad man. I hear the voices when I'm dreaming, I can hear them say."

Regardless of how much they all wanted to rattle off their surprise at Trowa about his impressive sound, there was still the matter of finishing the song. Newly enthused and eager, Duo, Quatre and even Heero (who had surprised himself by joining in) had accompanied Trowa at the top of their lungs. Heads were banging, air-guitars were in full motion, mouths were open wide and Wufei was watching with incredulity from behind at the unwarranted scene.

"CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON! THERE'LL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DONE! LAY YOUR WEARY HEAD TO REST! DON'T YOU CRY NO MORE!"

They had started to laugh amongst themselves when the song had concluded. They would certainly have to fill Wufei in on the details when they could. It had been such a long time since they had actually participated in something so carefree. In silence they realized their lives had been serious ever since they could remember. Hardly ever were they genuinely free of that stone façade, Duo included. It was quite soothing to have spontaneously ripped through that barrier even if it was just for the moment. But who knows, maybe they could keep that side up more often and eventually learn to settle down.

"Wow Trowa. Where the hell did you learn to sing like that?" Duo asked.

"My mother used to—" Trowa paused in mid-sentence as his eyes looked up. He hadn't even been thinking. The response just flew from his mouth before he had time to analyze it.

"What was that?" Quatre had asked from the backseat, interested.

Trowa gulped and let his mind wander freely. "My mother used to sing whenever she worked and I would help her," he said softly. "She was a cook, I think."

He could briefly recall humming which would sometimes break into a strong alto. His mind vaguely recalled a ball of dough upon a counter, and a charming bright smile upon a cream face whose cheeks were spotted with stark-white flour.

"Well that would explain why you're pretty good in the kitchen then," Duo replied with a grin. "Anything else you wanna share about your mom? Is she hot?"

Quatre rolled his eyes and started speaking before Trowa could even humor the driver.

"This is the first time you've ever mentioned her," Quatre pointed out in excitement.

"It's the first time I remembered…" Trowa drifted off and looked back out the window. Her face was still too blurry but the simple fact that he could remember she existed had been spellbinding. Just an image of her smiling at him was enough to sate all his desire for memories.

As Quatre was about to ask another question, he had been interrupted by a ringing in his pocket. He hastily grabbed his cell phone and flipped it open.

"Quatre Winner speaking."

Everyone in the car had clearly been eavesdropping as they silenced their conversation and turned down the volume of the radio.

"Of course," Quatre said. "You can stay for as long as you need to. It's no problem. If there's anything more that you need, please don't hesitate to ask."

It wasn't hard for either of them to guess who had been on the other line. A certain pink-haired girl had unknowingly captured the attention of a certain blond man who had been somewhat enchanted by her since the beginning. He hid it well by keeping to his usual kindness but even the men in the car had known that he was being much _too_ kind when it came to this particular girl. It appeared that hearing about her other-worldliness hadn't deterred him from her at all.

"You're girlfriend asked to stay longer, eh Q-man?" Duo had asked.

Quatre frowned. "As a matter of fact," he said, "that was her mother, the Queen."

Duo opened his mouth to say something but from experience, Quatre had cut him off.

"And no I don't know if she's hot."

Duo smirked. "Did she sound hot?"

Duo all but whined when that question was left unanswered due to Heero's convenient intervention.

"What's become of their rogue soldier?" he asked.

Trowa tuned in out of curiosity and Quatre sighed before repeating what he had heard.

"It appears Jupiter, as she is called, sank Black Star's entire operation along with their founding fathers in a suicide mission. She succeeded in destroying their target but failed in her attempt at death."

Duo huffed. "Well that sounds like someone I know." He looked to Trowa then back at Heero. "Make that two people I know."

"So they've recovered her?" Heero asked.

Quatre nodded. "Serenity has asked if she and her senshi could stay for a couple of days to _talk _with their friend before they return home."

"Well that sounds like it'll be violent." Duo tapped the steering wheel in thought as he tried to imagine what this "talk" might transpire into. He had seen what Usagi and Hotaru could do to large hunks of iron and it sort of scared him to think what a room full of veterans with that kind of power could do to each other. "We should go on vacation," he reasoned afterwards.

He expected his comment to be ignored like what seemed to be trending at the moment, but to his surprise, Quatre and Heero had both started to consider it.

"That's not a bad idea," Quatre had said with a nod.

Even Trowa was in agreement as he nodded. It would be nice to unload for a while especially given the mental traumas he had been enduring for the past year or so.

"Before we talk ourselves out of it," Heero said, "we should just do it. We don't really need anything at the mansion so we might as well get straight to it."

"This is getting more exciting by the second," Duo said with a laugh. "What about Wufei? I'm not sure he'll handle this spur-of-the-moment thing too well."

"If he's interested, he'll follow us. If he's got no patience for it he'll just ride home." Heero mentioned.

"For his sake I hope he follows us," Duo replied. He glanced for a moment in Trowa's direction to find that he had abandoned their conversation and wandered off on his own thoughts. Duo had been briefly alarmed but when he saw the faint smile on Trowa's lips he resolved that things were fine. Taking Heero's advice to heart, Duo made a sharp u-turn and spun the car around with screeching tires before zooming back down the highway in the opposite direction of the mansion. He swore he could hear Wufei cursing under his helmet as he too came to a screeching halt before following closely behind them.

Duo's three passengers glared in his direction but he shrugged them off and blasted the radio in contentment. This had to be the first actual vacation any of them had taken since the end of the war and he was happy for it.

* * *

Almost done! The next chapter will most certainly be the last for this story. I am pretty excited being as it will be my first completed fanfic ever. I had thought that perhaps this would be the final installment but cramming everything together seemed too rushed. Hopefully I'll be successful in ending this in the way that I've thought to end it since the beginning. Nevertheless, thank you for reading. I truly appreciate it!

Nerf-or-Nothing: Thank you for your review! That's crazy that you would also have a scar in that same vicinity XD What a coincidence! As sadistic as it sounds, I'm glad Mako's pain is felt. My hope is that in the next chapter I can clearly develop all her malice, discontent and insecurity and end it properly XD Wish me luck I've been contemplating this moment for years haha literally. But again, thank you so much for your reviews! They're always so encouraging and motivating!

TopazDragon: Thank you so much for your review! Don't be ashamed! I've reasoned most people won't read this because it's not typically the kind of fic one might look for on this site. I only speak for myself though of course lol. Anyhow, I'm relieved to hear that you feel for the senshi and not just Makoto. I was afraid that perhaps their struggles would be erased by the fact that there is quite a bit of focus on Makoto. As always, your reviews are so kind and flattering! I cannot thank you enough for your words of encouragement but I will try! THANK YOU!

4Shame


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: So I lied. I totally anticipated this would be the final chapter but alas I discovered one more is required before this finally wraps itself up XD. Unless, of course, people are fine with the way it ends here then I may not even continue on with this. Nevertheless, I hope this update doesn't disappoint and thank you for reading. Almost finished! So excited!

goodie: Thank you for your review! Hope you enjoy this update.

* * *

From the moment Makoto stepped into the room, she had felt an immense wave of anxiety hit her like a freight train. She paused for a moment, trying desperately to still her racing heart as she glanced forlornly towards Serenity who had stood with bright blue eyes that were watery with tears that sparkled like crystals. Makoto could tell Serenity was holding herself back from rushing to embrace her but after a few seconds of hesitation, Serenity could no longer take it and completely abandoned her restraint.

She lost all regality she had gained since the rise of Crystal Tokyo and looked more like the clumsy Usagi of old when she fumbled towards Makoto to tightly cinch her arms around the brunette's waist. She sobbed into Makoto's shoulder and was somewhat consoled when feeling the brunette's own arms circle around her.

"I'm sorry," Makoto whispered, her voice cracking with distraught.

Usagi froze and uncovered her face from Makoto's shoulder to look her friend in the eyes.

Doe-eyed and confused, Usagi stared into tired green eyes that she hadn't seen until that moment. It broke her heart to know that Makoto had been hiding that gaze from her since the beginning, but another piece of her wondered if she was to blame for never noticing it beforehand.

"Mako-chan," she spoke softly, stepping back from her tall brunette friend with an apologetic expression. "It should be me apologizing to you."

Makoto looked away at that. She couldn't bring herself to accept Serenity's meek admission, nor could she bring herself to believe it was true.

The aged soldier stared hard into the smooth peach wall to her side, stubbornly trying not to let the tears that had started to bubble in her vision pass from her eyes.

"Serenity please—"

Her plea was cut off by Usagi's abrupt interruption. With a movement so fluid and surprising, she had managed to get close enough again to Makoto and place her hand gently to Makoto's lips.

"Just listen," Usagi said softly, insisting that Makoto sit down with her at the round cherry wood table made for two. The grain of the wood swirled beneath a polished laminate, almost pristinely showing a clear reflection of the two women's faces that hovered above it.

Makoto hesitated, but sat down nonetheless, Usagi following suit immediately afterward. She took Makoto's hands into her own and pegged Makoto to her seat with her crystalline stare.

She opened her mouth to speak but when nothing came out, she closed it quickly and momentarily bowed her head to regain her thoughts. It was a tough subject to address and currently she wasn't sure how she should bring it up.

Makoto watched warily, knowing full well where this would be going but not intent on helping the conversation along.

"I've been foolish."

Makoto looked to Usagi with a look of disagreement. "Usagi please. Don't put this on yourself."

Usagi shook her head, continuing despite Makoto's words. "Believing that you could be healed by ignoring the pain you've festered for your _loss_ has made me foolish." She cringed to herself, still not able to fully verbalize bravely the real issue at hand. Even with the years that had come and gone, all she could muster the strength to say was _I'm sorry for your __**loss**__._

She couldn't even bring herself to recognize that Makoto had lost a son. She lost her husband. She lost the family that she desperately hoped to gain when she was younger. She lost the hope of a loving life, one with fulfillment and people. One that didn't have to end with her being alone at night, in her own room, among her own thoughts. All these things ran through Usagi's mind, but she still latched on to the devastating illusion that to say it out loud might break Makoto a little more and open that gaping wound even larger until it could no longer be closed.

"Mako-chan, your child, your husband," she muttered, tears springing forth from her eyes in relentless streams. She sloppily withdrew her hands to wipe furiously at her eyes, struggling to keep from sobbing. "If I had to endure that—I don't…I'm not—"

Her words were cut off when strong arms closed in around her. Makoto pulled her close to her chest in a silent notion, allowing the blue-eyed girl refuge in her embrace while she let the tears roll down her cheeks and absorb themselves into Makoto's borrowed shirt.

Makoto knew without saying what Usagi had meant. Sometimes fumbling over words was enough to communicate one's thoughts. And although Makoto wasn't the one crying, she still felt as though Usagi's tears could have been her own.

"It's not your fault," Makoto coaxed, petting Usagi's head as the younger woman cried in her shoulder. It was true. It wasn't Usagi's fault, none of it was. When Makoto got right down to it she couldn't blame anyone but herself. Not Rei, not Minako, nobody but her.

"Usagi," she said softly, not waiting for the blonde to respond before she continued speaking. "I'm gonna tell you something that I haven't told anyone since that day."

She could feel Usagi's body grow stiff in her arms, a small nod signaling her to continue. Makoto gulped warily, biting her bottom lip as her head lowered slightly, ashamed of what she was about to say.

"I could've saved him," she whispered, her heart shattering in her chest as she finally admitted it out loud. Usagi said nothing, made no motions to indicate how she was feeling and for the moment, Makoto was grateful for that.

"I saw him standing in the soot, his clothes covered in debris and his skin dirty. He was just standing there staring at the machine and I kept running towards him, yelling for him to get away from it. He couldn't hear me until I got closer. My hands were ready. My power was coming back to me in sharp torrents. I had never had so much focus as I had in that moment with that machine standing in front of my son just waiting to crush him." She paused, her stare casting itself to the wall as though she were envisioning that very scene within the room.

"And then the ground started to shake and I stumbled forward and collapsed. A larger crater formed beneath the machine and I could see my son slipping off the edge of the concrete as he turned to find me," she whimpered slightly, eyes glazing over with impending tears. "Usagi, I could see his face clear as day as if I were right there next to him." She reached out a hand, her eyes lost in a vision as her fingers traced an invisible face. "He wasn't afraid. I couldn't explain it but I was so surprised and at the same time comforted by his fearless expression."

"His olive green eyes met mine with such clarity and conviction that I was so stunned I couldn't move. Somehow along that space of time I had brought myself to my feet. There was a ball of lightning crackling in my hands just waiting to be released. I had the perfect shot. I could've made it to him in time to keep him from falling…but I didn't."

"The lighting fizzled out and died in my hands as I stood there motionless, watching as he sank beneath the ground with that damned machine." Her tears would not stay put, droplets slowly sliding down the curve of her cheek to accumulate under her chin until enough weight was acquired that they fell to the floor. With her gaze lost in past memories, she sat upright, staring at the wall as Usagi parted from her embrace to look her over with a look of sympathy and slight horror.

"Makoto," Usagi said, gently grabbing one of her friend's hands. The brunette was pulled from her thoughts and met Usagi's glassy stare. She looked mortified but Makoto couldn't blame her. She would have reacted the same too if one the senshi told her that story.

In the depths of those blue eyes Makoto could see Usagi trying to make sense of it all but she simply couldn't. "Why?" She asked almost hesitantly, forcing her eyes to meet Makoto's in a plea to understand.

Makoto lowered her head, taking her hand away from Usagi's and gulping before she shrugged. She didn't know whether she should share this with Usagi but she had been honest thus far she didn't want to break the trend.

With a heavy sigh she shook her head, rubbing away tears as she morosely admitted the truth. "I don't know," she whispered, "it's hard for me to explain."

"Then try," Usagi encouraged willfully.

Makoto nodded, thinking back on that terminal moment when she had halted her rescue plan for reasons that continued to haunt her.

"Do you remember Freddy?"

Usagi jumped with surprise at the unexpected question but nodded her head nonetheless. "How could I forget? You used to talk about him all the time when we were growing up."

Makoto smiled weakly with a muffled laugh. "I used to be in love with him but he broke my heart." That heartbreak seemed like nothing compared to that of the heartbreak circling the loss of her family. One look at Usagi and she could see that she was losing her so she went on talking. "There were things I could have said to mend that relationship, acts I could have done to win him back; but I withheld myself. At the time I regretted not running after him, hated myself even for letting him go. I wanted him so badly that I thought I'd be willing to do anything for him if he would just stay with me."

"But something stopped me, something…bigger. Later in life when I looked back on that situation I realized that if I had stayed with Freddy I would have never come to you. I would've remained at my old school, secure in my old habits with no need to change or awaken my connection to Jupiter. There would be one less senshi…"

She looked squarely at Usagi to survey if the woman was picking up on where she was going with this. When she saw Usagi's eyes watering once more, she knew she was beginning to understand.

With a wistful diversion of her gaze, Makoto couldn't keep herself from letting the tears run from her eyes.

"That feeling that kept me from getting Freddy back was the same feeling that I felt when seeing my son get sucked in the hole with that machine. I didn't want to let go but something told me that I should. The only difference is that looking back now I still can't see what benefits came from me letting my son go."

She hunched over in her seat, burying her head in her hands as her body was wracked with sobs.

"Mako-chan I'm so sorry," Usagi muttered, curling herself around Makoto in an attempt to comfort her. Instead of turning her away like so many times before, Makoto finally let her stay.

Wails of pain echoed achingly from the room, bouncing off the walls of the Winner mansion and filtering into the ears of weary senshi that had long awaited the final commencement of Makoto's lamentation.

4Shame


End file.
